Chapter 10

These were the topics I found worthy of discussion for my blog:

Married Singles
The text in Chapter 10 includes an Article entitled Married Singles. Married singles are defined by married partners who:

• By choice or necessity, live under the same roof.
  
• Are good friends
• May or may not have sexual intercourse

These couples have drifted apart because of hectic and demanding work schedules that keep both partners busy, difference in interests and their personalities and/or for other reasons. The couple begins to engage in sex less frequently or lose all interest. The couple might view their family as more important than sex or spend time with each other daily which leaves the couple content.

Commuter marriages fall within this category. Commuter marriages consist of the marital partners living in difference cities because of their jobs. Couples can be forced to reside in different cities which limits the number of times they see each other.

Interestingly, some individuals marry partners they know will be absent within the relationship. For women, the wife has a husband who provides for the family, but leaves her free to do as she pleases. However, husbands not wives engage in this type of behavior or in married single life.

Lastly, those who live with abusive partners may also live married single lives. Their spouse doesn't communicate well leaving them with no one to talk to and feeling alone and isolated. Also, a disease or mental illness can also force a couple into the married single life.

Communication Problems
It is well known that a relationship needs to have strong communication to survive or be maintained in a healthy manner. The book states that communication involves both partners (which we know this), however most couples only involve one active partner who attempts to communicate. Also, a lack of listening too can cause communication problems.

Not Listening
Many couples when in argument or debate, or when a couple has two different points of view suffer from the "I'm listening, but not listening" syndrome. A partner is preoccupied or so anxious to get their point across that they disregard everything their partner is saying. Many couples talk without really communicating.

There are three miscommunication patterns:

1. Cross Complaining- partners present their own complains without acknowledging those of their partner.
   
2. Counterproposals- A spouse ignores a partner's suggestions and presents their own ideas.
   
3. Stonewalling- common among men, one partner agrees using phrase such as "Hmmmm" or "Uh-huh" but is not really listening to what their partner is saying.

Blaming, Criticizing, & Nagging
When partners feel that they are being neglected or unappreciated they feel as though their partner is enlarging their faults within the relationship, belittles their authority, accuses them of unjust actions, and makes them feel worthless or stupid. Arguments start off small and escalate into something bigger and more general in terms of accusations and statements made. (I.e. "I was embarrassed your check bounced" to "Don't you know anything about money?") A partner generalizes their partner's actions manipulating them emotionally.

Coercion or Contempt
A partner may coerce their partner to do something by forcing their opinion or point of view in the relationship. Content, according to the textbook, can be devastating. Actions such as insulting and name-calling one's partner or sarcasm and mockery, etc are all included within contempt.

The silent Treatment
We're all familiar with the silent treatment. Withholding communication is indeed a form of communication and can be very affective in negative ways. Sometimes it can be positive when a partner withholds something negative that they shouldn't say. However, not speaking builds up anger, hostility within the relationship. Partners within a relationship can become tired of the silent treatment, and as a result, leave the relationship.

Ways to Improve Communication
The textbook states a few ways a couple can increase and develop their communication skills within the relationship.

1. Ask for information- simply, address the issue at hand. If your partner makes note of something respond to it not being afraid to bring up certain topics.
   
2. Become immersed within your partner's world- Try to view things from the perspective of your partner. Most of the time communication problems arise when their are two different perspectives within a situation or conversation.
   
3. Do not engage in "monster" behavior- Don't act superior to your partner or criticize them. Be supportive and nonjudgmental of your partner which in result will cause them to open up.
   
4. Be honest!- Honesty includes more than just not lying. It also includes not manipulating your partner. Being truthful reinforces trust and respect within the relationship which are both necessary in addition to communication.
   
5. Listen!- Listen to your partner and do so attentively. Listening shows a special interest in your partner and what they have to say.
   

Questions: As always, feel free to answer one or all of the questions, whichever ones interest you the most!

1. What do you think about married singles? Do you feel empathy for situations like married singles? Also, do you consider a marriage that falls under "married singles" constitutes an actual marriage (apart from legal documents, I'm talking emotionally, etc.) Do you feel as though a couple can actually be happy in a marriage without sex? Do you think it's fair for one spouse to be living their lives while the other maintains or supports the family?
   
2. Do you think a relationship with severe communication problems can be salvaged? Also, do you thinks little acts of not listening add up in the end? Also, do you think a partner that engages in coercion or contempt truly values the relationship?
3. What do you think about the tips to help out relationships listed above. I did not list all of them, the text states more, but what do you guys think? Is there anything you would add to the list?
   
4. Lastly, this question is for personal interest. I'd like to know what you guys think about individuals who suffer with communication severely. (I.e. a boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse that truly has a hard time communicating within the relationship, but genuinely cares about it at the same time) Do you think that the other person should stay in the relationship and try to work with the spouse? When do you give up and move on? Is it fair, that this person might not ever find a fulfilling relationship?