Chapter 10: Marriage and Communication In Intimate Relationships

Summary:

In this chapter of the book, marriage and communication in intimate relationships is analyzed. The first topic discussed is why people marry one another. Some right reasons include:

· Love/Companionship è Source of continuous/intimate companionship.

· Children è Traditional reason for marriage.

· Adult Identity è Marriage is a “mark” of adulthood.

· Commitment/Personal Fulfillment è Sexual fidelity and connection.

· Continuity and Permanence è Promise of stability/support.

Some wrong reasons include:

· Social Legitimacy è Marriage for the sole reason of legitimizing out-of-wedlock children.

· Social Pressure è Pressure forces someone to rush marriage.

· Economic Security è Marriage purely for financial reasons.

· Rebellion/Revenge è Marriage to rebel/escape parents, etc.

· Practical Solutions to Problems è Marriage as a fulfillment of a social problem.

The book then talks about what one may expect from marriage. In this section, marriage rituals are the first topic discussed, which is defined through engagement and a wedding. Next, love and prenuptial agreements are discussed. This section discusses primarily the controversial nature of the agreements, in how they stipulate what should occur throughout the marriage, legal implications of the document, etc.

Next, types of marriages are discussed. There are numerous types of marriage in the United States:

· Conflict-Habituated Marriage è The partners frequently argue both verbally and physically, but are not willing to obtain a divorce on those grounds alone.

· Devitalized Marriage è Resigned to staying married out of obligation more than anything else.

· Passive-Congenial Marriage è Partners are independent, have low emotional investment in the marriage, and expect very little from one another.

· Vital Marriage è “Partners lives are closely intertwined.”

· Total Marriage è Similar to a vital marriage, with even fewer disagreements and more interconnection than a vital marriage.

New/Interesting/Unusual Items Learned:

I found it interesting how prenuptial agreements were discussed in detail. Honestly, I knew very little about these agreements, and did not realize that they could actually to some extent control the actions of one of the partners under legal contract.

Discussion:

Out of curiosity, I was not sure how everyone felt about the introduction section to this chapter that covered the right/wrong reasons for marriage. First off, it seemed much less “scientific,” or at least objective, than the way most of the book has been written. Regardless, is it inclusive? Are there areas in which it is lacking a perspective?

Karl Wahlen