Chapter 6 Blog

1. Summary

• In order for a loving relationship to work there needs to be a willingness to accommodate the other person, to accept his/her shortcomings, and to have as much concern about his/her well-being as one’s own. Friendship and love are interconnected having the same characteristics that make them up which are trust, respect, honesty, and mutual support. The foundations of love are caring, intimacy, and commitment. These characteristics are meant to build up the relationships and help love flourish.
• The attachment theory is a way to understand the concepts of love and loving. This theory proposes that warm, secure, loving relationships in infancy are essential to forming loving relationships in adulthood. Reiss had four stages of love. Sternberg focused on passion, intimacy, and decision/commitment of the relationship. Lee identified six styles of loving. Finally exchange theorists view love as mutually beneficial transactions. There are many functions of love. Several of them are availability of partners; desire to have children, the drive for survival, quality of life, inspiration, and for fun.
• The chapter then started to talk about how women and men perceive relationships. Men are more romantic and suffer greatly when a relationship ends. Women are more verbal with their love and are willing to work at a relationship, but are pragmatic when it comes to moving on. Then along with this the book goes on to talk about the obstacles people face in relationships. There are at large barriers (macro-level) such as depersonalization of mass society, demographics, double standards, society’s emphasis on individualism, negative perspectives of homosexual relationships, and family pressures. Then there is the micro- level obstacle which is more involved with personality and past experiences. There are also specific personality characteristics that go along with the micro-level obstacles. They are narcissism and jealousy which can be destructive if not under control.
• The chapter then goes on to explain that even though romantic love is the ideal love that most people hope to achieve is not long term which characteristically secure and constant and is able to adapt. To go along with this the book starts to talk about how people express love in different cultures. Societies can either embrace love or view it as something that is unimportant in marriage because it does not benefit anyone.
• My Opinions/ Questions

• I found the attachment theory to be very interesting for the pure fact of the different styles someone could have and still be classified underneath that theory. I actually found it interesting that none of these styles are what I would consider being attached to someone. I mean they are secure, avoidant and anxious/ambivalent. I think if you were truly attached to someone you would base more of your decisions on what they do rather than just how you personally feel.
• I also found all of the different styles of loving to be interesting for the pure fact that they do not include the pre-relationship get together. I know that they are talking about the actual love that is developed in the relationship, but the relationship cannot form unless there is some initial attraction to the other person. I mean personally I am one for relationships that are based on personality, but in reality if you look at how relationships are formed it is based on first impressions/appealing qualities. I mean if you look at classic tales of love it is all about ‘love at first sight’.
• Which brings up my question can there theoretically be an instant connection where you are instantly in love with that person? I mean I know that romantic love eventually ends and you have to adapt to make a relationship work, but is that what love at first sight is? Is it the romantic stage of love that doesn’t go any further or can it truly be sufficient to make a relationship last? Also with questioning love at first sight is there such thing as a soul mate for everyone/ true love? I mean I feel that these things could be true love, but I feel that it is just a sensation that cannot go beyond the basic infatuation stage of a relationship.