People get married for many reasons: love, to have children, to develop a more "adult" identity, to commit to someone (and to be committed to), and for a permanent aspect of their life. Others, however get married for some wrong reasons: to make a child legitimate, falling to social pressure, for monetary reasons, to rebel against their parents or ex's, and as an "escape" to their daily problems. There are many different marriage rituals that we follow in America: engagement, bachelor/bachelorette parties, throwing bridal showers, and the wedding itself. As far as bridal shower, almost 80^% of men attend! Prenuptial agreements are a way for the couple to decide what will happen in their marriage from the checking accounts (combined or not) to what each of them will receive property-wise if they break up. There are many different types of marriages: conflict-habituated marriage (couples greatly fight), devitalized (they no longer love each other), passive-congenial (low-emotional investment in marriage), vital (their lives are closely intertwined), and total (same as vital with very, very few areas of tension in their lives). What yields to a happy marriage as compared to a not-so-happy-marriage? The partners compatibility with one another, positive attitudes, can be flexible, good communication, and strong emotional support. The health benefits of marriage are the selection effect (healthier people are attracted to each other) and the protection effect (receiving support from the spouse). Interestingly, men tend to be more healthier than women in a relationship. This is because the men are often very much more cared by the women than vice versa. Also, women are more emotionally attached--if there is a problem in the relationship, they are much more likely to pick up on it than the men are, and thus usually feel much more distressed. In a marriage, women typically tend to do more house work than men. If the woman works, men usually pitch in more unless the woman makes more than he does. This is because she feels that she needs to overcompensate for the misconstrued gender role in the household. Marriage when the couple is middle-aged usually involves some unique issues such as strained relationships with in-laws, "empty nest syndrome" when their children go off to college, and the boomerang generation when their kids return to their nest. In later life, we have to look out for retirement and our health as being the main issues. In order to have a happy marriage, you must have good communication. This would include: being open about your views, supporting your spouse, being a listener, and motivational support. Some problems in communication include--not listening, not responding to relevant issues, blaming each other, forcing their points of view onto others, and refusing to even talk to their spouse. Couples usually end up fighting about money, house hold chores, lack of sex, and how to raise their children. In order to improve your communication, ask for more information from your partner, don't generalize many situations together, stay focused, be specific, listen, and be kind, appreciative, and honest.
2. Interesting
I thought the entire "cherished wedding rituals" section was very interesting. Just a few highlights: the "best man" used to be a warrior that helped the groom capture his wife from another tribe,carrying the bride over the threshold used to symbolize kidnapping her because she didn't want to leave her father, a "honeymoon" used to be so that the woman couldn't get back to her family--by the time they found her she would already be pregnant, and (on a brighter note) engagement rings are placed on the left ring finger because there was believed to be a vein of love that ran straight to your heart in this finger.
3. Questions
What are your views about "cherished wedding rituals (page 264)? Should we find new rituals since these ones came from such derogatory backgrounds, or should we embrace our culture? Which one did you find most interesting?
I found the honeymoon ritual the most interesting. I never made a connection between men capturing their brides and the honeymoon. However, I still wonder why they call it a honeymoon?
ReplyDeleteI thought the one about carrying the bride over the threshold was interesting. I was surprised that it used to be done because the men were taking the women against their will, because now we see it as something exciting. I don't think that we necessarily need to consider developing new traditions that come from less derogatory backgrounds, because even though a lot of these practices came from bad backgrounds, there's nothing bad about them now, and most people enjoy the traditions.
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