Chapter 16 - Remarriage

1) Summary

After a couple gets a divorce, they become singles again. It seems that many people start dating after and even during the divorce process for several reasons such as they are afraid of remaining single, they want to fill the void after divorce with a new love or a new warm body.

Many people remarry however dating after divorce is a little different than before first marriage. For example, many divorced individuals prefer cohabitation as a test for relationship and they believe that braking up a cohabiting relationship is easier on little children. Also, if the individual was married for a long time they may feel uncomfortable or insecure about entering the dating world again. About half of remarriages start with cohabitation but not all cohabiting relationships end in marriage. Some people form step families through remarriage but some through cohabitation.

A step family is a household where there are two cohabiting or married adults and at least one of them has children from a previous relationship in the household living with them. It seems 1 in 3 people is involved with a step family. Combined with the fact that approximately 85 % of divorced individuals remarry, it indicates that Americans have not lost their faith in marriage.

One group most likely to remarry is young women with few marketable skills and want children, who are very attractive for older men. In addition, white women have a higher rate of remarriages than others. Socioeconomically, richer the man more chances he has to remarry. Less educated or poorer the woman, the more likely she is willing to remarry. However, the more educated or richer a woman, the more attractive she becomes however she has not much to gain from a remarriage. Presence of children also complicates dating and remarriage, especially for mothers who are likely the primary custodians. Some childless people may like the idea of an existing family to join, however for many it is a turn-off. And some women may rush into a marriage to fill the void of an absentee father.

Remarriage has multiple components like divorce; emotional, social, financial, parental, and finally legal. They also differ from first marriages by other aspects such as family composition, role expectations, changes across the lifecourse, and different sources of stress. There are also numerous myths about remarriages, such as nuclear family myth, compensation myth, instant love myth and the rescue fantasy.

On the brighter side, couples report more power equality in second marriages. Also, if things are working out, mothers feel more satisfied in a remarriage than divorced single mothers. However remarriage stability is not that high, since 60 % of them end up in divorce again.

Stepfamilies are very complex as well. There are mother-stepfather, father-stepmother and joint stepfamilies. beyond their complexity stepfamilies face unique problems and deal with unique tasks. In addition, stepfamilies face more stress and problems than nuclear families. One thing to keep in mind is that forming stepfamilies takes years and it is not an instant process. Also dynamics of important relationships are very different. Instead of stability there are continuous transitions and adaptations. Stepfamilies are less cohesive and require more flexibility. Some problems also include that stepfamilies have no shared history and members may have unrealistic expectations. Family roles are ambiguous and there may be divided loyalties.

2) Interesting findings:

I thought it was interesting to read that one out of three Americans is a stepparent or a stepchild. I wasn't aware that stepfamilies were this common.

3) Discussion:

On the rewards of remarriage section it is indicated that remarried couples tell that they have more rewards in their new marriage form the previous one. And when remarried parents are happy, children are more happy as well. Do you agree with these?

Eser