Chapter 9: Options Outside of Marriage

I found the following topics in Chapter 9 Interesting and worthy of discussion:

The chapter talks about the myths about being single. I found this topic interesting because I do think that their are a lot of myths about why people choose to be single, and their happiness with being single instead of in a relationship.

1. The first myth is that singles are strongly attached to their parents. The text states that there are very few differences between the relationship of marrieds and singles with their parents.
   
2. Second, singles are selfish and self-centered. I've never heard this myth before, however I may have thought that an individual is single because they appear to act like a jerk which could result in being selfish or self-centered. However, the textbook states that singles make more time for their friends and family and tend to be more active in community service. People who do community service aren't jerks (for the most part anyway!).
   
3. Third, singles are more than financially stable. Truthfully, most singles live below poverty level and because most couples who are married both have jobs they are indeed better off than a single person. Interestingly, the book states that people believe our taxes support single individuals rather than married couples.
   
4. Fourth, Singles are happier. In my opinion I think most people who are single could be happier if they thought about "being single" in a more positive light. The text reads that singles spend more time engaging in leisurely activities, but they are more likely to suffer from loneliness, depression and anxiety.
   
5. Lastly, the final myth is that something is wrong with people who don't marry. Many single people believe that the disadvantages of being married outweighs the advantages of being married.

Cohabitation, but more specifically (because cohabitation consumes half of the chapter) Types of Cohabitation and Cohabitation leading to marriage.

Types of Cohabitation

1. Coresidential Dating Cohabitation- when a couple spends a great deal of time together and eventually decides to move into together. Reasons for this include: convenience, finances, companionship, and sexual accessibility. These couples are unsure of their relationship status, and there is no long-term commitment.
   
2. Premarital Cohabitation- Between dating and marriage, the couple is testing the relationship before making a final commitment. The couple may or may not be engaged, but they have plans to marry. The rate at which couples engage in premarital cohabitation has increased over the years.
3. Trial Marriage- partners want to see what marriage might be like to one another or someone else. Similar to premarital cohabitation in the sense that they plans to marry, but they are less certain about their relationships. The couple is uncertain if they can handle the conflicts that arise from the differences in personalities, interests, age, ethnicity, religion, etc.
   
4. Substitution Marriage- long-term commitment between two people w/out legal commitment. Motives for this type of cohabitation vary. Partners can be separated, but still legally married to someone else or divorced and hesitant to remarry. A partner can be highly dependent on the other or insecure. Other couples do not feel that legalizing marriage is necessary. For those couples who are married and have children, very complex environments and dynamics within the relationship can be result from this type of cohabitation.

Debating whether or not Cohabitation leads to better Marriages

1. The text answers this question by stating that cohabitation does NOT lead to better marriages. This, for me personally, is not hard to believe. Most marriages that have not included cohabitation before marriage end in separation or divorce within five years. However, the percent at which premarital cohabitation is broken up within five years is higher than the rate of marriage (49 percent to 20 percent of marriages).
2. Some reasons the textbook gives for this occurrence are the following:

• The selection effect- Some cohabitors suffer from drug problems, inability to handle money, trouble with the law, unemployment, sexual infidelity, and personality problems. People who cohabit more likely to be unsure about their relationships. Cohabitants are less likely to communicate with each other and work out their problems. Many cohabitants do not intend to marry their partners. This results in less of an effort to make the relationship work. They are less likely to compromise and are less likely to survive as a couple.
  
• The cohabitation experience effect- Experiencing cohabitation can make marriage less likely within a relationship. People who are independent and used to doing things their own way may be quicker to leave a marriage or abandon the idea of marriage. Serial Cohabitation occurs when a person moves from one cohabitating relationship to the next because of their fears of marriage. People who exit cohabitating relationships are more likely to dissolve relationships. If a person is married, but is willing to abandon a cohabitating relationship it is likely that they will abandon the marriage as well.
  
• Some people choose risky relationships because of the ease in breaking the relationship up. Why people might do this, I have no clue. The text states that sharing time and possessions with a risky partner doesn't make the partner easier to live with. Most couples after living together and sharing these things marry.
  

Questions: As always, you can answer just one or all. Whatever fits your preference. Hope you find my questions interesting!

1. What do you think about the myths of single people? For those who are single (and willing to answer this question!) do you think that people pity you or feel that you're unhappy just because you're single. Personally, people have told me that being in a relationship is easier or more relieving b/c you have someone there for you. Have you experienced the same thing? I personally think that relationships are harder and can be more strenuous at times than being single.
   
2. What do you guys think about trial marriage and substitute marriage? Do you think that trial marriage and premarital cohabitation are basically the same thing? Do you think there are morality issues involved in cohabitation with a person to see if you would marry them or be interested in marrying someone else?
   
3. Do you think that cohabitation leads to better marriages? The textbook and I say "no". What do you think? And if you say no, what do you think are the reasons as to why many marriages fail when cohabitation takes place before marriage?