Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Chapter 6 Love & Loving Relationships

Chapter 6 is an interesting chapter overall, but I found the following topics interesting & worthy of good discussion:

Love & Friendship
  1. The first two lines or statements of this section caught my attention because I hold them to be very true. "Do you like the people that you love? Sure. Do you love the people you don't like? No-at least not in a healthy relationship.
  • I think these statements are extremely true because I can think of examples of both that are relevant to my life. The eight important qualities of a friendship are crucial in a relationship whether it be with a significant other, friend, or family member. Now these relationships and qualities will take different forms because the dynamics are different but they connect in each of those types of relationships on a basic level.
What is Love?
  1. I like the fact that the book states that love is an elusive concept. I believe love is what we make it so therefore love has different definitions similar or maybe completely different between ourselves and the next person and even within our own relationships. I agree with the book that love is multifaceted, based on respect, and demanding. Love and relationships and love within relationships is time consuming and takes a lot of effort and mental and physical effort specifically.
  2. I thought it was interesting that the book stated that if respect is missing from a relationship then the relationship isn't based on love. It's not surprising, however what is interesting is that people have different views on what's respectful and what's disrespectful, and I think that's where a lot of relationships struggle.
When Love Goes Wrong - Controlling Behavior
  1. The "If You Loved Me" line I think is a line known to many young females. I thought it was interesting that the book touched on this subject. The aspect about this topic that has lead me to believe that when males say this to young females most of them actually believe this to be true to a great extent. It's not just a ploy to get the female to give in, but most males believe that sex is necessary for a relationship. I agree with the book that it allows the male to have a huge proportion of power in the relationship. And the control doesn't stop at sex but permeates throughout the relationship.
How Couples Change
  1. I agree with the book that romantic love is self-centered and long-term love is altruistic. Most of us aren't willing to put ourselves on the back burner for our partner. And if we are, most of the time there's at least one person in the relationship that doesn't like to put their significant others first ever and so they do so very rarely. I think what you can find in most relationships that fail is the fact that once the romantic love begins to fade there's a lack of long-term, altruistic love that goes along with romantic love. When long-term love is stunted the growth of the relationship is as well, which terminates the relationship in the long run.


  1. What do you all think about relationships and respect? Do you think that there's a difference in how men and women define respect within a relationship and do you think that difference can have negative effects on a relationship?
  2. Do you think that if an individual isn't willing to put their significant other before themselves that they don't love the person? And within familial relationships do you think it's important for members of the family besides the parents (i.e. children, aunts, uncles, etc.) to put other family members before them. For example, as an older sister is it important to put my younger brother before me and for him to do the same?
  3. Lastly, what do you think about the "if you loved me concept". I would like the opinion of a male especially on this question because I know men have very different opinions about this topic than females.


  1. Faith,
    I also found it interesting that the book characterized romantic love as being more self-centered and long-term love as altruistic. I too agree with these attributes in that romantic love often involves individuals just focusing on their own needs in the relationship while in long-term love there is commitment and support coming from the couple, and some couples strive to fulfill each others needs, not just their own, together.

    To answer your second question, I don’t necessarily think that just because an individual isn’t willing to put their significant other before themselves it means they don’t love that person. In my opinion, some people are just born egocentric and worry about their own health and well-being before considering the needs of others, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t have strong affections for the other. However, I think families who have members, including the parents, that put other family members before them, makes the family work more as a unit, providing the support necessary to remain stable. In fact, my family can definitely be characterized as a household that has family members constantly looking out for each other, which I believe holds my family together and makes us the close, affectionate family that we are. When my dad is struggling, my mom always is right beside him making sure he’s okay and vice versa; in addition, my parents always make sure my sisters and my needs are met; they often put our health and happiness before their own. Furthermore, my sisters and I ALWAYS look out for each other and our parents; we make sure everyone is in a good state of mind and figure out together how to overcome obstacles we may face. But, I don’t think if a family doesn’t have all these relationships where members “put each other first” one can conclude that they don’t love each other. People go about displaying their love differently.

    -Natalie Fisher

  2. I think to fully love an individual you would do anything in the world to help them. With saying that, I think that people who are not willing to put their own needs and wants aside to help a person they supposely love are selfish. In my opinion I think that if you truly and deeply love another human being there wouldn't be anything you wouldn't do to help them. I think putting yourself second is part of loving someone. However, with that being said I also think that people can love one another in various different ways. Regardless of how you love, I believe you should always at least try to put yourself second. However, there will be times that you can't put yourself second. If putting yourself second will harm your health or something of that matter I believe you are looking at a different situation.

  3. I completely agree with Maria on the idea that to truly, whole-heartedly love someone, you put them before yourself. The way I see it, when you really love someone, you love them more than you love yourself, because love to me is not selfish. In saying that, this counts for romantic partners and family. Loving your friends is different, because as Maria said, there are times when you have to put yourself first, no matter how much you care about or love your friend.

    In family relationships, it depends on how close you are to your family. Personally, I am extremely close with my family, my younger brother is 16 and I consider him to not only be a great brother, but he's a friend. Yeah we all have our arguments and we get mad at each other but in the end, if it came down to sacrificing myself for them, I'd do it in a heart beat.