Chapter 15

Summary:

In Chapter 15 we learned about:

- Separation has several meanings
· It can be a break for the couple that have a very stressful marriage, and they are not sure if they want to end the marriage or not
· One spouse might move out of the house to see what it is like not living together anymore
· Can be permanent due to religion
· The party may seek legal separation

Phases of separation one might go through:
· Preseparation
- The couple will dream about living a new life without each other
· Early separation
- Will experience mixed feeling about leaving the marriage, and will be overwhelmed with trivial and serious questions
· Midseparation
- The realization of the unforgiving reality of everyday living kicks in
· Late Separation
- Must learn how to live as a single person again

- Even if someone is separating they do not go through all 4 stages, they will experience heartbreak for months/years before getting over it.

- 10% of Americans that got married and separated did get back together

- 6% of Americans that are separated never do the paperwork. Therefore their divorce is never official

- Divorce rates have decreased. However, there is not an exact answer as to why the divorce rates have decreased.

Speculation as to why the divorce rates have decreased:
· Cohabitation
- Have lowered marriage and divorce rates

- A lot of marriages end before their 10th wedding anniversary

- When the divorce takes place it can be a very painful experience in a lot of peoples lives.

Bohannon’s six “stations” of divorce:
· Emotional
· Legal
· Economic
· Coparental
· Community
· Psychic

3 interrelated reasons why divorce rates vary:
· Macro or societal
- Divorce laws, and technology
· Demographic
- Parental divorce, gender, and social class
· Micro or interpersonal
- Violence, and substance abuse

- Married couples can acquire more wealth as compared to a single/divorced people because:
· Have one house
· Save more money
· Invest more of their income
· Could have a better work ethic by working harder and looking for promotions that will help pay for their child’s education

Types of child custody:
· Sole custody
· Split custody
· Joint custody

- Nearly 1 million American children experience a parental breakup every year
- 40% of American children experience a parental divorce before turning an adult

Side affects that a child experiences coming from a divorced family:
· Lower academic achievement
· Behavioral problems
· Lower self-concept
· Long-term health problems

- People who divorce are more likely to have poor parenting skills
- Have higher lever of marital conflicts
- Suffer constant economic stress

· The 3 examples above can happen before a separation or divorce occurs
- A divorce or remarriage can cause parental stress that can pass down to the children
- Parental attitudes during and after the divorce can affect the child’s behavior, and perceptions about family life. Therefore, its not always the actual divorce itself

- However, a child’s adjustment to divorce can vary for different reasons
- Some examples are:
· Quality of parenting ends after divorce
· Children loose touch with their father. That loss can be carried into the child’s adult life if the father does not take his parenting role seriously
· One of the major benefits a child gets from a parents divorce is that it reduces the amount of stress that a child can witness in a high-conflicted home.
Children and young adults can experience positive outcomes in a parents divorce under these conditions:
· Both parents take co-parenting seriously
· If the parents are always civil with each other
· If the parents have good communication with their kids
· If the children feel comfortable in each of the parents homes
· Parents who support their children financially throughout high school and college

Interests/ Unusual Items Learned:

I found the information in chapter 15 helpful in a sense because my parents went through separation and divorce when I was a kid, and I did not really understand the process that much. The information provided cleared up any confusion I had. I also found it interesting that I was able to relate to some of the information in the book, and it was a relief that I wasn’t the only one experiencing things like this.

Discussion:

I thought the book had a very interesting section that I would like to talk about. The section is on page 439, and is labeled constraints. This article talks about the pros and cons of making a divorce harder, and where the problems are in the legal system today as to why it is easy to get a divorce.

Since I came from a divorced family, I was able see how painful the divorce process is and how a divorce can tear apart a family. My feelings towards making a divorce harder are mixed. I know that sometimes it really is best if a couple does get a divorce. However, I think some couples just really don’t have an interest in saving their marriage. In my personal opinion it’s sad.

Under the stop and think article, the book asks if marriages should be harder to get. I thought that was a good question because usually I have just heard people say that they should just make divorces harder. In the situation of making a marriage harder to obtain, I would say yes. Something should be done to make people realize that marriage is not to fulfill someone’s fantasy of a dream wedding and fairy tale life. Marriage is real and it is hard work. Once the marriage has taken place, the couple will be expected to stay together forever and should realize that it is forever.

Then, I thought to myself, if marriages are harder to get people will more than likely take the easy way out and just cohabitate. What are your thoughts on making it harder to get a divorce/ marriage?

Natalie Sebula