Chapter 16 goes into the life after a family experiences divorce. For those who have just agreed to a divorce, the single life presents many options. Those who divorce are likely to date after the divorce is official and in some cases people have already been dating before the divorce has been finalized. It is easier for younger people to get involved in the dating scene after a divorce than it is for people who have been married for many years as dating might seem scary to them and they may feel like they have been "out of the game" for too long to find anyone else. The chapter discusses how cohabitation is common after divorce for those who are dating. Cohabitation after divorce may speed up the courtship and people might jump back into a marriage for fear of being alone and running out of time to find a suitable partner. On the flip side, cohabitation may delay marriage and the people may feel less rushed to get involved before making the commitment to each other. Once people decide to remarry after a divorce, a stepfamily is then formed which is defined as a household in which two adults who are biological or adoptive parents with a child from a previous relationship decide to marry or cohabit. Stepfamilies are very common in our culture as many people who get divorced have children and often decide to remarry after dating someone. The presence of children in a remarriage has an important role on a parent's decision to remarry or not. Children might make it hard for those seeking a new relationship because they may automatically resent the new person in their parent's life for "replacing" their biological parent who is no longer apart of the dating parent's life. Also, it is easier for men to remarry than for women because women usually get primary custody of the children in a divorce which makes it easier for the man in the divorce to go out and date and find another partner and it would be for the woman in a divorce whose primary responsibility is to care for and provide for her children--this may not allow for time to focus on finding a new suitable partner if the interest is there. The book brings up several kinds of remarriage when it presents remarriage as a "process." The stages this process are known as emotional remarriage, psychic remarriage, community remarriage, parental remarriage, economic remarriage, and legal remarriage. The book also brings up the differences between first marriages and remarriages. Some of these differences include family composition in which a remarriage presents a lot of changes for the family, especially the children in the family. They will now have stepsiblings or halfsiblings. Children not only have to get along with new siblings but have new grandparents and aunts and uncles that enter their life. This might make the child feel detached from their biological parent involved in the remarriage because they might feel like a "guest" in their family, especially if their primary custody is spent with the other parent. Remarriages can be exhausting to children especially for those who are required to travel between homes. Role expectations are another difference between first marriages and remarriages. The role of a mother might change in a stepfamily if the child is not accepting of the marriage--the stepmother may not be viewed as a "motherly figure" to the child and vise versa with the stepfather in a stepfamily. This may make living in a step family difficult if those involved aren't accepting of the new members of the family, especially in the "cinderella situation" in which step parents mistreat their stepchildren because they may feel because they aren't their biological offspring, therefore don't see their needs or accomplishments as important as that of their actual biological children.
One thing that I found interesting in this chapter was the idea of the myth of the nuclear family myth and the my of instant love. I have honestly never heard of this myth about a stepfamily before--especially being involved in one myself. The myth is completely ridiculous to me, considering I have my own experience with the actuality of what a stepfamily is like and the idea that everyone will automatically be happy and accepting within a remarriage. There are some cases in which this may be true if for example the other parent may be extremely harsh on the child and unsupportive of their accomplishments or needs, the child may be happier in a remarriage of the opposite parent because they may feel more included as a part of the family. My own experience is quite the opposite and there have been many issues and conflict with the person that my father chose to remarry which has led to an additional strain on my relationship with my father, unfortunately.
My question for you all is how important do you feel remarriage is? The chapter mentioned that many women these days may rush into a remarriage with the notion that her children need a father figure in their life, but how important is it really? Also in the reverse situation in which a father might remarry for fear of being alone or the want of a mother figure for his children (if he were to have sole or primary custody of his children)?
I do not feel that remarriage is extremely important. If it makes the person happy to be married to this new person that they found then that is fine, but to rush into a marriage just because you think your child needs a father or mother figure in their live does not make sense; what about the biological mother or father that your child already has (granted that there are no horrible circumstances where the mother or father is some type of threat to the the child)? Divorce does not erase a person as their child's parent. Remarriage should be done for the parent, to make them happy (as long as it does not harm or hurt their child in any way). There have been children who have had great lives and have good great things with themselves without a mother or father figure, so to rush into a marriage (that could end up failing too) just for that reason does not make sense at all
ReplyDelete- Jade Richardson
I think remarriage is just as important as marriage. Clearly, marriage is a huge commitment, which in my opinion would indicate that a remarriage is just as important as a first marriage. In many cases, it can be more important. For example as you states, people might remarry for reasons that a first marriage did not previously meet, such as finding another parent figure for their children. Maturity can also be an indication for the importance of remarriage; where some first marriages might have been rushed, perhaps people who remarry know what they want and need from a marriage, both for themselves and their children. Also, since they saw how a previous marriage might have fallen through, people who remarry might be more committed in making future marriages work.
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