Chapter 10

Summary

Chapter ten discusses marriage and conflict. To begin, people marry for numerous reasons, some right and some wrong. Right reasons to marry include love, wanting children, marking adulthood, wanting a lifelong commitment, personal fulfillment, or a sense of permanence. Examples of wrong reasons to marry include social pressure, economic security, and rebellion, wanting to legitimate an out-of-wedlock baby, or only having sex in common.

There are several common rituals to marriage. Traditionally, there is first an engagement that formalizes a couple’s plan to marry. Next, friends and family of the couple often throw bridal showers and bachelor parties for the future bride and groom. Finally, comes the wedding. A traditional wedding ceremony “reinforces the idea that the marriage is a sacred, permanent bond” and is attended by the couple’s friends and family. In addition to cultural variations within marriage types, there is also an array of forms that a marriage can take within the United States.

• Conflict-habituated marriage: both partners often fight, verbally and physically, but do not see this as a reason for divorce.



• Devitalized marriage: both partners were at one time deeply in love, but time begins to take a toll on their marriage and they stay together solely out of obligation.



• Passive-congenial marriage: the partners are quite independent, not significantly emotionally invested and typically view marriage as practical rather than something that embraces emotional intensity.



• Vital marriage: the partners are involved in each other’s lives, effectively resolve conflict, and make sacrifices for each other.



• Total marriage: similar to a vital marriage, but more encompassing; couples participate in all levels of each other’s lives and have little to no conflict.

Numerous factors contribute to a happy and successful marriage. Marital satisfaction is often higher for whites, college educated individuals, those who are religious, and those who waited to marry after 20. Economic stress can affect a couple’s happiness. Compatibility, flexibility, positivity, communication, conflict resolution and emotional support are also key factors to marital success.

Marriage is generally positive for one’s physical health and there are two sociological explanations for the selection and protection effects that are often seen. The selection effect argues that healthy and sociable people are attracted to potential partners that are similar to themselves. The protection effect maintains that the marriage itself makes people healthier due to the emotional, social, and financial support that is often received. Marriage may also reduce risky behaviors and replace them with healthy ones.

Marital roles specifically define each partner’s behaviors and responsibilities. Marriage often increases a person’s number of roles and therefore fosters the potential for conflict. The variations in marital roles often depend on gender, employment, children, and social class.Marriage changes throughout the life course due to transitioning to married life and raising children, and retirement among numerous other factors. Couples fight for various reasons including money, housework, fidelity, sex, and children. However, communication is key to a successful marriage and there are a number of ways to deal with conflict.

• Accommodation: the conflict ends when one person submits to another by agreeing.



• Compromise: each partner gives in a little and a middle ground is found.



• Standoff: no one wins or loses; the couple agrees to disagree and moves on.



• Withdrawal: one partner ends the dispute by refusing to continue the argument

What I Learned

I learned a number of things from this chapter, but I think the most beneficial piece of information that I gained is how to deal with conflict and improve my communication style.

Question/Concern

I found the section on child bribes tremendously disturbing and I’m curious as to what everyone else thought. Are child bride customs inhumane or does every society have the right to institute its own rules regarding marriage?