Marriage and Communication in Relationships

This chapter about marriage and communication was interesting to read because it addressed a bunch of topics about marriage that not many people consider. Many people see marriage as the ultimate highpoint in their life and many cannot wait to achieve such status. The chapter goes through reasons why people marry, both right and wrong reasons. It talks about what people expect from marriage including the rituals that people go through to celebrate marriage. There are different kinds of marriages discussed and the chapter even goes into what factors effect the happiness of a marriage or relationship and how marriage effects the health of those committed to such a relationship. Shifting from the ins and outs of marriage the chapter considers the topic of communication and the specific role it plays in the success of marriages and relationships. "Good" communication is considered and the differences in what men and women see as successful communication are discussed. It turns out that the way women and men speak individually has an effect on communication and in relationships its pertinent to adopt aspects of the way your partner speaks in order to decrease the distance between you and your partner for better communication. Finally, communication problems, what couples fight about, and productive communication are discussed in closing of this chapter.

There were a few things that stuck out to me as interesting when reading about marriage. One of which was that there are different types of marriage. I originally thought that marriage is uniform for all, a union between two people who want to spend the rest of their life with one another for one reason or another (some reasons may be right or wrong) which would be where marriages differ from one another but all in all, marriage is marriage. The text introduces five types of marriage we see in the U.S. are characterized by the couples interaction. A conflict-habituated marriage is when the couple constantly is fighting but doesn't view the disputing as a reason for divorce. A devitalized marriage is when the partners are deeply in love in the beginning stages but it fizzles out and becomes more of an obligation towards the end. A passive-congenial marriage is when the couple has a low emotional investment and neither expects much from the other, they're independent from one another (so why even get married?). A vital marriage is when the couples life is intertwined and when a disagreement arises it is resolved quickly. Lastly, a total marriage is when the partners participate in each other's lives at all levels and have few areas of tension or unresolved hostility. Sadly enough, the text reports that in a study done it was found that vital marriages accounted for only 15% of the population and total marriages for only 5%. Is it just me or do other people see something wrong about this picture?

I also found it interesting how the demands of marriage have such dramatic effect on an individual's help, especially among women. I guess traditionally its easy to see how women would be over worked because of the demands that gender roles place on them, especially when they're employed. But viewing how married couples in my life (aunt, uncles, sister, etc) its surprising to learn that men traditionally do not help out with the workload as much as they should (or at least as much i think they should or as much as i've seen from examples). The book says that women "work harder if the marriage is distressed; have many domestic responsibilities even if they work outside the home; have little time to unwind; and neglect their own health while caring for family members, including their husbands." So... how come men sit back and relax when their significant other is bearing the world on their shoulders? Isn't the point of marriage to uplift one another and to help each other in times of need?

There was a question asked in the reading regarding communication between men and women: "Do men and women differ in self-disclosure and other communication patterns?" Previously before bringing this question up, the text discussed the importance of communication goals and self-disclosure as important aspects of communication being a successful key to relationships. Being completely open and honest with a partner in a relationship is essential to building trust and establishing confidence in the way two people communicate. Sharing intimate details with a loved one is important to building that connection of honesty and trust on another level in which one partner or the other can feel as if they can turn to their loved one with any conflict or when they're in need for support. So yes, self-disclosure is very important but what I would like to ask you all is why do you think people hold back? What are the reasons? Who do you see is more likely to hold back in relationships--men or women?