Summary:
The chapter starts off by defining what a separation is. A separation is a temporary or permanent arrangement that precede a divorce. It has four phases: pre-separation, early separation, mid-separation, and late separation. These separations lead to one of three things which is divorce, long-term separation, or reconciliation. There is no real trend to who separates it varies by race, ethnicity, and social class. Divorce rates exponentially increased in the 1970’s, and then leveled off in the 1980’s, and has been decreasing slowly since the mid-1990s. Typically the only reason people only ended their marriages if only one of the partners dead or if the partner deserted the other one. Nowadays people’s most common cause for marriages ending is because of divorce. There are twice as many women filing for divorce then men. Even some women want to legalize a husband’s emotional or physical absence. Others are more independent economically and are less inclined to tolerate their husbands’ extramarital affairs or unacceptable behaviors. Divorce is typically a long and drawn-out process. It is commonly seen that people go through one or more of six stages: the emotional divorce, the legal divorce, the economic divorce, the co-parental divorce, the community divorce, and the psychic divorce.
It may not appear to be true but there are many logical reasons for divorce. These reasons include macro-level factors such as changing gender roles, demographic variables. An example is marriage at a young. Micro/ interpersonal factors that may contribute to the reasons are unrealistic expectations and infidelity. Even though these are justifiable reasons there are a lot of consequences for filing for divorce which could include psychological, economic, and legal. Another severe consequence is since child support awards are usually low most women and children go into poverty after a divorce. This child custody can be given in three different ways. The types of child custody are sole, split, and joint. In the past a person would see sole custody given to the mother, but now joint custody and co-parenting are becoming more common. Even though situations satisfy the parents it can be harmful to children.
The legal breakup is not just an instantaneous thing the problems that lead to the marital disruption occur way before the legal breakup. Instead of just automatically getting a divorce counseling and divorce meditation are alternatives options to the traditional adversarial approach of the legal processes. Mediated divorces tend to be less bitter and less expensive and offer more support and input on child-custody decisions. Collaborative divorce is a recent strategy that can reduce the likelihood of expensive court battles.
My Opinions/Questions:
When I was reading about the trends in divorce I was trying to think about what historical event occurred to increase it so drastically. I thought maybe that it had something to do with the women’s rights movement. The reason being is that I feel that a lot of women felt that it was their duty to their family and would dishonor their family if they got divorced. I think this movement helped women to realize that they are people too and do not have to follow all of the orders of the man in their lives. This is brought up the question of is the rate of divorce decreasing now because of more successful marriages or do you think that people are now co-habitating with their partners that it would e only considered as a separation and not a divorce?
The picture on page 431 really touched me because I did not think that parents that were in custody battles actually really cared about their kids. I thought they were just fighting the battle to fight the battle. I really am glad to see that there are fathers out there who actually do care about their kids and want to be involved in their children’s lives. This is a nice gesture and all but I do not believe that joint custody works because children either resent their parents or are still hoping that their parents will get back together. I was wondering if the rest of the class feels that joint/ co- custody actually is successful without having the children emotionally distressed. Does joint custody work?
I don't think that there is any one function of joint custody so we can't analyze whether or not it works per se, but we can focus on your first question regarding the emotional affects of joint custody on children. More clearly, does moving between households or caretakers rather than living in one home with one caretaker cause emotional distress? My answer is that it is not clear that it does. What causes the emotional distress is the knowledge that the parents are separated, not the moving between custodies. We can see 'custody' as nothing more than taking care of or being responsible for. Thus, children with married parents move between custodies all the time, being taken care of by their mother for one period of time and their father for another period of time. This is not an emotional problem. It goes to show that it is the emotions of the divorce, not of the custody, that are distressful.
ReplyDeleteI think joint custody is beneficial when the parents have a good relationship and effectively explain the dynamics of their divorce to their children. I also think it's important for the family to still spend time together even though the parents are divorced. I believe that kids won't be emotionally distressed as long as they're around a healthy relationship (married or divorced) and their parents communicate with them. When parents get a divorce and don't explain to the children why or make the children aware of what's happening within the family the child feels anger and resentment because they feel they have no control or say in the situation. In most cases kids don't have a say but they feel more involved in the process. I think all family members need to be involved in the process in some way or another even if it's just being aware of the situation.
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