Chapter 8: Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection

Summary:

This chapter of the book discusses some interesting ideas pertaining to choosing others in terms of dating and mate selection. The book begins with a definition of dating. It describes dating as, “The process of meeting people socially for possible mate selection.” The book then delves into an in depth discussion of why individuals date. One term brought up is the marriage market. It poses the argument that depicts dating as being a process where individuals assess the assets/liabilities of eligible partners and decide which of these individuals is the best choice. This then goes into the argument that everyone has a market value, which I see as very similar to the stock market, in that individuals are attempting to maximize their resources, or in this case, picking the best partner with the most to offer the relationship. There are some basic manifest functions of dating. These include:

· Maturation è Illustrates to others that the adolescent is capable of new developmental tasks.

· Fun and Recreation è Assists in relieving boredom, stress, etc.

· Companionship è Valuable source of companionship.

· Love and Affection è Socially acceptable way of enjoying intimacy.

· Mate Selection è Dating essentially involves a search for a marriage partner for the future.

Additionally, there are some latent functions of dating as well. These include:

· Socialization è Individuals learn social norms and nuances through the process of dating.

· Social Status è Assists in boosting one’s status and prestige.

· Fulfillment of Ego Needs è Assists in boosting one’s self-esteem and/or self-image.

· Sexual Experimentation and Intimacy è Many teenagers learn about sex through the process of dating.

· Big Business è Economic market for society as a whole.

The dating spectrum varies considerably from the traditional courtship that has been seen in previous times. One aspect is traditional dating, which occurred primarily throughout the 1970s. Males and females, in this form of dating, have clearly defined cultural norms that are adhered to. An example of this would be seen through the term “going steady.” This process usually entailed dating each other for a period of time before deciding to exclusively see each other and no one else. Another aspect of dating spectrum is contemporary dating. Generally, this would consist of hanging out, getting together, or hooking up. However, there are also traditional-contemporary combinations of relationships. Instances of this can be seen through prom/homecoming parties, dinner dates, etc.

Another aspect of dating that the book touches upon is meeting others. Some ways this could occur are through:

· Personal classified advertisements.

· Mail-Order Brides è An estimated 4% of the 100000-150000 women seeking U.S. husbands find them.

· Professional matchmakers.

· Speed dating.

· Cyberdating è This seems to be an up and coming way of meeting people, allowing someone to meet potentially hundreds of potential people through groups and chat rooms.

Another aspect of dating that is touched upon is how choices and constrains on individuals are made and/or placed upon them. One theory is the homogamy and filter theory. This theory follows the following principle:

Propinquity (Geographic Closeness) è Physical Appearance è Ethnicity/Race è Religion è Age è Social Class è Values/Personality

This theory works on the basis that these factors work like a filter to narrow the possibilities of who someone might date.

New/Interesting/Unusual Items Learned:

I thought that the idea of the homogamy and filter theory was fascinating. It seems to have many aspects to it that seem to make sense as natural filters in deciding whether one will view someone in their “dating pool.” This also has many implications for which person someone dates (rather obviously).

Discussion:

One interesting thing to debate could be the order of the homogamy and filter theory. I am not sure I completely agree with the order posed by the book. Does anyone have an order that they feel to be more accurate in terms of importance of the filter?

Karl Wahlen