Chapter 16 Remarriage & Stepfamilies

I found two things in particular that were interesting in this chapter:

First, the topic of Gay and Lesbian Stepfamilies

• The book states that the problems faced within stepfamilies are expanded and deepened within gay and lesbian families.
• However, the diversity and ability to cope with obstacles within gay and lesbian families are the same as heterosexual stepfamilies.
• Within "stepmother families" lesbian couples, the lesbian stepmother takes on a more traditional role, but the biological mother makes most of the decisions.
• Within "co-mother families" both women have equal say and power concerning decisions that are made within the household and for the children.
• Within "co-parent families" the mother who does not have the child is a supporter of her female partner and remains active within the child's life.

Secondly, characteristics of Stepfamilies:

Some of these characteristics include,

• Complexity- the dynamics of the family change with step-parents and new siblings. New ties are formed between aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.
• Coping with unusual tasks- Rejection from children is a huge obstacle faced by step parents. Setting boundaries for kids within the home can be difficult with children who aren't receiving these rules from their biological parents.
• Stress- Being a different "type" of family or a family that doesn't fit the cultural norm many stepfamilies deal with stress to fit in with traditional families. Many times, families are joined together within a household all at once and are forced to adjust quickly.
• Integration- Getting used to the dynamics of a new family formed together can take numerous years. The age of the children involved within the family play an important role in how long it takes the family to adjust to their new setting.
• Relationships- Because of the difficulty fathers have in remaining within their children's lives after divorce depending on the situation, relationships can be severed or damaged from lack of involvement or communication from one parent or the other, but fathers especially.
• Flexibility- Adjusting to the idea and dynamics of a stepfamily involves a lot of give and take. Many couples are forced to make arrangements concerning visitation of children. Also, life within a stepfamily's home may not seem normal compared to traditional families. Things must be planned out and decided before time can be spent between family members.
• Cohesive- Because a stepfamily is a mixture of family members from different families, certain bonds to biological parents are kept and nurtered and favored over those of new family members. A child may feel distant from their step parent if a bond is never formed.
• Expectations- many parents have high hopes that their family will bond cohesively and work together as a unit. They expect their children to get along, for the dynamics to remain the same as if they were a traditional nuclear family.

Questions:

1. What do you think about gay/lesbian couples? Do you think it's harder for a gay couple to fit in as a family with a child than women because it's two men raising a child? Do you think that a gay or lesbian couple can raise a child traditionally as the way a heterosexual couple would?
2. Do you think there are any advantages/disadvantages for a child who is being raised by a gay or lesbian couple?
3. Have you ever known a gay or lesbian couple who raised a child? What were they like?
4. What do you think about the characteristics labeled to stepfamilies? Do you think these characteristics are realistic? Fair or unfair?
5. What do you think is the success rate for stepfamilies staying together within today's society? Do you think it's as easy as having a nuclear family? Would you remarry and attempt to join together your family and another if you were in that position?