Overview
Chapter 9: Singlehood, Cohabitation, Civil Unions, and Other Options starts off stating that there are more Americans opting to stay single - or just not get married – than in past years. Things like college education, careers, and recreational activities are main causes for the postponement of marriage. There are 4 types of single adults: voluntary temporary/stable singles and involuntary temporary/stable singles. More than 90% of all Americans get married at least once. Many Americans choose to live alone because they can afford it (1), because our values emphasize individualism (2), and because we are living longer and healthier lives (3). The following are major reasons for postponing marriage:
Macro Level Factors
War, Technology, Social Movements, Economy, Gender Roles
Demographic Variables
Sex Ratios, Marriage Squeeze, Social Class, Residence, Nonmarital Childbearing.
Individual Reasons
Waiting for a soul mate, being independent, enjoying close relationships, not wanting to make a commitment, having children, fearing divorce, being healthy and physically attractive.
Cohabitation is when two people who are unrelated live together and are in a sexual relationship. Types of cohabitation: dating, pre-marital, trial marriage, and substitute marriage. “56% of cohabitants are between the ages of 25 and 44.” Studies prove that those who live together before marriage have higher divorce rates than those who don’t live together before marriage. There are 8 states that allow gay and lesbian civil unions (although I believe this fact is currently untrue, I think New York allows gay and lesbian marriages, but don’t quote me).
Interesting Parts
I thought the myths and realities about being single section was very interesting – especially the part about most single people not worrying about growing old and dying alone. I know my age is the biggest factor for this thinking, but I would’ve guessed otherwise.
Question
I absolutely agree with what’s written in this book about marriages taking place later on in people’s lives, and I agree that most of the time it’s because of these factors: college education, careers, and recreational activities
For those of you who want kids, how does marriage sound to you? Could you see yourself cohabitating with your partner, having kids, and not marry? If you want to marry what age would you prefer you did it at?
Steve Boser
My wife and I got married almost 5 years ago when we were both 20 years old and we don't have any children yet. We can't see ourselves having children until we are completely settled in our careers. I couldn't see us waiting to get married or doing it any other way because it has turned our great for us.
ReplyDeleteBrian Bitner
good question!! I have definitely adopted the mindset that marriage can hit the back burner until i achieve all of the personal goals i would like to meet before i have to focus my life around a family. I can see myself engaging in a "trial marriage" cohabitation, much like my sister and brother-in-law had before they chose to tie the knot. It worked out for them so I see it being a successful tool in choosing a right match for myself, in which I do intend to marry--NOT substitute a cohabitation for marriage. I am not sure what age I would prefer to aim for with this goal but I definitely want to have kids so I'd say sometime before 30 would be ideal.
ReplyDeleteOne of my dreams in life is to be a wife and mother. If I would meet the right person and fall in love I think starting a family would be one of the first things I would want to do. I would not want to try a "trial marriage" cohabitation, because I think living with someone should not be the deal breaker in a marriage. When you get married, it is for the good times and the bad times. You are committed to that person, and I don't believe that living before hand should answer the question if a marriage could possibly work out. So to answer your question, marriage sounds awesome to me. I would love to get married in my mid twenties and start a family very shortly after that.
ReplyDeleteMaria Nicholas
For me, I am very education/career oriented. I would not be against having a girlfriend through college, but for what I want to do, I could not have the added burden of raising a family or getting married in the foreseeable future. For me I would not want to marry until my late twenties at the earliest, when I either am close to finishing a Psy.D or an M.D. degree. As for cohabitation vs. marriage, I have no problems with cohabitation, but I would prefer to be married before having kids, but for me the emphasis would be that I am with someone who I know I will want to live with for the rest of my life, and at that point I would want to think about having kids, whereas marriage would be a second (though not a close second), since I would not want to have kids go through a terrible divorce like I had to.
ReplyDeleteKarl Wahlen
Well, I would want to wait at least till after college is over, maybe even after grad school. As someone who does want kids sometime in the future, I feel that my decision to marry is largely contingent on when I meet someone. The other factors would be less important, provided I'm out of school.
ReplyDeleteWhen I find the person I'm going to marry, I can definitely see myself cohabitating with them because the way I see it, if you can't live with them while you're dating/engaged, you probably can't live with them when you're married. When you live with someone, that's when you really learn who they are. Not saying that when you live with someone, you should nit-pick and find things that you don't like. It's just getting to know someone on a different level.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I cannot see myself cohabitating with someone and having children with them. I firmly believe in having children after marriage.
Also, I see myself marrying in my mid-20s but whenever I feel that it's right and other factors fall into place, it doesn't matter how old I am, given that I'm out of college.