Chapter 8

Summary:

To me Chapter 8 was probably the most interesting chapter of the book so far because its focus was on choosing others for both dating and mate selection. This chapter begins by answering the question of how often do we date. In this section it briefly discusses how most college under the age of 25 dismiss dating as old fashioned due to the lack of time and money. Similarly to college campus life, this section also touches on the fact that dating has declined even among people under the age of 18. The concept of dating declining leads into the next section of the chapter which discusses why we date. In this particular part it goes further into detail with functions of dating and how it fulfills maturation, fan and recreation, companionship, love and affection, and mate selections. The latent functions of which we date also fulfills things such as socialization, social status, fulfillment of ego needs, sexual experimentation and intimacy, and big business. Although these functions seem pretty concrete, they may change over time.

Chapter 8 then continues to talk about the dating spectrum which covers traditional dating, contemporary dating, and traditional-contemporary combinations. Within traditional dating it specifically covers different cultural variations on traditional dating, such as coming-out parties, or bat and bar mitzvahs for the Jewish children. Also within the traditional dating category is the idea of “going steady”. This often meant that the partners were seeing only each other, and it would tend to come after a couple had a number of dates, sometimes preceding an engagement. Under the contemporary dating, hanging out, getting together (which generally involves a group of friends), and hooking up (physical encounters with no strings attached) are all discussed. When the chapter discusses the traditional-contemporary combinations, proms and homecoming parties and dinner dates are the primary events included.

This chapter continues to discuss how people meet each other. Some of the ways that Benokraitis gives as an examples are personal classified advertisements, mail-order brides, professional matchmakers, speed dating and cyberdating. Coming off of this topic the chapter proceeds to explain the choices and constraints that become involved when choosing whom to date. The first of these is homogamy and filter theory. Propinquity, physical appearance, ethnicity and race, religion, social class, age, and values and personality all fall under this category. Heterogamy, which refers to dating or marrying someone from a social, racial, ethnic, religious, or age group that is different from one’s own, includes avenues such as same-sex relationships, social class relationships, which can be either hypergamy (marrying up to improve one’s social standing) or hypogamy (marrying down in social class), interfaith relationships, and interracial and interethnic relationships.

Closely following the topic of how we meet each other and the reasons behind why we choose to date certain people comes the theories of mate selection. The two theories that this chapter are dating as give and take: social exchange theory and dating as a search for egalitarian relationships: equity theory.

As like most topics discussed in sociology, the chapter then continues to look at how mate selection across different cultures occur. It discusses modern and traditional societies, including wealth, age, and values, the heterogamy and homogamy views, arranged and free choice marriages, and how mate selection methods are changing.

The chapter then begins to take a closer look at the negative sides to relationships and dating by discussing power and control in dating relationships, the prevalence of dating violence and statistics including acquaintance and date rape, factors contributing to date violence and date rape (including how gender roles, peer pressure and secrecy, and the use of alcohol and other drugs all play a role), and some of the consequences and solutions to these issues. Chapter 8 concludes by continuing the discussion of the negative aspects of relationships with the topic of break ups. Here, this chapter explains why we break up, including individual reasons (micro), and structural reasons (macro), how we react, and if break ups in general are healthy.

What was interesting/what did I learn:

When I was reading the section on mail-ordered brides I found it shocking that most American men complain that American women are too independent, too demanding, and too critical and that they generally want what I consider to be a “dumb” woman. Although this surprised me, I found it quite fitting that most of these men have turned out to be abusers where they have beaten, choked or raped their brides, even to the point where they have murdered them. It made me feel sympathetic that these women probably do not have an easy way out of this relationship because not only do they speak very little English, but they would not know who to report this too, if they would get caught, or even if they would become in more danger and trouble since their situation was illegal to begin with.

Question:

How prevalent do you think interfaith relationships truly are? I know that the book states that 37% of married people are in religiously mixed marriages, but how does that affect the society? I am not opposed to marrying someone of a different faith than my own, and frankly I think it would be a good learning experience, because it would help me better understand those who are different. Do you think that people are still opposed to interfaith relationships because they are truly set on keeping the traditional gender roles like the book states?