Chapter 8

Summary:

Chapter 8 in our text book is about dating and mating.  The book defines dating as, “the process of meeting people socially for possible mate selection” (pg 202).  People date for many manifest reasons some of them are to show they are grown up, for someone to have fun with, for someone to support them, for intimacy, or simply to find someone to spend the rest of their life with.  There are also latent functions of dating.  They include learning about gender roles in the family and in social settings; they date for social status, for a self-esteem boost, sex, and dating has become a commodity.

There are many different types of dating as well.  There are contemporary dating rituals, traditional, and a combination of them both. Which one is use depends on the culture and the person’s parents socio-economic status. Dating has also changed as technology has changed. “Cyber dating,” or online dating has just recently become popular as the internet has become more of a commodity. 

As much as most people want to be able to say that they can date whomever they want, there are still some constraints. There are a few different ways we choose who we date. It has to do with first of all, physical appearance.  Women’s looks are emphasized is society today, so that’s very important to them. Ethnicity and race also play a huge role in whom we date.  Although we want to say that racism in the U.S. is not a huge deal, there are still families that may not let a son or daughter date someone because of their race. Age and social class are also a huge factor and dating. I put these together because an example of how these affect each other is a younger woman who is dating an older man because of his social status/class. Another term for that is heterogamy which, “refers to dating or marrying someone form a social, racial, ethnic, religion, or age group that is different from one’s own” (215). 

Next, the chapter gives some explanations as to why we choose the mates we do.  The first theory is social exchange theory, which means there is a cost and benefit relationship between two mates. The next theory is Equity Theory. This theory says that the more equal the give and take of the relationship is, the better the relationship works. Mating works different in modern societies than it does in more traditional societies.  For example, more traditional societies have a dowry on brides, which means her father gives her away at her wedding and also gives the groom a certain about of money/goods.  Some traditional societies have to marry others within a certain kin group while more modern societies have more freedom with whom they marry.  Another difference is arranged or free to choose marriages.

Chapter 8 then discusses dating that is dangerous and harmful.  There are many types of dating violence.  There is physical violence like hitting, slapping and the like. There is also rape and sexual violence.  Finally, there is verbal and psychological violence in which a partner verbally abuses the other. There are gender roles in dating violence. It is usually assumed that it is the man doing these things because they are typically bigger than women and are able to be more powerful.

Finally the chapter talks about breaking up. It is a normal occurrence that is usually done for a good reason, such as a cheating partner, unhealthy relationship, or the love ends.

What I learned:

I really liked the section about dating in more traditional cultures versus more modern cultures. It’s interesting to see what other country’s and culture’s norms are. I thought the age of marriage was interesting to think about. It is normal for girls in their teens to get married in more traditional cultures. In America, we think it’s pretty weird when a woman gets married that young.  Usually, the women in traditional cultures have children soon after they are married. In America we have Teen Mom because people think it’s weird and not normal when girls have children when they are in their teens.

Question for discussion:

Friday morning on the Early Show, the author of the book The Secret Lives of Wives, Iris Krasnow was featured. Although she was talking mostly about marriage, the rules she gave can still apply to people just dating.  She said how important it was that the person you are dating is not your sole source of happiness.

She also said something I found really interesting. She said, “never marry your best friend.” I have always heard that that’s an important part of the person you marry. However, Krasnow said that the person you marry can’t be your best friend because you have to be able to spend time apart from them. She said the key to a strong, healthy relationship is being able to find someone that you can see yourself being able to go on vacation and trips without. What do you guys think? Do you think that is an important part of who we look to marry? Do you want to marry your best friend?

Also, here is a truly touching excerpt from her book:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/10/07/earlyshow/main20117095.shtml

Gina Zidek