Summary
Chapter eight discusses dating and various theories of how we choose a mate as well as breaking up. To begin, dating serves multiple purposes both manifest and latent. Manifest functions include maturation, fun and recreation, companionship, love and affection, and mate selection. Latent functions of dating include socialization, enhancing social status, fulfillment of ego needs, sexual experimentation and intimacy, as well as providing an economic market.
There are a number of ways that people date. Traditionally, girls are asked out by boys and boys are in charge of planning and paying for the date. There are several cultural variations on traditional dating such as coming-out parties, debutante balls, bat mitzvahs, bar mitzvahs, and quinceaneras. On the other hand, contemporary dating is much more casual and involves hanging out and “hooking up”. In addition, there are traditional-contemporary combinations of dating; examples include proms and dinner dates.
There are several theories that attempt to explain who we date and why. The filter theory argues that we choose our mates according to explicit criteria which “narrows the pool of potential partners to a small number of candidates”. One of these filtering systems is homogamy which refers to dating someone with similar characteristics whether that be attractiveness, age, ethnicity, etc. The social exchange theory proposes that we are attracted to people stay in relationships when the rewards are greater than the costs. The equity theory is an expansion of the social exchange theory and argues that in order for a relationship to be stable and satisfying to both partners, it must be “equitable and mutually beneficial”.
Dating can become harmful when a partner becomes aggressive, violent, sexually pressures the other, or forces sexual intercourse. In these instances it would be healthy to break up. Other reasons for breaking up include communication problems, different interests, infidelity, or lack of a commitment. In addition to these individual reasons, there are structural reasons as well. Structural reasons include moving away, economic recessions, and societal reactions are disapproving.
What I Learned
I was surprised by the list of the most important qualities in a mate. Specifically, I found it interesting that men and women have the same top five wants in a mate. Also, I was surprised that men want similar religious backgrounds whereas that quality did not make the women’s list at all. I’ve always found in other classes that religion and spirituality is often more important to women than men.
Question/Concern
Do you think arranged marriages would work better than dating? How would you feel if your parents chose your husband or wife for you?
Let's be real, I think a lot of people would love arranged marriages, it would be a lot easier than dating! However, I do agree with the argument that everyone makes when it comes to arranged marriages; you don't get to marry the person that you love. In a lot of cultures, you don't even meet the person you are marrying until a few days before the wedding and then you are expected to be married and work together. It's one thing if the couple doesn't love each other the way a married couple should, it's another if they can't even get along. I'm sure that's hard on the children that they have and makes it difficult for them to run a household.
ReplyDeleteGina Z
I have actually thought about this question a lot. Personally, I know that my mom is constantly trying to find the guy that she wants me to end up with. She is a religious fanatic and is annoyed whenever my brother and I are in a relationship with anyone who is not Roman Catholic. Not only is she always looking at the religion but she is looking at their personalities. I know she means well but her ideals for me are not the same as mine. Although dating is not always the best or easiest thing in the world, I like knowing that when it comes to me being in a relationship, it is my choice on how I act on it. For once, I get to make the calls and if I’m unhappy it is my responsibility to change that. There are definitely some perks to arranged marriages, just the “not having to look for someone” factor is a huge perk, but with an arranged marriage, especially in today’s societies, I think it would be very hard for me to get along with the other person if he was not someone I was truly interested in. I think also with an arranged marriage you would have more of a chance to end up in a marriage that could be unhealthy because if something is not working out for you, then you would feel obligated to stay in the relationship because that is what is expected of you. All in all, I think it is much more of a negative to have arranged marriages and I think it would cause more trouble than it’s worth.
ReplyDeleteObviously arranged marriages make finding a partner much easier. However, even though your parents have known you longest, they don't always know what you're looking for in a partner/potential husband/wife. So although my parents' opinions about my potential husband are important factors to me, I don't think I could fully trust them to find a husband for me.
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