Chapter 6

Summary:

In Chapter 6 we learned about:

-Love is a necessity for human survival
- Both are an emotion and a behavior

Self Love:
- Is an important root for self-esteem
- People who are confident are more open to criticism and is less stringent to others

Love and Friendship:

8 important qualities of friendship are:
- Enjoyment
- Acceptance
- Trust
- Respect
- Mutual support
- Confiding
- Understanding
- Honesty

Love has many dimensions:
- Romantic
- Exciting
- Obsessive
- Irrational
- Platonic
- Calming
- Altruistic
- Sensible
- Caring
- Intimacy
- Commitment

· Love varies in different degrees, intensities, and social contexts

- If respect is missing in your relationship, then your relationship is not established of love. However, if respect is missing, then your relationship will be defined as unhealthy, or have a possessive feeling or behavior that limits the couples’:
*Social, emotional, and intellectual growth.

- Real love can be used as the term “stirring the oatmeal”
· Not exciting or thrilling like love novels, movies


· Can be routine and unromantic
· Some partners take turns “stirring the oatmeal”. Others divorce or break up

- Some people believe in “true love” unfortunately “true love” is nonexistent

- Potential lovers are filtered out by formal and informal rules on partner eligibility such as:
· Age
· Race
· Social class
· Religion
· Sexual orientation
· Health
· Physical appearance

Attachment Theory uses 3 measures:
· Secure Style- Does not worry about being abandoned. Easy to talk to and reliable, and vise versa
· Avoidant Style- Does not like being close to others, does not trust people, does not depend on people, gets nervous about being more intimate with their lover than that person feels comfortable
· Anxious/ Ambivalent Style- Wishes people would not be so distant, Worries about their partner loving them, wants to be with someone else, scares people away.

Ress’s Wheel Theory of Love:
- Diagram on page 143 in book

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love:
- Love has 3 important components not stages.
· Intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment

Lee’s Style of Loving:
- 6 basic styles of loving
· Eros, mania, ludus, storge, agape, pragma,

Exchange Theory:
- Provides rewards and costs for each partner in a romantic or long-term love relationship

Functions of Love and Loving:
One historian argues that love is dysfunctional because it creates high divorce rates. That’s because many Americans are in love with love, their unrealistic expectations result in unhappiness and the dissolution of marriages (Coontz, 2005).

- However, a majority of researchers and family doctors believe that love is the center of a healthy and well functioning relationships and families.

Same-Sex Love:
- Is similar to Heterosexual love
* Most partners want to be emotionally close, expect faithfulness, and usually plan to grow old together regardless if the couple is a homosexual couple or a heterosexual couple.


Narcissism:

- Narcissists see themselves as superior to their partner and seek status-a spotlight on themselves- rather than meeting their partners’ needs.

- As a result, they may be unfaithful, break confidences, and keep their partner guessing about the extent of their commitment.

- Narcissists aren't bothered by breaking up, and sometimes can be dangerous if they feel rejected- even outside of dating relationships.

Other Controlling Behaviors:
- Guilt Trips
- Emotional and Physical Abuse
- Perverse Reasons for Love

Figure 6.4 on page 158 shows a chart on Romantic Love and Long-Term Love: How Do They Differ?

Interests/ Unusual Items Learned:

The information that was covered in Chapter 6 was extensive and gave me a better understanding on what Love is, and what makes a well-balanced relationship.


Discussion:

On page 147, under the topic, Functions of Love and Loving, the first paragraph was useful and interesting. I have to agree with the historian on his argument of love. I almost find it sad that most Americans are wrapped around unrealistic expectations of love. With those unrealistic expectations there is a high expectation of a fantasy love that creates disappointment and unhappiness, and can ultimately lead to divorce.

In my personal opinion, I feel that some people are in denial about their actual state of a damaged relationship. So some will be willing to take the next step in the relationship because they feel that will repair the relationship or they are afraid of loosing out on the person they so call “love”. In all retrospect wouldn’t a person rather face reality? If one does not face reality they could end up with more problems besides a broken heart.