Summary
Chapter 8, Choosing Others, Dating and Mate Selection starts with defining “dating” as the process of meeting people socially for possible mate selection. 24 percent of high schoolers say they are dating frequently, but dating has declined among people under the age of 18. People date to compare “assets and liabilities” of eligible partners in a “marriage market,” so to speak. Dating fulfills many important functions: maturation, fun and recreation, companionship, love and affection, mate selection, socialization, social status, fulfillment of ego needs, sexual experimentation and intimacy, and big business. Traditional dating involved “going steady,” and contemporary dating usually involves hanging out, getting together, and hooking up. Proms and homecoming parties and dinner dates are involved in traditional-contemporary dating. Many people who date later in life meet people in different ways: classifieds, mail order brides, professional matchmakers, speed dating, and cyber dating. Heterogamy refers to dating/marrying somebody from a social, racial, ethnic, religious, or age group different from one’s own. Homogamy is defined as dating somebody from the same “group” of terms listed before. Terms that drive courtship in Western nations are wealth, age, and values. While dating, power and control is a huge factor. Acquaintance and date rape are very common, and women are especially vulnerable. While dating it is important to note that breaking up is healthy.
Interesting Facts
I think the reasons why abusers control relationships are very interesting, because even though you always think it will never happen to you, it very well might. I have many friends who experience jealousy and blaming, coercion, intimidation and threats, isolation, physical abuse, emotional and verbal abuse, and sexual abuse. I see isolation in many of my friend’s relationships.
Question
For people who experience abusive relationship – why do you think the relationship turned out that way? It must’ve originally started great, do you think jealousy is healthy or not?
Steve Boser
With your question about jealousy, I think it just depends on the relationship. You have to take into account each individual person and the amount of jealously involved. I think a little jealousy isn't really that bad, if it's just showing that you care about the person. However, if you cross the line to a lot of jealousy, it can result in a miserable experience for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteI have not personally been in an abusive relationship but one of my friends was in one in high school. I feel that the relationship turned out that way because the guy felt he could keep treating her badly and could get away with it. She wouldn't stand up for herself because she felt like she couldn't do any better and she always talked about how much the good outweighed the bad. She would talk about all the sweet stuff he'd do for her but of course, that sweet stuff would follow some kind of abusive behavior.
ReplyDeleteI think that jealousy is a natural feeling, everyone is going to feel it about their significant other at one point in the relationship. However, I feel that when you're in a relationship, you should be secure enough to not let jealousy get out of control. Once it gets out of control, that's when it becomes unhealthy.
I believe a lot of time people come into an abuse relationships is because they ignored all the signs or just want someone to love them. it usually becames a problem when the trust has gone.
ReplyDeleteI think Shalanda has a point but I need to add on a little.
ReplyDeleteI have Asperger's and it is not that I was desperate for love or ignored the signs of abuse but failed to understand what those signs were. I was emotionally and verbally abused by two different guys, I just thought they were both being ridiculous and at times funny (I can't distinguish a joke from a serious remark), and did not take them and their remarks/comments seriously for most cases. I found out that I was verbally and emotionally abused after reading tons of academic and non-academic resources and digesting all that information.
Eser Y.