Summary
This chapter characterizes 'love' and 'friendship' and the different kinds of relationships that result from them. It illustrates that, although there is not one kind of 'love', it is describable in terms of many of the other qualities and feelings that accompany instances of it, such as respect. Love is compared and contrasted with friendship and lust, and love often entails caring, intimacy, and commitment.
Several theories attempt to establish a formal understanding of love. Biological perspectives look at how love is functional, that it has an evolutionary purpose. Attachment theory looks at how love fulfills a psychological need of connectedness with others. Ira Reiss (sociologist) and Robert Sternberg (psychologist) both deconstruct 'love' into basic parts -- Reiss places these parts in sequential order such that there exists stages (Rapport, Self-Revelation, Mutual dependency, personality, need fulfillment) whereas Sternberg views love as exhibiting three ever-present components (intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment). Sociologist John Lee creates six basic profiles of love: eros (beauty), mania (obsessiveness…), ludus (casual), storage (peaceful/affectionate), agape (altruistic), and pragma (rational). Exchange theory understands love as part of a social exchange process in terms of costs and rewards.
Furthermore, our chapter explores the many functions of love: that it 'ensures human survival' because it implies commitment to raising offspring, that love 'enhances our physical and emotional health', that love 'improves the quality of our lives', and that love is fun.
The differences between men and women with respect to love is also discussed. Although they experience love differently and show their love differently, the chapter shows that there are "more similarities than differences in their attitudes toward love (149)."
The remainder of the chapter discusses barriers to experiencing love (demographic factors, double standards, individualism…), and 'what happens when love goes wrong' (e.g. narcissistic people who do not care for their partners, jealous lovers, and controlling behavior such as guilt trips and abuse).
The chapter goes on to distinguish romantic and long term love. Whereas romantic love may include obsession with the other person, a longing for them and a playfulness with them, long term love may include patience with them, the possibility of marrying them, and putting the other before the self.
Lastly, our author looks outside the culture of the United States and takes a global view of love. Like the United States, romantic love is very common. Less typical of the United States, however, people of certain cultures experience love with respect to arranged marriages -- either falling in love with who they were arranged to marry, or having to inform their family beforehand that they have fallen in love with someone else.
What I learned
In this chapter I learned the sociological perspectives towards love. I particularly liked sociologist John Lee's six basic profiles of love and that he allows these profiles to overlap. He not only has the basic units but a means of showing how they could be played against each other, creating the complex senses of love and love-concepts that we interact with.
Questions/Concerns
I think that it is important to divorce discussion of 'love' the feeling and start discussing 'love' the concept if we are to get anywhere sociologically. I do not see how a feeling could have any implications at all, let alone sociological ones. Only how we conceptualize it could have implications, since conceptualizing is inherently social whereas feeling is not. So what is required is a meta-level discussion of the concept 'love' as we use it in our language.
Relatedly, I recall this book criticizing all self-help books but many sections of this chapter read like a self-help book.
No comments:
Post a Comment