Nature vs. Nurture

So earlier in the week I posted a link to twitter about a case I talked about in class. A man was born a male, but as a result of a bad circumcision he was surgically reassigned as a female and raised as such. He was not aware of the surgery and at the age of 15 began living as a man after his parents informed him of his past. That case provides strong evidence for the idea of nature being more important than nurture.

Today I read an article about Chaz Bono being on dancing with the stars. The article tends to focus on the idea that nurture is more important than nature. Chaz was born a perfectly healthy female, (chastity) identified herself as a female, and at the age of 40 had a sex change and became Chaz.

So here I have found two cases which show both sides of the argument. I'm sure there are many more cases with different factors involved. I personally believe the idea that nature and nurture are reliant on each other. A person has to be predisposed to react to their environment for their environment to have an effect on them.

I'm curious which of these ideas people believe after reading these articles.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2011/09/26/140827257/sex-gender-and-dancing-with-chaz-bono?sc=fb&cc=fp

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer

Chapter 6

Chapter 6 Blog

Summary:

The chapter begins with discussing self-love and its role in the success of other types of love. Then it defined friendship and talked about the effects of the internet on true and close friendships. Then the question “what is love?” was presented. The idea of multiple dimensions was presented, along with how love requires respect and is demanding. Following this the authors described the differences between love and lust. The next section covered the ideas of caring, intimacy, and commitment. The book focused primarily on commitment and its different reasons for it. The book then looked at love from the perspective of biochemistry. Here the topic of endorphins and natural amphetamines was presented. The two problems with these theories are the studies come from small samples, and the same chemicals are found in correlation to gambling and cocaine use. The author then talked about the attachment theory, Reiss’s Wheel theory, Sternberg’s Triangle, Lee’s styles of loving, and the exchange theory. The next part of the chapter discussed the functions of love and its uses to guarantee survival, improve personal health, and the quality of life. After that, the chapter went on to investigate the differences between how men and women show love, as well as, same sex love. Then the following sections covered some negative side-effects of love, including all types of jealousy, stalking, controlling behaviors, the use of guilt, emotional and physical abuse. The chapter concluded with discussing the different positive ways love can evolve.

Opinion:

I definitely enjoyed reading the section on the different theories. I felt the attachment theory was a great base to start from, but still too vague. Sternberg’s Triangle makes sense and I felt could be applied easily to different situations. I think out of all of them though I feel Lee’s style is the most accurate and allows for a stricter definition of differences between couples. The theory breaks down a personality into multiple dimensions, not just three. I also found the section covering what happens when love goes wrong. When I think of stalking I tend to think of a mental disorder, not how much they “love” that person. I also found it interesting that supposedly men fall in love more than women do.

Questions:

I noticed in figure 6.3 that 2% of married people responded they were not in love with someone, yet still married. I wonder why the chapter did not cover why people stay together in loveless marriages.

Chapter 6: Romance, Love, and Loving Relationships

Summary

There are so many different ways to love someone, including you. The chapter explains the ways to express your love and the many characteristics of love. Love stems from friendships and healthy relationships grow if each partner is respectful, trustworthy, honest, and is supportive of one another. Love can be attained and maintained with the appropriate amount of passion, intimacy, and commitment. Love can be categorized into six styles that vary in intensity with the different styles of love being: eros, mania, ludus, storge, agape, and pragma. Overall, love changes our everyday lives and allows us to grow and survive as human beings. Without love, the health of the world would suffer and it would be a very different place.

New, Interesting, or Unusual Items Learned

It was interesting to learn that there are several ways to kill love by negative and controlling aspects. I didn’t know that these were actually defined as ways to end love.
It was also interesting to see that arranged marriages are still occurring and that the partners involved do begin to fall for one another (for the most part).

Question/Concern

How does the way you are raised impact your ability to love? What influence do your parents have while you are a child and beginning to understand how to self-love?

Chapter 6: Romance, Love, and Loving Relationships

Summary:

In this chapter of the book, Romance, love, and loving relationships are discussed. The book begins with a discussion of loving and liking. Discussed within this section are the topics self-love, friendship, and love and friendship. Self-Love is described in a similar way to how it sounds, in that it is love for oneself, which is seen “as essential for our social and emotional development and as a prerequisite for loving others.” Self-Love plays an important role in the development of self-esteem, in that people who develop self-love tend to be less demanding of others and be more open to criticism. A friend “is someone for whom you feel an affection and respect, can count on for assistance, and with whom you discuss important personal topics.” Friends, not surprisingly, can play a role in not only one’s physical health, but also one’s social and even psychological health. Friends also play a mediating factor in keeping stress to a minimum. Lastly, love and friendship is discussed. Eight important qualities of friendship were discussed here.

· Enjoyment è Pleasure and satisfaction when spending time together. Additionally a feeling of ease despite the occasional disagreement.

· Acceptance è Friends tolerate each other’s faults, and accept one another despite these faults.

· Trust è Belief and dependence on one another, especially in challenging times.

· Respect è Honor each others decisions regardless of how one feels about said decision.

· Mutual Support è Assist each other without the expectation of anything in return.

· Confiding è Share experiences between each other.

· Understanding è Sympathetic to each other’s thoughts and feelings.

· Honesty è Open and honest with each other.

The book then discusses how love envelopes all of these qualities, but also includes sexual desire, priority in that the loving relationship will be taken into consideration over other relationships, and caring (with self-sacrifice).

The book then discusses the topic of what love is. It begins by discussing some characteristics of love. One of these characteristics is that love is multifaceted. This entails that love is multidimensional, in that it varies a great deal over a variety of contexts. A second characteristic is that love is based on respect. This entails that love involves appreciating as well as yearning, rather than one or the other. A third characteristic of love is that love is often demanding. This entails that effort is needed in a long-term relationship, and additionally that it will not always be “picture perfect” as the popular media may try and make it seem. The book then moves onto the discussion of what attracts people to each other. Essentially, love is in many ways determined by socioeconomic standards in which a person lives. While growing up, the living conditions one is exposed to determine much about his/her social standing, and additionally determine a lot about the person that he/she will one day be interested in. Lastly, the book discusses whether lust and love differ. Lust is more of a physiological response than an emotional response. It mainly entails sexual desire, but not the other components of love that were discussed above. For a relationship to involve love, caring, intimacy, and commitment must all be present.

The book then discusses the topic of what caring, intimacy, and commitment entail. Caring is essentially “wanting to help the other person by providing aid and emotional support.” In addition to this, a person must also be receptive to the needs of the other person involved in the relationship. Intimacy primarily entails a feeling of closeness with another person. This does not have to be physical, as physical intimacy is just one small subsection of what all intimacy is. Intimacy consists of physical, affective, and verbal aspects. Lastly, commitment is an important aspect of love. Commitment is described as a person’s willingness to remain in a relationship, despite problems in the relationship.

Next, some theories about love and loving are discussed. The first theory is the biochemistry of love. Basically, theories based on biochemistry focus on how love is founded on things such as evolution, biology, and chemistry. The primary argument is that when people who love each other are around each other, their brains create chemicals such as PEO and endorphins, which have positive feelings for the individual. The two main problems with this perspective are that their research relies on very small sample sizes, and chemicals that trigger these responses can also be found in gamblers and computer gamers as well. The sociological perspective argues that rather than a chemical, culture plays a role in creating love. The second perspective discussed is the attachment theory. This theory proposes that people strive for a connection with others, and this is one’s primary motivation in life. This drives individuals into long-term loving relationships with one another. The third theory discussed is Reiss’s wheel theory of love. In this theory, Reiss discusses four main stages to love.

· Rapport.

· Self-Revelation.

· Mutual dependency.

· Personality need fulfillment.

The basis of this theory is that each of these stages occurs over and over, and can be repeated many times. The next theory discussed was Lee’s styles of loving. In this theory, he discusses six different aspects to love.

· Eros è This consists of love of beauty and physical attraction.

· Mania è This consists of obsessive jealousy and obsessiveness and may lead to anxiety, headaches, etc.

· Ludus è This consists of a casual love that consists of “fun and games.”

· Storge è This consists of a love based on mutual enjoyment and sharing of activities. It is developed over time rather than occurring quickly.

· Agape è This consists of love based on self-sacrifice.

· Pragma è This consists of rational love based on things such as compatibility.

The last theory is called the exchange theory. This theory views love as an exchange process in terms of reward and costs. As one ages, their perceptions of rewards and costs change, altering the relationship.

New/Interesting/Unusual Items Learned:

I never knew there were so many different theories on love. However, none of them really seem to grasp the theory of love as a whole as well as I would have expected (though this may be due to the fact that this is simply an introduction to many of these different theories).

Discussion:

I wonder how Reiss’s theory actually would argue how love actually works. It seems to do an excellent job at describing love, but does not seem to accurately depict how it actually operates, or rather how it actually works.

Karl Wahlen

Chapter 6

Summary:

Chapter 6 is about the differences between friendships, liking, lusting, and loving a person. There are six theories to love the Biochemistry of Love, the Attachment Theory, Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love, Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, Lee Styles of Loving, and the Exchange Theory. This chapter discusses the way people should love each other and how sometime things can get in the way of love. It also talks about how people may express their feelings and the functions of love. Chapter 6 talk about what happens after the love is gone.

Interesting/Unusual Items:

I find this Chapter to be very informative. I have my own opinion on love can be judgmental but I do find this chapter useful.

Discussion:

Why is it that men and women throw the words “I Love You” around so loosely? The meaning of love no longer stands in this day and time. Is love ever enough in a relationship. When do you really stop loving someone?

Chapter 6: Romance, Love and Loving Relationships

Summary

This chapter characterizes 'love' and 'friendship' and the different kinds of relationships that result from them. It illustrates that, although there is not one kind of 'love', it is describable in terms of many of the other qualities and feelings that accompany instances of it, such as respect. Love is compared and contrasted with friendship and lust, and love often entails caring, intimacy, and commitment.

Several theories attempt to establish a formal understanding of love. Biological perspectives look at how love is functional, that it has an evolutionary purpose. Attachment theory looks at how love fulfills a psychological need of connectedness with others. Ira Reiss (sociologist) and Robert Sternberg (psychologist) both deconstruct 'love' into basic parts -- Reiss places these parts in sequential order such that there exists stages (Rapport, Self-Revelation, Mutual dependency, personality, need fulfillment) whereas Sternberg views love as exhibiting three ever-present components (intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment). Sociologist John Lee creates six basic profiles of love: eros (beauty), mania (obsessiveness…), ludus (casual), storage (peaceful/affectionate), agape (altruistic), and pragma (rational). Exchange theory understands love as part of a social exchange process in terms of costs and rewards.

Furthermore, our chapter explores the many functions of love: that it 'ensures human survival' because it implies commitment to raising offspring, that love 'enhances our physical and emotional health', that love 'improves the quality of our lives', and that love is fun.

The differences between men and women with respect to love is also discussed. Although they experience love differently and show their love differently, the chapter shows that there are "more similarities than differences in their attitudes toward love (149)."

The remainder of the chapter discusses barriers to experiencing love (demographic factors, double standards, individualism…), and 'what happens when love goes wrong' (e.g. narcissistic people who do not care for their partners, jealous lovers, and controlling behavior such as guilt trips and abuse).

The chapter goes on to distinguish romantic and long term love. Whereas romantic love may include obsession with the other person, a longing for them and a playfulness with them, long term love may include patience with them, the possibility of marrying them, and putting the other before the self.

Lastly, our author looks outside the culture of the United States and takes a global view of love. Like the United States, romantic love is very common. Less typical of the United States, however, people of certain cultures experience love with respect to arranged marriages -- either falling in love with who they were arranged to marry, or having to inform their family beforehand that they have fallen in love with someone else.

What I learned

In this chapter I learned the sociological perspectives towards love. I particularly liked sociologist John Lee's six basic profiles of love and that he allows these profiles to overlap. He not only has the basic units but a means of showing how they could be played against each other, creating the complex senses of love and love-concepts that we interact with.

Questions/Concerns

I think that it is important to divorce discussion of 'love' the feeling and start discussing 'love' the concept if we are to get anywhere sociologically. I do not see how a feeling could have any implications at all, let alone sociological ones. Only how we conceptualize it could have implications, since conceptualizing is inherently social whereas feeling is not. So what is required is a meta-level discussion of the concept 'love' as we use it in our language.

Relatedly, I recall this book criticizing all self-help books but many sections of this chapter read like a self-help book.

What is love?

Chapter six is an interesting read as it addresses the topic of love. Many of us are still looking for love at this stage in our lives, however there are some who think they have love figured out. Love is extremely hard to define as it "defies a single definition because it varies in degree and intensity and in different social contexts" as the book states. This chapter goes over the differences between lust, love, friendship, intimacy, commitment, what attracts people to each other, what the functions of love are, and in the various ways in which we experience love (whether they are constructive or destructive to our well-being).

What I learned most from this chapter is that there are many different ways in which the concept of love can be interpreted, good or bad. Love is different for those who are in their teens and 20s than for those who have been committed to their partner for years and years. I found it almost disturbing how much Romantic love doesn't exist as you age since we base so much on the "spark" between two people who are married or in love. It is this concept of romantic love and the "sparked" feeling that comes along with it that is actually somewhat destructive because of our expectations of this said "spark" that supposedly is supposed to flourish eventually dies out and once it does, the two significant others often divorce or part ways because of it when in fact their love has just become based on other aspects aside from this "spark" concept.

I also found it interesting how much our health actually depends on if we experience love in our lives or not. I am aware that if you don't have the feeling of being loved by at least your family and friends (as opposed to finding a significant other to love), it can open up for some serious degenerative behavior as an excerpt states: "love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well...in part, this is because people who are lonely are more likely to engage in self-destructive behavior." What an interesting concept to explore....

My question for you all is kind of cliche: Is love a drug?? According to the biochemistry of love, the feelings we experience when we are in love are comparable to those feelings of drug users of speed. It's a natural high that we experience when we find love; "endorphins which are chemically similar to morphine and reside in the brain takes over," and also, "chemicals such as dopamine that apparently trigger intense romantic love are also found in...cocaine users." So what do you all think? Is the human race addicted to love?

Chapter 6

Summary:

This chapter is devoted to love and the issues surrounding that concept.

Love and Liking

The author notes the importance of love as a behavior and emotion in the human life. The role of the family is seen as most central in being a source of love and support. Self-love, in particular, has been as a vital resource for emotional and social development, and as a necessity for loving others. It is also an important factor in determining self-esteem. Friendship is discussed in terms of its usefulness in gaining social, physical, and psychological health benefits. Benokraitis cites some resources that found that people's overall number of (close) friends is on the decline, largely based on their reliance on technological gadgets. Keith Davis lists eight important properties of a friendship: trust; honesty; enjoyment; mutual support; understanding; respect; acceptance; and confiding. Love is said to contain all of these qualities plus three more: priority over other relationships, sexual desire, and caring to the point of self-sacrifice.

What is Love?

Haddaway asks this same question; many people have differing definitions of it. There are distinctions made between 'being in love' and 'loving' someone. Love is seen as demanding, multifaceted, and based on respect. A 'true love,' according to research, does not exist; rather, life circumstances bring people together. Parents, probably unintentionally, set limits on whom we can encounter to pursue a romantic relationship, and cultural taboos put forth restrictions even further. There is a comparison between love and lust, with the former being defined as a profound feeling that can allow ecstasy when fulfilled or suffering when it's not; the latter can be broken down into two parts: sexual arousal, the psychological aspect, and sexual desire, the emotional response.

Caring, Intimacy, and Commitment

Caring involves responding to one another's needs, and wanting to help him/her by showing emotional support and giving aid. People are said to exhibit intimacy when they: have a history together; hold a reciprocal commitment to continued involvement, share mutual emotional interest, have a distinct identity as a couple, and share hopes and dreams for a future together. There is physical, verbal, and affective intimacy, too. Commitment, the third 'C,' is a person's intent to stay in a relationship.

Love Theories

Chapter six details a number of theoretical perspectives on love and loving. It talks about Sternberg's triangular love theory, attachment theory, exchange theory, biochemistry, and Reiss's wheel theory. The reader is also introduced to Lee's styles of loving, which include: ludus, agape, mania, pragma, and storge.

Functions of love and loving

This section of the chapter goes into which function(s) love and loving serve in people's lives. Chief among these reasons are that love is enjoyable, improves our emotional and physical health, enhances the quality of our lives, and ensure human survival.

Experiencing Love

This sections seeks to debunk some commonly-held, but erroneous, beliefs about how people experience love. We learn that men, people between the ages of 30 and 49, and married people are those who are most likely to be in love, which proves opposite to most people's ideas on the subject. Family circumstances can affect the rates of a child of a particular gender and his/her romantic endeavors. Both women and men are said to value sex and love in their romantic relationships. They are also said to exhibit love differently, but have similar attitudes toward it. Heterosexual and homosexual love are said to be similar as well. Certain macro and micro level obstacles are said to affect one's chances at love. Such things as personality and family characteristics, mass society and demographic factors, 'me-first' individualism, and the double standard play a role in love relationships (or lack thereof).

When Love Goes Wrong

There are several instances where love can go from good to bad; narcissism is one of these reasons. Jealously is another of these problems; it comes about from such things as insecurity and possessiveness. Some people resort to such extremes as the cyber- and/or regular stalking of their (ex)partner. Luckily, jealousy is not a universal issue. Other controlling behaviors associated with love include emotional and physical abuse, guilt trips, and other perverse reasons. Some people experience unrequited love, where their advances are either rebuffed, or their desire to 'take things to the next level' is denied.

Romantic and long-term love

Romantic love is passionate, intense, emotional, and sometimes melodramatic. People find that their love is 'blind,' see working, studying, and doing anything but thinking about their beloved is near impossible, and are willing to sacrifice anything for love, among other things. Some people believe in 'love at first sight' or fate. Long-term love has some overlapping characteristics with romantic love, but differs in that it is altruistic, complicated, and has to grow and develop.

Global view of love

Romantic love is a nearly universal concept, as it exists in at least eighty-nine percent of societies. Many people are found to believe in passionate love, too. In places where kin ties take precedence over individual relationships, romance is seen as less important. In some societies, arranged marriages are the preferred way for establishing relationships; love is important in all societies, though.

New/Interesting thing:

I found it interesting that men are said to be in love more often than women. To me, at least after taking cues from the media, it seemed that women fell in love more.

Question:

Do you think the disproportionate ratio of women to men worldwide has anything to do with men being more likely to be in love than women?

Chapter 6

In chapter 6 the author touches on love and all the characteristics of it. He describes love as an emotion and behavior that is a key factor in human survival. For the rest of the chapter the author speaks on this belief and how it is proven through the nature of people in every culture and society. The author speaks of all types of love and how it has aided mankind in all societies.

I found the chapter as a whole interesting. That the author could take a concept as vague as love and base a chapter on it in a sociology book was so interesting to me. I really liked how he started the chapter and went into depth on how love is key for "human survival." This was very interesting to me.

My main question about the chapter is how is love proven? In the chapter it describes the different types of love but how do you determine genuine love between people in society? This is my only major concern with this chapter.

Marcus Jordan

Chapter 6 Blog

Summary:

Chapter 6 begins with the differences between love, liking, lust, and friendship. It talks about characteristics of them like how intimate each relationship is. Some theories about love are the biological standpoint, attachment styles, Reiss's wheel theory, Sternberg's triangular theory, John Lee and his six styles of love, and exchange theory. After the theories, the book discusses what love should be and what it does for our lives. Next are types of romances and things that get in the way of expressing or showing our love. It also brings up some myths in this section like which sex is more jealous or romantic. From jealousy, the book transitions to topics of abuse and ways people twist love to justify what they do or how they are treated.

Interesting Point:

Something I found interesting was that family instability affects boy's romantic relationships more than it does girl's. Gender roles and stereotypes lead us to think that familial conflict would affect girls more, but boys are more influenced.

Concern:

I think it would have been interesting to have a section about what church and religion say about love and its place/function in families.