We date others as a form of a "marriage market"--we want to see the options! It also allows maturation of the relationship, a form of recreation, to show our love, and to select our mates. Less obviously, it allows socialization, promotes our social status, allows sexual experimentation, and it boosts the economy. Traditionally, dating was heavily set in gender roles and was usually seen as a "formal" event. Now, there is rarely much planning and boys and girls typically just "hang out" together. We meet each other in many different ways: from mail order brides to speed dating, it varies greatly from cult ure to culture. We choose who we want to date based on the following constrictions: how geographically close we are to one another, what they look like, their race, their age, their social class, and lastly, their values and morals that they hold. There are two main theories as to why we date: the social exchange theory (that our partners will provide us with various benefits) and the equity theory (budding off of the social exchange theory, it proposes that relationships last best if both partners are equally satisfied). In some cultures, arranged marriages are very often conducted. They are used because "the culture is more important than the individual." They are often used because it allows the parents to choose who they feel will be a right match for their children and for themselves! In a country close to China, many men kidnap their brides because they want to not have to pay the $800 cost of marriage, and they want to force the woman into marrying them even if they say no. This leads into the next section of harmful dating--20% of all college women will be raped, or have a rape attempt. Some factors that contribute to this disturbing statistic include family abuse, gender roles, peer pressure, and drugs/alcohol. Lastly, the book takes a look at breaking up. Is it healthy or is it unhealthy? The consensus is that it is definitely healthy. It helps us "filter out unsuitable prospective mates" that won't help us getting closer to marriage or long-term, happy, healthy relationships!
2. Interesting
The box on page 219, "Am I Seeing the Wrong Person?" was very interesting! It shows that outside of the relationship, it is often very obvious when a partner is using you, but in a relationship, the same phrases can be seen as very romantic--"I don't want to have sex with you--I want to make love to you!"
3. Questions
What are your views on mail order brides? Are they a step to a modern life for these women, or a slight step down from prostitution?
In my opinion, mail order brides are just another form of prostitution. The article states that American men choose mail order brides because they are uneducated, subservient, submissive, and easily controlled. In addition, these women are basically advertising their bodies through scantily clad pictures. And, obviously there is the fact that the men are paying for the women to marry them. I don't see how there is anything right about this and I'm not even sure how it's legal.
ReplyDeleteMail order brides are almost like slaves in the modern world. I wonder if these brides even know what they are getting into at first. Or on the other hand, if they do not and are actually trying to get away from where they are from. There are many ways to look at mail order brides from different perspectives.
ReplyDeleteBrian Bitner