Chapter 11 To be or not to be a Parent

The book states that almost 50% of pregnancies in the United States are unplanned.

Benefits and Costs of Having Children

Benefits

1. Being "in love" with your baby- most parents are overjoyed by the experience of birth and becoming a parent and are extremely happy
   
2. Children= love & affection, being able to watch children grow up and develop
   
3. Having a family- having a child creates a larger family
   

Costs

1. High costs- raising kids is an expensive lifestyle
2. Emotional Costs
   

• Parents spend up to 25% of their earnings on their children until the age of 17
  
• Many families with financial or medical struggles suffer extreme difficulties in attempts to raise their children
  
• "Mommy tax"- the work women do at home isn't paid for and doesn't receive benefits such as social security. Women also fall down on the career ladder because of their motherly duties at home.
• Parents experience stress, fatigue, worry, emotional instability
  
• Parents relationships suffer because of the stress placed upon them raising child
  
• Fathers become more emotionally distant because of work which keeps them away from witnessing the raising of the child
  

Effects of Parenthood on the Mother and the Father
There are misconceptions that parenthood is filled with excess amounts of love and romanticism.

1. There is a lot of emphasis placed on the mother and a lack thereof on the father.
   
2. Mothers
   

• There are myths that the bond between the mother and child is instantaneous.
  
• Children especially newborn babies bond to any individual that shows them affection.
  
• Women can experience postpartum depression after the birth of the baby. Estrogen, progesterone, beta-endorphins levels dropping have been linked to the cause of postpartum depression. Alcohol and drug use, constant care of the baby, physical pain can also be causes of depression in mothers.

1. Fathers
   

• Fathers are effective in raising children and play an important role in their development.
  
• Many men feel they have to embrace the strong aspects of a man's character when raising a child.
• However, men keep many emotions bottled up inside which can cause confusion between the relationship with their wife. (I.e. a woman may not think her husband or partner wants to contribute as heavily as he should because he doesn't express his cares about raising their child.)
• Fatherhood promotes the idea of becoming a mature individual. It sets up new goals and values in life which were not definitive in the past. Also, new fathers bond with their own fathers.
  
• Fatherhood can also have negative influences in raising a father's abusive qualities or behaviors because of an increase in stress.

Reasons for postponing Parenthood

1. Micro Levels
   

• Being Single (starting your career, financial independence, etc.)
  
• Jobs and careers can deter an individual from meeting others
  
• Single women don't want to raise a child alone
  
• Many couples do not want to be forced to have their children raised by nannies or caretakers
  
• Men and women want to invest in a home first before raising children or save for retirement
  
• Women do not want to give up their jobs in order to raise their children
  

1. Macro Levels

• The economy discourages couples from having children, many couples do not have the appropriate funds or resources.
  
• Many couples still live at home with their parents which hinders their ability to start their own families.
  
• High divorce rates deter couples from having children because having children can cause marital stress.
  
• Women believe that the time frame in which they can have children has expanded. They believe they can have children at a later age.
  
• Couples have problems with the lack of programs for children in the United States.
  

Having Children Outside Marriage

Women having children outside of marriage rose from 3 percent in 1950 to 33.3 percent (1.3 million births) in the United States. Since the 90's the rate at which women have births outside of marriage has slowed.

Reasons for the increase in Children Outside Marriage

1. The book states that the number of births outside of marriage is interestingly higher for white women than for black women or Latina women. Contrastingly, the proportion of out-of-wedlock births was 22% of white women to 43% for Latina women and 69% for African American. The rate of unmarried births has risen for all three races.
   
2. Education is highly correlated with the lack of unmarried births. Less than 5% of college-educated women have unmarried births. Educated women are more likely to focus on their careers and finances than having a child.
3. Nonmarital births are highest amongst women who were ages 18 to 24. Following that age group are women ages 25 to 29.
   
4. The rate of unmarried women having births between the ages of 20 to 24 from 19 to 50 percent and from 9 to 24 percent for ages 25 to 29.
   

Consequences

1. Women who have children before marriage are less likely to graduate from high school. Most parents who have children continue the cycle and their children continue the cycle as well.
   
2. Poverty is 12 times more likely amongst unmarried mothers compared to married couples.
   
3. Most unmarried mothers receive little support from the government and their spouses.
4. Having children before marriage decreases the likelihood of marriage in the future.
   
5. 72% percent of women who had a nonmarital birth are likely to be married by the age of 40.

Teenage Mothers

1. The rate at which teens ages 15 to 19 years old has fallen 28% percent.
   
2. These rates have tremendously decreased for African Americans and Latinas.
   
3. Reasons for this can be contributed to teens being less sexually active through the work of churches, parents, counselors, organizations, etc. Contraception and the increased awareness of the subject also contributes to less pregnancies.
   

Questions: Answer one or all, whichever ones interest you the most.

1. Why do you think the rate of unmarried births is so high in the United States? What aspects do you think play a role in this occurrence?
   
2. How positively or negatively do you think a child affects their parents' relationships? Do you think that the positives out way the negatives of having a child or do you think it depends on the stage the parents are in, in their relationship and in their lives?
   
3. Do you think that fathers should be recognized more often for their roles within their children's lives that aren't related to simply providing for the family?
   
4. What do you think about white women having a higher rate of unmarried births than blacks or Hispanics? And how would you explain the disparity between the proportions of these races being higher than the previous statement?
5. What are your thoughts on the micro and macro level reasons for postponing Parenthood? How do these play a part, and at what age should a parent have a child if they plan on postponing having kids?