Summary:
This chapter entails all the details of getting married, the signs of a bad marriage, the reasons people get married and so forth and so on. People get married for many different reasons. Some get married to look forward the companionship of another significant other. This is what we call love because this is the sole reason on why the couple is getting married. Some marry because they have children out-of-wedlock. Society usually frowns upon out-of-wedlock children so this drives the baby's mother and father to get married and be there for the sake of the child. Some people do it for adult identity to say that they are fully grown up. And then you have those that just wan that stability and permanence in their intimate life.
Some people look for a mate for the absolute wrong reasons. These reasons include; marrying just to solidify an out-of-wedlock baby, could be social pressure, economic security (gold digger/scrub), and/or rebellion or revenge to your parents for not accepting your relationship. These reasons will result in a quick divorce and a short-lasting marriage.
Marriages are all different across the United States and the world. Some here are called the conflict-habituated marriage, devitalized marriage, passive-congenial marriage, vital marriage, and total marriage. The conflict-habituating marriage is when you rely on your incompatibilities to solve problems and usually the disputes are minuscule. The devitalizing marriage is a result from when the love begins to fade and the couple stay together under the "umbrella" of obligation rather than love. They also still get along but one or both may be unhappy with the whole marriage. The passive-congenial marriage basically live separate lives but they remain married. The vital marriage is a result of love and compassion from both partners. This married couple is very close and is the ideal married couple. The total marriage is much like the vital marriage but in my point of view, can become smothering because they do everything together (same careers). While there maybe different types of marriages, there are some ingredients to have a successful relationship. These ingredients are; compatibility, flexibility, positive attitudes, emotional support, and communication.
Sometimes even these ingredients don't last a lifetime. Marriages change over the course of the relationship. There is the stage after the vows, which is usually the adjustment period. This is when the woman gets use to her identity with having a new last name. Another adjustment is for the couple to place the relationship above everything else. This could cause conflict between the in-laws and the spouses because the in-laws fear losing contact with their married child. Then after getting settled in the couple has to go from a single checking account to a joint bank account and this not always easy to do especially after being independent for such a long time. Then there comes a time when the first child is born. This is when the couple has the most arguments. Then you have the middle life marital stage. This is the stage where the relationship with in-laws become vital. Then you have the empty-nest syndrome and that's when the kids leave the house. This actually can give a couple time to enjoy each others company again. The later years is simple. This just entails retirement which brings more time to enjoy each others company again and then you worry about the health and well-being of your spouse.
Throughout the years you may wonder what couple may fight about. Money is a big thing that couples argue about and it could lead to physical abuse. This results in couples lying about their finances. Housework is another and it is often important for a successful relationship. The work is meant to be distributed equally. Sex and fidelity is on the top of the list. Many couples just want their partner to be faithful and don't want to feel that since of betrayal.
Interesting Topic:
The most interesting topic I found in this article was the types of problems that married couple deal with as soon as they are married and the adjustments the couples must make.
Question:
What do you feel like is the one thing the married couples argue about the most?
I believe married couples argue over communication a lot. A wife may not feel she is loved enough meaning the husband is not verbally or emotionally communicating well enough. While on the other hand a husband may not be receiving too much attention or 'nagging' from his wife meaning that she isn't communicating her feelings well enough to where he doesn't feel like he is drowning.
ReplyDeleteI think married couples argue the most about money, especially in these economic times. Between mortgages/rent, bills, insurance, taxes and deciding how to spend whatever extra money there is, there is a lot to argue about. If the couple has children, I'm sure it's even worse because, economically speaking, children are an added expense. I know personally, my parents have had to make sacrifices to pay for my college tuition and it has not been easy. However, if the couple can come to a compromise, fighting about money isn't an end all to the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI think it depends on the relationship as to what couples fight about. I know a bunch of friends who have parents who have split because of financial reasons, communication issues, and infidelity issues. But if I were to choose one that occurs most, I would have to say communication is a widespread issue among couples. Anything can stem from miscommunication such as the financial problems that couples experience. Communication problems even play a role in the infidelity of a partner. So, I think communication is the catalyst for other problems in relationships which is a problem within itself.
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