Summary
Chapter six explains love and relationships. The chapter begins by defining different types of love. First there is self-love which is an important for self-esteem and being able to reciprocate friendship. Friendship is important because it has a strong impact on our physical, social, and psychological health. Keith Davis identified eight key qualities of friendship: enjoyment, acceptance, trust, respect, mutual support, confiding, understanding, and honesty. Love includes all of these traits with the addition of sexual desire, priority over other relationships, and caring to the point of self-sacrifice.
Love is complicated and has multiple dimensions; it can be romantic, exciting, obsessive, irrational, platonic, calming, altruistic, and sensible. There is no one definition for love because it “varies in degree and intensity and in different social contexts”. However, there are several qualities of love that are almost always included regardless of the context: caring, intimacy, and commitment.
There are several theories about why and how we love. The book discusses biological explanations, the attachment theory, Reiss’s wheel theory, Sternberg’s triangular theory, Lee’s styles of loving, and the exchange theory.
Love serves numerous functions including ensuring human survival, enhancing physical and emotional health as well as the quality of life, and “love is fun”. This chapter also compares and contrasts romantic and long-term love. Romantic love is often short loved and although it can be exhilarating, it can also be disappointing. Long-term love is adaptable and can change over the life course; it is usually secure and stable.
Finally, the chapter concludes with a discussion on various views of love across different cultures. Some cultures place more of an emphasis on love than others. Romantic love is practically universal but hasn’t always been the basis for marriage. Arranged love is more common outside of the United States and other Western countries. It is often the norm because of the emphasis other cultures place on respecting parents’ wishes and family traditions.
What I Learned
I learned that my experiences/views on love are not unique to me and that there are many theories that attempt to explain why and how we love. I also found it really interesting how much love changes over a lifetime, from being short lived and self-centered to more practical and stable.
Question/Concern
Is it possible for romantic love to turn into long-term love?
I feel like regardless of what type of love you want to “classify” it as there will always be some aspect of romance to a long-term relationship. Although I believe that those involved in the long-term relationship will not be as focused on some of the components that characterize and make up romantic love, they still feel some of it. Even putting aside the fact that a long-term relationship may or may not currently be experiencing these characteristics of romantic love, I believe that it is possible and most likely that they did at one point and still occasionally do. For instance, I believe that a relationship is always growing and changing, but I believe that if a person is in a committed long term relationship that they probably believe that they would never find a love like this again. There is almost always a spark needed to continue a relationship onward, and whether or not that spark is there on a daily basis, if the couple was that dissatisfied, I would hope that they would at least do something to change it in a way that would make it more pleasant, and perhaps more romantic again.
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