Chapter 17: Families in older life

Summary

With the advancements of medicine and technology, life expectancy in the US is greater, therefore the number of older adults is higher than earlier. The aging population is more diverse than before and it is projected to become more diverse in the upcoming decades. There is also a gender gap among the elderly; there are more women than men due to longer life expectancy of women.

However, how do we define old? People from different age groups tend to define oldness differently. Especially younger people associate elderly with certain stereotypes such as elderly being grumpier, complaining for various health problems, technology-illiterate , narrow and outdated interests, and living in the past. These stereotypes form the foundation of ageism, discrimination against people based on their ages. It seems most of these stereotypes are unfounded even though they are highly believed. Also the society praises youth and therefore being old is tough in such an environment. People pour money for anti-aging treatments which mostly seem to be bogus. One thing we learn in this chapter is that aging is normal. Bodies start showing signs of aging around late 30s and fitness levels decrease, however it doesn’t mean that getting old equals losing health; there are many healthy elderly people who enjoy great physical health. Also old age doesn't necessarily mean deficiencies in mental health, since most elderly are happy and patient compared to younger people. Although, most common mental health problems among the elderly are depression and dementia. In conclusion, the old age is more a relative term for the elderly depending on how they feel but legally 65 is considered as old.

Many elderly work past their retirement age. They may hold management or advisory positions where their experiences and opinions are valued. However some people think older workers are less productive, lack imagination, and uptight, and more costly since they earn more and require more health care. There are some others that hold positions that do not require much energy and skills such as clerical jobs. However, there are many who are actively looking for jobs but can't find any. Interestingly, not all elderly work because they need finances but because they want to work. Some variations exist among the retirement incomes. Women tend to earn less than men, couples more than singles, whites more than others. Retirement may be an anticipated time for many but also a source of tension in some families.

Many elderly are also grandparents and grandparenting comes in different flavors, ranging from remote, supportive, involved and influential, authoritative to cultural transmitters. Grandparents may be also custodial and take care of their grandchildren. Some multigenerational families involve grandparents to be key players in children's lives. In addition, there are daycare grandparents that help care for the youngsters during the day while the parents are working. It seems grandparents help most for their daughters and even more for the single parent daughters. On a similar note, divorce can make grandparent-grandchild relationships differ. Custodial parents family seems to be involved continuously in their grandchild's lives but noncustodial ones may voluntarily or not lose some of the contact with the children. Grandparents' divorce is not any different in straining relationships.

Older parents still tend to have strong bonds with their children. In addition, their relationships with their siblings may become important as well. There are also various sibling relationships, some more involved and caring some indifferent and even hostile.

Dying is something we will all face one day but we tend to not think about it until we get old. Kubler-Ross defined the 5 steps of dying grief by watching terminally ill-patients. Her steps include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Although some people don’t seem to follow this order or they may skip some steps. Some terminally ill elderly spends their final moments in the hospice care and most elderly die in a health care setting rather than in their homes. Although most of these people die of diseases, there are debates about whether people should be given a right for assisted-death.

Dying affects family of the passed one as well. Family members cope with death through grief and mourning which usually lasts a few months to a few years. Some widows later start dating and remarry, others enjoy living alone and independently. Most widows are women and it is harder to remarry for older women since there is a scarcity of men. Some elderly are being cared by their families. Some styles include routine help, backups, circumscribed, sporadic, and disassociated. Although some people enjoy caregiving there are may strains associated. There are also other caring sources such as nursing homes.

With the growing population of elderly that requires government assistance, and with economic downturn it seems to be getting blurry for the newer generations for their times in need. Some solutions may be either increase the age of retirement or make the health care industry more competitive.

Interesting points:

I thought it was interesting to learn that so many Japanese wives seem to suffer from retired husband syndrome. I understand that lives change greatly by retirement but I would not imagine the numbers would be as high as 60%.

It was also interesting to find out from the graph on page 484 that older people are more eager than the younger to work.

Questions/comments:

Going back to the graph on page 484, I think I belong to the group "both" since I obviously need money but I also enjoy working a lot (I have a full-time job). But I am surprised to see that 49% of people below 65 work just for money. It just indicates that there must be a lot of people who don't enjoy their job enough. I wonder whether they can't find positions they would like and settle down for something they don't care or choose the wrong profession, or are some just plain lazy?

Eser