Chapter 15

Summary:

Chapter 15 focuses on separation and divorce and how it affects families. This chapter begins with a discussion of the process and outcomes of separation, beginning with the phases. The first phase of separation is preseparation. During this stage, the partners may fantasize about what it would be like to live alone, escape from family responsibilities, or form new sexual liaisons. These rarely become reality but can lead into a couple splitting up after slow emotional alienation. The second stage of separation is early separation which occurs with the newly separated couples being bombarded with questions of both serious and trivial matters such as what should they tell their family, to what about the vacuum cleaner and other appliances. Also in this stage the couples may face economic issues. The next stage is midseparation, which is when harsh realities of everyday living set in. Here, the pressures of maintaining two households and meeting the family’s needs intensify. The final stage is late separation. In this stage is when partners learn how to survive as singles and how to deal with children if they have any. This part of the chapter also discusses some of the outcomes of marital separation. Under this topic separation statistics on separation and reconciliation were mentioned, even though there aren’t many, statistics on separation without divorce was mentioned, and statistics on separation and divorce were mentioned. Here, the chapter finally defines divorce; it is the legal and formal dissolution of a marriage and is not a new phenomenon.

The next section of this chapter discusses trends in divorce. One of the most notable things brought up in this section was that talk show hosts and many journalists often proclaim that one in two U.S. marriages end in divorce. The important part about this statement is that it is misleading because it implies that in one year, the people who marry are the same ones who get a divorce, which is false. Another key part of this section was that divorce rates have actually decreased. Divorce peaked in the early 1950s after WWII due to the impulsive marriages before soldiers departed for war.

Following this section is the discussion of the process of divorce. Within this part of the chapter emotional divorce, legal divorce, economic divorce, coparental divorce, community divorce and psychic divorce are all defined and discussed. Emotional divorce begins before any legal steps are taken. This is when one or both partners may feel disillusioned, unhappy, or rejected. An emotional divorce commonly progresses through three phases, the beginning phase, which is when spouses feel disappointed in each other but hope that the marriage will improve, the middle phase, which is their feelings of hurt and anger increasing as efforts to correct the situation seem unsuccessful, and the end phase, which one of the partners stops caring and detaches emotionally from one another. On the other hand, legal divorce is the formal dissolution of a marriage. In this stage, couples reach agreements on issues such as child custody and the division of property and other assets. This is the stage where alimony and child support may be included. The economic divorce is when the couple may argue about who should pay past debts, property taxes, and new expenses. Coparental divorces involves agreements about legal responsibility for financial support of the children, their day-to-day care, and the rights of the custodial and noncustodial parents in spending time with them, and the community divorce occurs where the couple informs friends, family, teachers, and other that they are no longer married. The last stage of divorce, psychic divorce, is where the partners separate from each other emotionally and establish separate lives.

Chapter 15 continues with discussing the reasons for people getting divorce, both macro-level reasons and micro-level reasons. This section of the chapter also covers demographic variables and divorce and same sex divorce. Mentioned in this section are divorces laws, and more specifically, the idea that all states have no-fault divorce laws. These enable it so that neither partner needs to establish guilt or wrongdoing on the part of the other. Before these came into effect, the partner who initiated the divorce had to prove that the other was to blame for the collapse of the marriage because of adultery, desertion, or physical and mental cruelty. Religion institutions, the economy, military service, cultural values, social integration, which are the social bonds that people have with others and with the community at large, and technology are all factors of the Macro-reasons for divorce. Some of the variables that effect divorce include: parental divorce, the age at which a couple gets married, premarital pregnancy and childbearing, premarital cohabitation, the presence of children, gender, race and ethnicity, social class, religion, and the similarity between spouses. As for the micro-level and interpersonal reasons for divorce, this chapter mentions people having unrealistic expectations, conflict and abuse, infidelity, and a key one as being communication.

The next section of this chapter discusses how divorce affects adults. Some of the highlighted features of this chapter include the physical, emotional, and psychological effects, economic and financial changes, child custody, and child support. Some of the specific economic and financial changes that play an effect in divorces are alimony, gender, and age. When this chapter goes on to discuss child custody, it explains some of the types of custody and the pros and cons of co-custody. Within this book, custody is defined as a court-mandated ruling as to which a divorced parent will have the primary responsibility for the welfare and upbringing of the children. There are four types of custodies that are listed here, the first being sole custody. In sole custody, on parent has sole responsibility for raising the child; the other parent has specific visitation rights. This surprisingly is about 81 percent of all cases. Split custody, which is only approximately 2 percent of the cases, is when children are divided between the parents either by sex or by choice. Joint custody is the third type and is sometimes called dual residence custody. About 16 percent of all cases are joint custody, and this occurs when the children divide their time between their parents, who share in decisions about their upbringing. Co-custody is the final type that this chapter discusses, and is when parents share physical and legal custody of their children equally. However fair this may seem, this still brings up many issues because fathers’ rights groups and many women are on opposite sides of the issue.

Continuing through the chapter, the next topic discussed is how divorce affects children. Some concerns that this chapter brings up is if your child should be your peer and your support in a divorce, what a child experiences before, during, and after a divorce and whether or not it hurts him/her, and what helps children before, during and after divorces. Some aspects of divorce that can hurt a child include the parental problems before a divorce, the timing of the divorce, the ongoing parental conflict and hostility that sometimes parallels with a divorce, the quality of parenting, economic hardship, and the cumulative effects of a divorce. Here, this chapter brings forth a concept in which it defines as the intergenerational transmission of divorce. This occurs when a divorce can also have negative consequences for subsequent generations.

This chapter then continues with the discussion of some positive outcomes of separation and divorce. Within this section of the chapter benefits for children are addressed. The most common positive outcome of divorce is that it provides options for people in miserable marriages, which in return can eliminate an unhappy, frustrating, and stressful situation that a child may be experiencing. This section also discusses benefits for adults. Within this section it was stated that after about 10 years of being divorced, most people have built a satisfying new life. It was also stated that most women are more likely to cite gains from a divorce than men, but men gain the ability to spend more money on themselves or their hobbies.

The final section of this chapter discusses counseling, marital therapy, divorce mediation, and collaborative divorce. Within this part of the chapter both advantages and disadvantages of counseling and marital therapy are discussed. Also within this section, divorce mediation is defined. This is when a trained arbitrator helps the couple come to an agreement. Similarly to counseling and marital therapy, both the advantages and disadvantages are discussed. Collaborative divorce, which is a method of trying to resolve disputes before finalizing a divorce in court, is also discussed here. One of the benefits to a collaborative divorce is that it gives couples the ability to have more control over the outcome because they can voice their opinions, compromise, and settle issues, instead of having a judge make the final decisions. However, a disadvantage of collaborative divorce is that it doesn’t work for couples with a history of domestic violence, drug or alcohol addiction, serious untreated mental illness, or an intention to hurt the other party emotionally or financially.

What was interesting/what did I learn:

I found it interesting that divorce is less likely today than it was 30 years ago. I would have thought that with all of the technological advances and other forms of media that they would have caused more divorces. With this being said, I do have to agree though with finding the divorce rate alarming. Regardless of the fact that divorce rates have decreased, it is still almost half of the people who marry that end up in a divorce.

Question:

I found it interesting that women are twice as likely as men to initiate a divorce. This made me wonder why, is it because she feels that her husband is committing adultery, or is it simply just because women across all ages are in unhappy marriages. If it is the latter, it makes me wonder why most women are in these unhappy marriages. Is it simply because of the amount of estrogen and the P.M.S. which most men would blame it on? What are your thoughts on why women are in unhappy marriages?