Summary
WHY DO PEOPLE MARRY?
Some Right Reasons for Getting Married: love and companionship, children, adult identity, commitment and personal fulfillment, continuity and permanence
Some Wrong Reasons for Getting Married: social legitimacy, social pressure, economic security, rebellion or revenge, practical solutions to problems
WHAT DO WE EXPECT FROM MARRIAGE?
Marriage Rituals: engagement- formalizes a couple's decision to marry, the wedding
Love and Prenuptial Agreements
TYPES OF MARRIAGES
Types of Marriages in the United States
conflict-habituated marriage- the partners fight but donot believe that fighting is a good reason for divorce
devitalized marriage- partners were deeply in love when they married. As time goes by, they spend time together but begin to do so out of obligation rather than love
passive-congenial marriage- partners have a low emotional investment in the marriage and few expectations of each other
vital marriage- partners' lives are closely intertwined
total marriage- similar to vital marriage, the partners participate in each other's lives at all levels and have few areas of tension or unresolved hostility
Some Cross-Cultural Variations in Marriage Types
MARITAL SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS
Are Married Couples Happy?
What's Important in a Successful Marriage?: compatibility, flexibility, positive attitude, communication and conflict resolution, emotional support
HOW MARRIAGE AFFECTS HEALTH
The Health Benefits of Marriage: the selection effect, the protection effect
Gender and Health- why husbands are healthy, why wives are less healthy
Marital Quality and Health- marriage and life satisfaction, troubled marriages
Marital Burnout- gradual deterioration of love and ultimate loss of an emotional attachment between partners
MARITAL ROLES- specific ways in which married couples define their behavior and structure their time
"His and Her Marriage": new roles, more roles
Variations in Domestic Roles: gender, employment, the presence of children, social class
Domestic Roles and Marital Quality
HOW MARRIAGES CHANGE THROUGHOUT THE LIFE COURSE
The Early Years of Marriage: after the vows, settling in
Marriage and Children: young children, adolescents
Marriage at Midlife: intergenerational ties, relationships with in-laws, the "empty nest syndrome", the boomerang generation- young adults who move back into their parents' home after living independently for a while
Marriage in Later Life: retirement, health and well-being
COMMUNICATION: A KEY TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
What Is Good Communication?: communication goals, self-disclosure
Sex Differences in Communication: women's speech, men's speech, gender roles, communication, and social context
Communication Problems: not listening, not responding to the issue at hand, blaming, criticizing, and nagging, scapegoating, coercion and contempt, the silent treatment
Power and Conflict in Relationships: sources of power, conflict and communication
WHAT DO COUPLES FIGHT ABOUT?
Money
Housework
Fidelity and Sex
Children
How Do Couples Deal with Conflict?: common conflict resolution approaches, effective ways of handling conflict
PRODUCTIVE COMMUNICATION PATTERNS
Improving Your Communication Style
Family Therapy and Marriage and Relationship Programs: marriage education programs are effective, marriage education programs have mixed results, marriage education programs don't work
Points of Interest
On page 270 there is a cartoon that I can really relate to. I remember when I was younger listening to a radio station talking about women trying to change their men; thinking the men they are interested in have so much potential and believing that they will eventually change or that they have the ability to change them.
Ground Rules for Fair Fighting had some really good points! I think everyone should use these pointers in all of their relationships.
Questions
Do you think the artist intentionally made it the woman trying to change the man in the picture on page 270? Do you think it is more common among women to try to change their men? What are some of the ways partners try to change each other?
On page 275, a wife mentions all of the duties of a wife in the article "Why I Want a Wife." How many of our mothers do all of these things?
Yes i think he definitely did! I read a study somewhere (I can't remember where) that the majority of women have at least one thing that they believe they can change about their partner--whether big or small. This can be from teaching him that he cannot always leave the toilet seat up to his entire wardrobe. I feel that women think they do all of these things, but what a lot of women don't realize is that men either do them as well, or they take on another tasks: fixing things as soon as they break, mowing the lawn, installing something that we get, etc. I think in a (healthy) relationship both parties are accountable for equal amount of work, just in different forms sometimes.
ReplyDeleteYa I definitely agree! I would never understand why my dad never helped cook dinner or do something that my mom always did because I thought he was lazy. I realize now that he plays a large role in taking care of our dogs, maintaining the cars, and fixing things around the house.
ReplyDelete