Chapter 6

Summary:

This chapter is devoted to love and the issues surrounding that concept.

Love and Liking

The author notes the importance of love as a behavior and emotion in the human life. The role of the family is seen as most central in being a source of love and support. Self-love, in particular, has been as a vital resource for emotional and social development, and as a necessity for loving others. It is also an important factor in determining self-esteem. Friendship is discussed in terms of its usefulness in gaining social, physical, and psychological health benefits. Benokraitis cites some resources that found that people's overall number of (close) friends is on the decline, largely based on their reliance on technological gadgets. Keith Davis lists eight important properties of a friendship: trust; honesty; enjoyment; mutual support; understanding; respect; acceptance; and confiding. Love is said to contain all of these qualities plus three more: priority over other relationships, sexual desire, and caring to the point of self-sacrifice.

What is Love?

Haddaway asks this same question; many people have differing definitions of it. There are distinctions made between 'being in love' and 'loving' someone. Love is seen as demanding, multifaceted, and based on respect. A 'true love,' according to research, does not exist; rather, life circumstances bring people together. Parents, probably unintentionally, set limits on whom we can encounter to pursue a romantic relationship, and cultural taboos put forth restrictions even further. There is a comparison between love and lust, with the former being defined as a profound feeling that can allow ecstasy when fulfilled or suffering when it's not; the latter can be broken down into two parts: sexual arousal, the psychological aspect, and sexual desire, the emotional response.

Caring, Intimacy, and Commitment

Caring involves responding to one another's needs, and wanting to help him/her by showing emotional support and giving aid. People are said to exhibit intimacy when they: have a history together; hold a reciprocal commitment to continued involvement, share mutual emotional interest, have a distinct identity as a couple, and share hopes and dreams for a future together. There is physical, verbal, and affective intimacy, too. Commitment, the third 'C,' is a person's intent to stay in a relationship.

Love Theories

Chapter six details a number of theoretical perspectives on love and loving. It talks about Sternberg's triangular love theory, attachment theory, exchange theory, biochemistry, and Reiss's wheel theory. The reader is also introduced to Lee's styles of loving, which include: ludus, agape, mania, pragma, and storge.

Functions of love and loving

This section of the chapter goes into which function(s) love and loving serve in people's lives. Chief among these reasons are that love is enjoyable, improves our emotional and physical health, enhances the quality of our lives, and ensure human survival.

Experiencing Love

This sections seeks to debunk some commonly-held, but erroneous, beliefs about how people experience love. We learn that men, people between the ages of 30 and 49, and married people are those who are most likely to be in love, which proves opposite to most people's ideas on the subject. Family circumstances can affect the rates of a child of a particular gender and his/her romantic endeavors. Both women and men are said to value sex and love in their romantic relationships. They are also said to exhibit love differently, but have similar attitudes toward it. Heterosexual and homosexual love are said to be similar as well. Certain macro and micro level obstacles are said to affect one's chances at love. Such things as personality and family characteristics, mass society and demographic factors, 'me-first' individualism, and the double standard play a role in love relationships (or lack thereof).

When Love Goes Wrong

There are several instances where love can go from good to bad; narcissism is one of these reasons. Jealously is another of these problems; it comes about from such things as insecurity and possessiveness. Some people resort to such extremes as the cyber- and/or regular stalking of their (ex)partner. Luckily, jealousy is not a universal issue. Other controlling behaviors associated with love include emotional and physical abuse, guilt trips, and other perverse reasons. Some people experience unrequited love, where their advances are either rebuffed, or their desire to 'take things to the next level' is denied.

Romantic and long-term love

Romantic love is passionate, intense, emotional, and sometimes melodramatic. People find that their love is 'blind,' see working, studying, and doing anything but thinking about their beloved is near impossible, and are willing to sacrifice anything for love, among other things. Some people believe in 'love at first sight' or fate. Long-term love has some overlapping characteristics with romantic love, but differs in that it is altruistic, complicated, and has to grow and develop.

Global view of love

Romantic love is a nearly universal concept, as it exists in at least eighty-nine percent of societies. Many people are found to believe in passionate love, too. In places where kin ties take precedence over individual relationships, romance is seen as less important. In some societies, arranged marriages are the preferred way for establishing relationships; love is important in all societies, though.

New/Interesting thing:

I found it interesting that men are said to be in love more often than women. To me, at least after taking cues from the media, it seemed that women fell in love more.

Question:

Do you think the disproportionate ratio of women to men worldwide has anything to do with men being more likely to be in love than women?