Summary
BEING SINGLE AGAIN: DATING AND COHABITATION
Dating after Divorce
Cohabitation: An alternative to Dating after a Divorce
FORMING A STEPFAMILY
What Is a Stepfamily?
How Common Are Remarriage and Stepfamilies?
CHARACTERISTICS OF REMARRIED COUPLES
Age and Gender
Gender and Race/Ethnicity
Social Class
Presence of Children
REMARRIAGE AS A PROCESS
Emotional Remarriage
Psychic Remarriage
Community Remarriage
Parental Remarriage
Economic Remarriage
Legal Remarriage
HOW FIRST MARRIAGES AND REMARRIAGES DIFFER
Family Composition
stepsiblings- brothers or sisters who share a biological or adoptive parent and a stepparent
half siblings- brothers or sisters who share only one biological or adoptive parent
Role Expectations
Changes across the Life Course
Stress and Resources
COUPLE DYNAMICS IN STEPFAMILIES
Myths about Remarriage: The Nuclear Family Myth, The Compensation Myth, The Instant Love Myth, The Rescue Fantasy
Marital Roles and Power
Remarriage Satisfaction
Remarriage Stability
THE DIVERSITY AND COMPLEXITY OF STEPFAMILIES
Types of Stepfamilies
genogram- a diagram showing the biological relationships among family members
mother-stepfather family all the children are biological children of the mother and stepchildren of the father
father-stepmother family- all the children are biological children of the father and stepchildren of the mother
joint stepfamily- at least one child is the biological child of both parents, at least one child is the biological child of only one partner and the stepchild of the other parent, and no other type of child is present
Gay and Lesbian Stepfamilies
Some Characteristics of Stepfamilies
1. the structure of the stepfamilies is complex
2. a stepfamily must cope with unique tasks
3. stepfamilies often experience more stress and conflict than nuclear families
4. stepfamily integration typically takes years rather than months
5. important relationships may be cut off or end abruptly and others spring up overnight
6. there are continuous transitions and adjustments rather than stability
7. stepfamilies are less cohesive than nulear or single-parent households
8. stepfamilies need great flexibility in their everyday behavior
9. stepfamily members often have unrealistic expectations
10. there is no shared family history
11. there may be many loyalty conflicts
12. stepfamily roles are often ambiguous
LIVING IN A STEPFAMILY
Stereotypes and Stepfamilies
Parenting in Stepfamilies: naming, sexual boundaries, legal issues, distributing economic resources, distributing emotional resources, developing the stepparent-stepchild relationships, establishing discipline and closeness, gender differences in children's adjustment, intergenerational relationships
Some Effects of Stepfamilies on Children: how children fare, some explanations for the effects of stepfamilies on children
SUCCESSFUL REMARRIAGES AND STEPFAMILIES
Some Characteristics of Successful Stepfamilies
The Rewards of Remarriage and Stepparenting
Points of Interest
Over Thanksgiving break I watched Supernanny with my family. The teenage daughter in the episode showed her resentment toward her mother. After several years after the marriage, she finally got to talk to her mom about what she was thinking. She mentioned that she was angry that her mother never asked her if it was "ok" for her to marry this new man. I don't understand why a parent could let that child be angry for so long and never ask why she had these feelings. Once you involve children in the remarriage, you have to include them because the process affects them as much as it affects the people getting married.
Page 468 poses the question of if the photo shown reflects reality. I do not think those photos do, just as most do not. Every Christmas picture my family takes is an issue to this day and my parents barely ever argue let along have the motivation to get a divorce.
Questions
On page 465 there is a box labeled "The Ten Commandments of Stepparenting." Do you agree with all 10 suggestions? Would you add any? Which one do you think is broken most often by stepparents?
I feel that the one that is broken most often is the do not accept all the responsibility; the child has some, too/ set limits and enforce them. I feel that these ones are most violated because the step parents are trying to make the child like them and create a peaceful environment. I think that the stepparent needs to treat the child like everyone else because they will run into trouble down the road when they are trying to punish them or scold them.
ReplyDeleteThe worst "commandment of stepparenting" listed -- the one that I most disagree with -- is #3, that the stepparent should 'set limits and enforce them'.
ReplyDeleteIn my view, if parents divorce and a child stays with a biological parent, then that parent should be their only authoritative figure. That is to say that only biological parents should have the *privilege* of telling a child what they can or cannot do.
The reason that a child obeys his/her parent is because he/she have a deeply ingrained reason to -- because they always had obeyed the parent. Put in terms of authority, parents have authority simply because they are parents -- they have always had authority. These are the people who have always told the child how to behave, who have rewarded them for good behavior and punished them for bad behavior. Here, I only use the word parent, but I specifically mean biological parent. I only say parent because the child doesn't think in terms of 'biological parents' and 'non-biological parents', only 'parents'. That one's parents are biological is naturally assumed. This is why adopted children are surprised when they are told later in life that they have been adopted -- because they have made the natural assumption that their parents are biological. Children don't grow up making the assumption that their parents are adoptive or grow up assuming that there is a step-parent present.
To introduce non-biological parent into a child's life, especially a stranger, and grant them authority to govern a childs behavior will surely lead more often than not to defiance, as it should -- because the child for his or her self has no good reason to obey that person. Or we might say, the reason that a child might havee is not one that has developed through experience and practice, but only a bogus demand placed on the child by one of the parents. Although the person may be seen as a parent's partner, the person will not be seen as 'parent'. The reason that the child has always obeyed their parent -- that he/she always had obeyed them -- does not extend to this new person.