Summary
Chapter eleven discusses parenthood as well as the option to remain child free. When a couple discovers that they are going to be parents, their reactions can vary. Cowan and Cowan explain four possible reactions to parenthood:
- Planners: parents that mutually made the decision to have a baby and are very excited about becoming pregnant.
- Acceptance-of-fate couples: even though their pregnancy was not planned they are pleasantly surprised upon hearing the news and are welcoming of a child
- Ambivalent couples: tend to have mixed feelings about having a child before and after the actual conception.
- Yes-no couples: one partner does not want children, but the other decides to go along with the pregnancy regardless. These couples often end in separation or divorce.
Many couples fall into the ambivalent category because there are so many pros and cons to having a child. Having a baby is often beneficial because it “brings a new dimension” to the couples’ life and it is a joy to watch their child grow. However, raising a child is expensive and has many emotional costs. Parents may experience anxiety or fatigue, and interpersonal relationships may suffer.
The majority of Americans say that having two children is ideal. This statement coincides with the current total fertility rate (TFR), the average number of children born to a woman during her lifetime, which was 2.1 children in 2007. U.S. fertility rates have decreased for most of the twentieth century; however, there has recently been a slight upsurge. There are several macro and micro-level factors for this phenomenon. Macro-level factors for the rise in fertility are population growth and immigration whereas factors for the decline consist of improved contraceptive methods, more opportunities for women in higher education, advances in medicine and hygiene, a poor economy and demographic variables. Micro-level factors that attempt to explain fertility rely on individual choices such as the decision to use contraception or abortion and the frequency of sexual intercourse. In general, more women “are studying longer, working, and then marrying later” whereas men are postponing parenthood due to the unpredictability of the job market.
When a couple is unable to conceive a baby due to infertility it can be a result of numerous factors. However, if a couple is diagnosed with infertility, adoption can be their solution. There are several types of adoption:
- Transracial adoption: is very controversial and occurs when the adoptive family’s race, color, or national origin is different from their adopted child’s.
- Open adoption: the biological and adoptive parents share information and maintain contact throughout the child’s life.
- Closed adoption: the records of the adoption are kept sealed and the birth parent has no interaction with the adoptee.
- Semi-open adoption: there is communication between the adoptee and the adoptive and biological parents but it takes place though a third party such as a caseworker or attorney.
- Adoption by same-sex partners: the process of lesbians and gay men adopting children.
- International adoption: also known as intercountry adoptions, take place when a child is adopted from overseas. The waiting period for this type of adoption, one to two years, is much shorter than that of adopting a child within the United States.
What I Learned
I was surprised to learn that U.S. abortion rates have decreased over the past ten years and that there are fewer abortion providers. I would have assumed that abortions have increased over recent years. I was also shocked to read that “a growing number of drugstores around the country don’t sell condoms, won’t fill prescriptions for birth control pills, or don’t carry EC pills”. This seems like a step backward for our generation considering the importance of promoting the practice of safe sex and the fact that birth control pills serve numerous purposes in addition to preventing unwanted pregnancy.
Question/Concern
I’m curious as to how other women in the class feel about the struggle between having children versus a successful career; do you feel that you will have to choose between one or the other? Personally, I would like to have both, but I do not think it will come easy. I plan on finishing graduate school and settling into a career before I have children. In addition, I would also like to be able to stay at home with my children until they are school-aged, but this will also place my career on hold for several years. Do you think that having a successful career in addition to being an ideal mother is impossible?
I have struggled with the question you posed a lot. I have decided to become a nurse practitioner instead of a doctor because I want to be able to have a family at a decently young age. I agree that it will not come easy to be successful and be the ideal mother, but I am hoping my husband is very helpful with this struggle. I also do not want to put my child through day care and yes, this will put stress on my career, but I want to be a mother first. I don't think I will be as passionate about my career as my role as a mother, so putting my aspirations to the side will be relatively easy for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe it's impossible. I'm with you I want to wait until I've established myself within my career and will have time to raise my children. I think if you spend a couple of years within your job then you won't be so uneasy with having children. A lot of mothers take off for the first few months or year and go back to work for financial reasons or because they want to have both. It also depends on your job as well. If your job will require you to be away from your child for more than a regular work day (9-5) or somewhere along those lines than you might have a harder time going back to work. I think you have to realize that of course once you have a child it's more important but you can still balance the both. I guess it depends on timing, your career, how much of your child's life you want to be present for 24/7 and how open and flexible your are with the situation.
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