Chapter 15 discusses a popular topic among American families, separation and divorce. The chapter outlines the differences between a separation and a divorce. A separation generally comes before a couple will get a divorce, but a separation does not always lead to divorce. There are 4 phases of separation: Preseparation, early separation, midseparation, and late separation. While going through the separate phases, many couples may reconcile and get back together, which in these cases separation would not result in divorce. Another reason why couples opt towards a permanent separation but not divorce is the lack of financial resources to do so. However, this means the couple is still married unless they go through the divorce process. There are various kinds of divorce that a couple goes through and these are emotional divorce, legal divorce, economic divorce, coparental divorce (if the couple has children), community divorce, and psychic divorce. There are many reasons why people seek divorce these days and some of the reasons are as wide as economical disputes in the relationship, cultural values that support the practice, the age of the couple at the time of marriage (younger you are when you marry, the increased risk of divorce), unrealistic expectations of a partner, and finally infidelity within a marriage is a big factor in couples seeking out divorce over reconciliation. The chapter makes it clear that all kinds of people get divorces, however it might be more difficult for others such as with same-sex divorces. If a state does not recognize a marriage, they are unable to get a divorce. If a couple getting a divorce has children, their situation becomes slightly more complicated than a couple with no children at the time of divorce. Child custody battles make divorce more stressful and often put the child in the middle of the situation between their parents which can be detrimental to them later on in life when it comes to forming relationships. The chapter does pose some benefits for children towards the end of the chapter stating that a divorce will eliminate stressful, unhappy environments which have a huge impact on the well-being of a child. This supports the reasons to divorce rather than staying together for the kids, which couples often do but can lead to even more stress and conflict that necessary.
Something I found to be extremely surprising is that the divorce rates have actually been decreasing. The book states that today the divorce rates are lower than they were in between the years 1975 and 1990. You would think that it would be the opposite, as it seems like everyone opts for a divorce when their marriage isn't working out these days. To me it feels like people don't take marriage for what it used to be and the sacredness that marriage is supposed to represent between two people is lost on recent generations getting married. So I was surprised to learn that the rates are lower than in the past.
My question for you all is that given the statistics on divorce that between 43 and 46 percent of American marriages end in divorce, do you think this scares people off from getting married because they wouldn't want to deal with the mess of a divorce? Even if the person they were to marry and they couple were totally compatible, do you think this statistic scares people from tying the knot? Why or why not?
I do think that this stat scares people away from getting married. I think a lot of people who are happy with where they are in their lives with their partners don't see a need to get married. I think they have this viewpoint because they believe they don't need to "label" their love for one another. I think people are afraid to get married because they are afraid to be in the percentage of people whose marriages fail. They would rather just keep doing what has been working for them.
ReplyDeleteI would also agree with Maria on this fact. When you go into a marriage knowing that close to half of marriages end in failure, it is really like flipping a coin to see whether your marriage will work out or not. However, when people are simply living together or dating, this though process can be put off to some extent, since it is not finalized, so to speak, so this statistic can be put to the back of one's mind.
ReplyDeleteKarl Wahlen
I think there's sort of two different ways to look at it. On one side I think that it definitely does deter people from getting married, because they may feel as if there's little hope for it turning out well and actually lasting their whole life. However, I think on the other side it makes divorce seem ok. And, because of that, I think some people might go into a marriage they aren't completely ready for, just because they know that so many other people get divorced, so they don't see it as a big deal.
ReplyDeleteI think it throws out the notion that marriage doesn't last. I know some couples will stay together and never get married because they believe that marriage complicates things and can ruin a relationship. I think it scares off some people, but not those who are adamant on getting married and are willing to take the risk that the marriage won't work. I think it's the actual dynamics of marriage that scares the person not the person's potential spouse.
ReplyDelete