Chapter 16 examines the concept of remarriages and stepfamilies. According to the chapter, the median time between a divorce and marriage is 3.5 years. The chapter notes the complexity of dating after divorce. Dating may be even more challenging for couples who had been married for many years and had been out of the dating scene for that long amount of time. However, as seen above, the dating relationship often turns into another marriage within three or four years. Often times, previously divorced people will cohabitate with their new partners before they decide on remarriage. Along with remarriage often comes the combining of two different sets of children. The book defines a stepfamily as “a household in which two adults who are biological or adoptive parents (heterosexual, gay, or lesbian) with a child from a previous relationship elect to marry or to cohabit. The book notes that factors such as gender and social class affect whether an individual remarries. For example, the wealthier a divorced man is, the more likely he’ll remarry. The chapter discusses remarriage as part of a larger process, which includes emotional remarriage, psychic remarriage, community remarriage, parental remarriage, parental remarriage, economic remarriage, and legal remarriage. The book notes that first marriages and second marriages differ in multiple ways including family composition, role expectations and stress and resources. There are several myths associated with remarriage. The first is the nuclear family myth purports that the family members will all love and respect each other and form close bonds. The compensation myth is when an individual expects their new spouse to be everything that their ex spouse was not. The instant love myth is when stepparents assume that there will be an instant intimacy between them and their new stepchild. Finally, the rescue fantasy is when a stepparent believes they are rescuing a child from a too lenient or mean custodial parent. The points out that 60% of remarriages end in divorce. This is compared to the 45% of first marriages ending in divorce. The book notes three different types of step-families. These are mother-stepfather family, father-stepmother family, and the joint stepfamily. There are many stereotypes associated with step families including that of an evil step mother. The book notes that approximately 17% of American children live in a stepfamily. The book goes on to describe the effects that stepfamilies can have on children. Research results are mixed. Some studies find negative effects associated with being in a stepfamily while others find little to none negative effects. It has been found that boys have sex at a later age when they have a very involved step-father. All in all, it seems that strong relationships with custodial and noncustodial and stepparents has an effect on a child’s well being. There are different theories that explain these effects. Some of these include family stress theories, risk and resilience theories, social capital models and the cumulative effects hypothesis. Finally the book points out characteristics of successful stepfamilies. Some of these include developing realistic expectations, letting children mourn their losses, forging a strong couple relationship, taking on disciplinary roles gradually, developing own rituals, and working out satisfactory arrangements between children’s household.
Something new/interesting
Something interesting that I learned was the fact that the elderly in the future may have to begin to rely more heavily on their step-children than their biological children. The book points out that the more adult children see their step-parents as family, the more likely they’ll be to care for their step-parents as they age.
Discussion point
Do you feel like the myth of the step-mother as evil is still perpetuated today?
-Ali Mosser
I think that the step mother being seen as evil probably is still pretty prevalent today. However, I think it probably depends a lot more on the situation now. I think that kids are more likely to view a step mother as evil if there was a situation where maybe the father was cheating on the mother with the new step mother or something like that, as opposed to meeting her a few years after the divorce. Also, I think that age is a big factor. If kids are still pretty young, especially watching disney movies where there are a lot of evil step mothers, then I think they are more likely to react that way than older kids, maybe teenagers, who know the difference.
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