Chapter One: The Changing Family

Summary:

- When seeking a true definition of family one is very hard to find. How one person sees "family" and who they may consider to be apart of their family may be completely different than someone else's view, or reality. The so-called "traditional" family would have the following qualities:

• two or more people


• related by blood, adoption, or marriage


• live together


• act as an economic unit


• bear and raise children

This definition, and the qualities it includes, leaves out may different type of families that are now forming all around the world. In order to ensure that no one family was left out, Benokraitis defines a family as having the following qualities:

• two or more people


• live together


• committed relationship


• care for one another & children


• share activities


• have close emotional ties

Included in Benokraitis' definition of family, is the idea of fictive kin. Fictive kin are people within a family that are not blood relatives of the family, but they are accepted into the family because of strong bonds that may have been made, and they are important to the biological family members.

-There may not be one all inclusive definition of the family, but there are five basic functions that all families seem to carry out universally.

1. Sex Regulation: In regulating sex, families are able to minimize jealousy and stop sexual competition. In some cultures there are incest taboos in place to make sure that mating occurs outside of the family, and in other cultures marrying younger bothers, or cousins, is acceptable in order to keep certain possessions within one family.


2. Procreation and Socialization: Two people coming together and bearing a child, or children, is essential in stabilizing a country's population. Once a couple has a child it is now there responsibility to socialize the child. Socialization is when a child learns language, beliefs, values, roles, attitudes, and norms of the society.


3. Economic Support: A family provides financial security to all its members. One is not alone when in need of food, shelter, and clothing in order for the family to survive.


4. Emotional Support: The family provides all of its members with emotional support that one may not get from other people in which they interact with on a daily basis. The emotional support of a family is, in most cases, undying.


5. Social Class Placement: Social Class is a group of individuals who have the same place in society based on education, income, power, and prestige. Social class effects the daily lives of a family, and one's family could determine their social class. Social class tends to shape the way one's values and attitudes towards life

-Even though those five functions tie families together universally, there are many difference within the way families are structured. There are:

• Nuclear Families vs Extended Families: A nuclear family is a family that consist of married parents and their biological children. An extended family is a family that is made up of parents, children, and other relatives in the family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, etc.)


• Patrilocal vs Matrilocal vs Neolocal Families: A patrilocal family is when a newly married couple lives with the husband's family. A matrilocal family is when a newly married couple lives with the wife's family. A neolocal family is when the newly married couple go out and finds a place of their own.


• Matriarchy vs Patriarchy vs Egalitarian Families: In a matriarchy the oldest female in the family (grandmother, or mother) controls everything and has power over the males in the family. In a patriarchy the oldest males (grandfather, or father) controls everything and has the power over the females in the family. In egalitarian families, the two partners share the control and power over everything.


• Monogamy vs Polygamy: Monogamy is when one person is married to only one other person. Polygamy is when one person has multiple spouses. More specifically, when a man has two or more wives it is called polygyny, and when a woman has two or more husbands it is called polyandry.

-There are some myths about families that Benokraitis pointed out in this chapter. Myths about the family can either be functional, or dysfunctional. Functional myths would bring people together, while dysfunctional myths are negative and can disrupt the family. Some of the myths are about:

• The Past: This myth includes talks of the "good old days". Our ideas how how things used to be has be effected by the movies and television shows that have come out. The way families behave now are the same ways in which families behave then, too.


• What Is Natural: Many people believe they know what is natural when it comes to families. Such as, it is natural for one to get married and have children, so one who is not married, or is married and has not had a child yet are looked down upon.


• The Self-Sufficient Family: This myth deals with the thought that people believe that families have the ability to survive on their own with out the aid of the government, or outside help. This is not true. Just look at high school graduates who are hoping to receive a decent amount of financial aid in order to aid with tuition. With our economy failing more families are collect unemployment checks and welfare to help their family survive.


• Family As A Loving Refuge: The family is thought to be a "haven in a heartless world", but in fact the home is where it is most physically and psychologically abusing. There are stresses from children, work, and your spouse. As well as, stresses from parents, grandparents, and sibling rivalries.


• The Perfect Marriage, The Perfect Family: This myth is that all marriages are perfect, or that one can have the perfect family. This sense of perfection is impossible to reach. Each family has their own problems; big or small.

-When talking about the changes that are happening within the family, there are three different perspectives on what is actually happening:

• The Family is Deteriorating: This perspectives focuses on the trends of weakened marriages and family life. The reason that the family is deteriorating is because families are getting away from the traditional things that kept a family together from before (ex. the husband is the breadwinner and the wife is the homemaker).


• The Family is Changing: This perspective focuses on the aspects of the family that were always around (ex. single parents, mother working in the labor force, etc) that have become more common. New things are not happening within the family; old things are just now becoming accepted.


• The Family is Stronger Than Ever: This perspective focuses on the bad aspects of the family from history, and explains how now things are better (ex. there were children who acted as servants, and now a child would rarely be treated as one).

What ever perspective you choose to argue, each admits the fact that families are not the same as they used to be. There are seven changes within the demographic of the family that Benokraitis points out:

1. There are birth declines. Couples are having less children and are having the closer together.


2. There are now "families" and "non-families" categories in the US Census. Families are two or more people living together that are bonded through marriage, birth, or adoption. Non-families are households that include people who live with people whom they are not related to, or they live alone.


3. It is not common (and acceptable) for a person to live alone and support themselves, as well as live with a partner before they are married.


4. People are practicing serial-monogamy, in which the marry, divorce, and then re-marry again. The process often happens numerous times.


5. One-parent families are more common,and accepted now.


6. Mothers are going out and working full time jobs. This leaves fathers to stay at home with the kids, or the kids to be put in daycare.


7. People are living longer, making them more likely to experience empty nest syndrome and the lose of a spouse. It then becomes the responsibility of their children to take care of them.

There are many reasons in which families are changing. There may be micro-level influences in which a couple makes a few wrong decision, falls ill, or any other personal complications. Then there are some macro-level influences that would cause the family to start to change.

• There could be economic forces, such as losing a job because of the recession.


• There could be technological forces, such as keep family close when spread out over the country through email/text messages/phone calls.


• There could be popular culture influences, such as displaying of different roles, values, and family life in magazines, movies, songs, and fashion.


• Social movements have change families, such as the Civil Rights, Gay Rights, Marriage, and Women's movements.


• Family policies are effecting families, because the government is taking steps to improve the well being of families.

New/Interesting Thing:

One thing I found interesting is that there are actually families in which a newly married couple would go and live with either the husband's or the wife's family. I just assumed that once a couple is married the would automatically want to be a neolocal family, live on their own, and start their own family.

One Question/Discussion Angle:

The question I have is, in matrilocal and partilocal families, if the mother and father in which these newly married couples are moving in with have numerous children then where would they all stay? And at what point would the children move out, if they do at all, or do they bring there own children into the same house once they start getting married too?