In this chapter, the author discusses the various components of what make up and define a marriage. The ultimate success of a marriage can be related to what defines it. If couples marry for the right reasons (love, lifelong stability, to reproduce children), then the marriage has a better chance of being successful. However, if couples marry for the wrong reasons (financial security, social pressures, revenge), then the marriage is ultimately doomed from the beginning. Engagements provide social legitimacy for the couple as a public declaration of their commitment to one another. The subsequent wedding ceremony that follows an engagement serves to remind the couple of the permanent bond and commitment that they have made to one another, and as an ushering into adulthood. The author discusses two basic kinds of marriages - utilitarian marriages and intrinsic marriages. Utilitarian marriages are based upon convenience and include conflict-habituated marriages, devitalized marriages, and passive-congenial marriages. Intrinsic marriages are based upon rewards within the marriage and include vital marriages and total marriages. A significant portion of the chapter is spent discussing the importance of communication between partners in a marriage, focusing on successful ways to communicate effectively.
I found the Before I Say "I Do" portion on page 256 to be extremely informative, and I think that if I ever get married that it will be an interesting area to return to later in my life. I also found it interesting that married couples experience better physical and mental health than single couples.
Although it is not common in our American culture, what do you think about living apart together relationships (LAT)? It seems to work successfully for other countries. What are some reasons that it is not socially common or that it might not work in our country's culture?
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