Chapter 10: Marriage and Communication in Intimate Relationships

Summary

Chapter 10 Marriage and Communication in Intimate Relationships starts with asking the question “Why do people marry?” Some right reasons people marry are: love and companionship, children, adult identity, commitment and personal fulfillment, and community and permanence. Some wrong reasons to get married are: social legitimacy, social pressure, economic security, rebellion and revenge, and practical solutions to problems. The engagement and wedding are part of marriage rituals. Types of marriage: conflict-habituated marriage, devitalized marriage, passive-congenial marriage, vital marriage, and total marriage. Things that are important in a successful marriage are as follows: compatibility, flexibility, positive attitudes, communication and conflict resolution, and emotional support. Marital burnout is the gradual deterioration of love and ultimate loss of an emotional attachment between partners. “Wifework” includes: wives performing up to ¾ of all housework, assuming total responsibility for the husbands emotional caretaking, taking full responsibility for children and drudge work, monitoring his physical well being, preparing meals tailored to his taste, maintaining his extended family relationships. There are four stages of marriage, with subgroups in between. Early Years of Marriage: after the vows, settling in, Marriage and Children: young children, adolescents, Marriage and Midlife: intergenerational ties, relationships with in-laws, the “empty nest syndrome,” the boomerang generation, Marriage in Later Life: retirement, and health and well being. Couples fight about money, housework, fidelity and sex, and children. Some common conflict resolution approaches are accommodation, compromise, standoff, and withdrawal.

Interesting Facts

I found it interesting that sociologist Susan Maushart claims all wives contribute 100% of the husbands care. I actually disagree with this statement. I can see how wives from the generation before mine would be like this, but I actually strongly believe most new marriages aren’t and won’t end up like this.

Question

My question is for the guys in the class, do you see yourself being in a marriage that Susan Maushart claims happens? Do you believe your wife will be in charge of your emotional caretaking?