Chapter 15: Separation & Divorce

1. Summary:

            Chapter 15 examines separation, which often ends in divorce and the impact of divorce on both adults and children. As divorces are becoming increasingly acceptable, divorce rates are growing. The chapter first begins by discussing separation which involves the livings arrangements of a couple that often precedes a divorce. There are 4 stages of separation described: 1) Preseparation in which partners start to consider what it would be like to not be with their husband/wife and start a new life; this often results in emotional alienation which leads to divorce; 2) Early separation  where newly separated couples often feel unsure of their decision and begin to be plagued by many questions, and have to deal with financial issues; 3) Midseparation where the realities of  living separately set in creating stress, which in turn may cause partners to experience “pseudo-reconciliation” that often causes partners to reunite; however this second reunion is usually short-lived and ends up with the couples separating again; and 4) late separation where the partners begin to grow and learn how to survive as singles plus deal with the reactions of their children and mutual friends. Furthermore, there are many different outcomes that emanate from marital separation, which includes reconciliation, long-term separation without divorce, and divorce (the legal and formal dissolution of a marriage).

            With the presentation of divorce as a possible result of separation, the next two sections of the chapter explore trends in divorce as well as the process of divorce. While divorce rates increased following WWII because of war-related stress and couples realizing they had nothing in common they had nothing in common, these rates have decreased in recent years; perhaps because an increasing number of people remaining single longer or choose to just live with someone. Divorce is often a long process that involves the 6 stages identified in this chapter: 1) emotional divorce which takes place before any legal steps are taken and commonly consists of 3 phases—a BEGINNING PHASE  where spouses feel disappointment in each other but hope that the marriage will improve, a MIDDLE PHASE  where the feelings of hurt and anger increase and efforts to correct the situation are unsuccessful, and an END PHASE where one partner stops caring and becomes emotionally detached from the other; 2) legal divorce  which occurs when partners come to a consensus on various issues involving finances. This stage seldom occurs without conflict because decisions about child support and alimony are major issues in most divorces; 3) economic divorce where couples feud over financial issues like whose responsibility it is to pay for specific things; 4) coparental divorce which involves agreements about legal responsibility for economic support and care of the children, as well as visitation rights; 5) community divorce where partners inform friends, family, teachers, and others that they are no longer married; and 6) psychic divorce which happens when many couples emotionally separate from and establish separate lives; however, some have a hard time letting go of their emotions towards their ex-spouse and as a result never fulfill this stage.

            The next section explains why people divorce. It discusses 3 interrelated reasons that include: 1) macro-level factors such as changing divorce laws, religious institutions unintentionally supporting divorce, poor economic conditions, benefits as well as the demanding job requirements of military service, changing cultural values (rising individualism and acceptance of divorce), decreasing social integration, and technological advances; 2) demographic variables such as parental divorce, marriage at a young age, premarital pregnancy & childbearing, premarital cohabitation, presence of childbirth, gender (women are more likely to file for a divorce than men), race & ethnicity (among all racial-ethnic groups, blacks tend to have the highest divorce rate), social class (those of low socioeconomic class have a high chance of divorcing), strong religious beliefs, and similarity between spouses; and 3) micro/interpersonal factors such as unrealistic expectations, conflict & abuse, infidelity, communication problems, and financial problems. In addition, same-sex divorce is briefly touched on in this section; while lesbian and gay couples struggle getting married, they also struggle getting divorced too. Nonetheless, they often have higher divorce rates than heterosexual couples perhaps because of the lack of support and encouragement that they tend to receive from family and friends.

            After pointing out possible reasons people consider divorce, the chapter analyzes 3 areas in which an ex-spouses’ life is effected: 1) physical, emotional, and psychological effects caused when the divorce has a negative effect on an one’s health and causes emotional upsets; it is unclear if divorce actually effects a person’s well-being or if preexisting problems contribute to the likelihood 2) economic and financial changes caused because divorce can depletes the wealth that is often built up in marriage; women tend to struggle more than men with their economic well-being declining after divorce, thus putting them more at risk of poverty); and 3) child custody & child support which involves custody, a court-mandated ruling which determines which parent will be primarily responsible for the welfare and upbringing of the children. Although most mothers continue to receive sole custody while the other parent has specific visitation rights; couples today increasingly engage in joint custody where the children divide their time between both parents. There are 2 different types—joint legal custody and joint physical custody and co-parenting where divorced parents are both involved in making decisions about the child. Two other types of custody are discussed in this section; split custody where the children are divided between the parents either by sex or by choice and co-custody where parents equally share physical and legal custody of their children; there is much controversy over this concept since many fathers are pressing for it in order to relieve some of the financial burden caused by court-ordered child support payments. Some noncustodial parents avoid paying child-support and are often referred to as “Deadbeat dads/parents.” However, in cases where noncustodial fathers/parents do make payments conflicts between the parents are fewer and they usually develop closer relationships with their children. Many laws have been passed to enforce parents to pay court-ordered child-support, but there are various problems with court-ordered child support that make it difficult to collect child support.

            Following the effect of divorce on the ex-spouses’ lives, the chapter considers how divorce affects children. While some children have an easier time adjusting to the new family structure, others sometimes struggle with feelings of anger, sadness, or guilt. Sometimes divorced parents begin treating their children like their peers or unintentionally “parentify” them, which can negatively impact children, perhaps even hindering their individual growth. Children from divorced families often develop behavioral and emotional problems as well as long-term health problems. Many factors determine how a child is likely to adjust to their parents’ divorce: if there are parental problems before a divorce children’s’ behavior and academic performance are often negatively affected; the timing of the divorce also effects the stability of the children as divorces that occur in early childhood create early instability; ongoing parental conflict and hostility before and after the divorce negatively impacts a child’s behavior and their perception of family life; quality of parenting; and the degree of economic hardship they face after divorce. A divorce has been known to have negative consequences for subsequent generations through intergenerational transmission of divorce. But parents can take measures to prevent children from being negatively affected by a divorce by providing encouragement that everything will be okay and reassurance that communication and love/affection with from both parents will continue. Additionally, children’s well-being tends to improve when ex-spouses work together through co-parenting. The chapter focusing a lot on the negative consequences of separation and divorce but also discussing benefits of separation and divorce that exist for children as well as adults; separation provides options for people who are miserable in a marriage, more opportunities for growth, as well as decreasing the stress both children and adults feel in homes where there are continuous conflicts and quarrels.

            The chapter ends with a discussion on methods and resources that are often used to help families avoid or survive divorce. The methods and resources mentioned in this section include: 1) counseling and marital therapy which many partners are forced to attend professional counseling seminars before going to court; 2) divorce mediation where a trained arbitrator helps the couple come to an agreement; and 3) collaborative divorce where methods are use to try and resolve disputes before finalizing a divorce court. Each of these methods and resources discussed have both advantages and disadvantages and one may work better for some people than others. Finally, chapter 15 concludes by stating that with the increase of acceptance of divorce family structures have changed significantly with more choices for leaving miserable marriages; however, there are also various constraints that go along with those choices; nonetheless, parents can lessen these constraints by handling divorce in a way the will present more benefits than conflict for both themselves and their children.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

            I thought the box on page 429 titled “Do You Know Someone with Divorce Hangover?” was very interesting. I never really thought about how people might struggle with letting go or having to develop new social ties and redefine parental roles after a divorce. But after reading common symptoms of a divorce hangover (sarcasm, using the children, lashing out, paralysis, holding on, throwing out everything that are reminders of the ex-spouse, blaming and finding fault with others, excessive guilt, and dependency on others) this concept makes complete sense. As people divorce, their emotions may not allow them to get over it and move on with life; therefore, they are stuck in this emotional state or divorce hangover. A divorce hangover can greatly affect a person’s emotional, physical, and mental state. Fortunately there are many books and resources on the web to help people “cure” their divorce hangover. Before reading this chapter, I never knew such a concept existed, but after searching the web for more information, I noticed that there is more information on it than I would have ever thought! Who would have known there was a term to characterize many divorced people’s struggle after the formal dissolution of marriages? I found the following websites very insightful with ways to avoid and cure a divorce hangover:

http://www.divorcewizards.com/Top-Ten-ways-to-avoid-a-divorce-hangover.html

http://www.divorcemag.com/articles/Children_and_Divorce/curing_divorce_hangover.html

3. Discussion Point:

            As I came to the end of the section about child custody I noticed the chapter raised a question I thought was worth discussing. It asks if readers agree with the proposal by the American Law Institute “that a court should grant child custody to parents in proportion to the amount of time they spent caring for a child before the divorce.” I personally think this is a very good proposal; even though I don’t have divorced parents, many of my friends’ parents are divorced and I have gained a great amount of knowledge from them about how their lives where greatly impacted by their parents’ divorces. For example, one of my friends lived with her mom and had no contact with her father. Her parents had divorced when she was very young and her mother was granted sole custody of her and her sister. As far as I know their father was out of the picture all of their lives and had no contact with them even after my friend’s death. He wasn’t even part of her funeral; in fact, I don’t even know if he knows his daughter died. My friend would tell me how she remembered when her parents were together that her dad was never around; when he wasn’t working he was always at the bar and then come home and go right to bed. He provided no love or affection. Considering my friends story, I would definitely agree with The American Law Institute’s proposal because if parents like my friend’s father who demonstrated no desire to care for children are granted custody those children may suffer greater negative effects than they would if they were with the parent who loved and supported them from the time they are born up until the day their custody case is brought to court. Forcing children to live with parents who show little care may hinder their growth and development and cause them to develop behavioral and emotional problems  and could possibly put them in a dangerous situation where they receive little or no parental supervision at young ages. What do you think about this proposal? Do you think it is a good idea? Or do you think other factors are more important in determining who should be granted child custody than the time each parent spends caring for a child before a divorce? I have listed some consequences that I believe might result from having a parent granted custody of child who spent little time caring for their child before the divorce; can you think of any other(positive or negative) effects children may have to face when forced to live with a parent who was not in the picture before the divorce based on whether you think this proposal is right or not?

Chapter 14: Family Abuse, Violence, & Other Health Issues

1. Summary:

            Chapter 14 covers the various problems that many U.S. families encounter today; like domestic violence, child maltreatment, sibling and elder abuse, as well as health issues that often lead to a crisis situation. It begins by discussing intimate partner violence (IPV), which occurs between two people in close relationship and states that more abuse comes from a family member than by strangers and may result in death. There are 3 types of behaviors that IPV consists of: 1) physical abuse which occurs when a person hurts or tries to hurt a partner using physical force; 2) sexual abuse which occurs when a person forces a partner to engage in nonconsensual sexual behavior; and 3) emotional abuse which occurs when a person abuses a partner or his/her loved one by threatening to harm them or their possessions or by attempting to destroy a partner’s sense of self-worth. Both male and female abusers tend to be young, poor, unemployed, cohabiting or separated.  They also often abuse alcohol or drugs, and may have seen a parent use violence to resolve conflict. While men are more likely to commit familycide which is the killing of one’s spouse, ex-spouse, children, or other relatives; women have the highest victimization rates across all racial and ethnic groups and are more likely to experience serious emotional and physical injuries than men, possibly resulting in suicidal attempts. Many women refrain from reporting such violence out of shame, fear of revenge, or the belief that no one can help. Men often engage in emotional or physical abuse when they feel as if they need to gain power over their partner because they adhere to the traditional gender role views in which men are the breadwinners and women are homemakers. IPV isn’t limited to just the poor as abuse is also present in high socioeconomic families. While marital homicides have decreased in recent years, marital rape where one partner forces the other to have unwanted sexual intercourse is the most widespread form of sexual abuse in the U.S. This type of abuse is often underreported because of the difficulty many face trying to prove the act actually took place. Many women develop battered-woman syndrome which a psychological condition characterized by women feeling powerless and unable of leaving their partners after years of abuse.  This condition has been used successfully as a defense for women who have killed their husbands after being abused. The cycle theory of battering incidents holds that a tension-building phase leads to an acute battering incident, followed by a period of calm until the cycle starts again; this theory considers a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality where Mr. Hyde is seen in phase 2 with abusive behavior, but becomes Dr. Jekyll in phase 3 as he persuades his partner that he is really going to change; but unfortunately the cycle starts all over again when the calm behavior fades and the abuse starts up again. While some women have the ability to leave abusive relationships, some women remain in them for several reasons such as negative self-concept and low self esteem, belief that the abuser will change, economic hardship and homelessness, need for child support, shame or guilt, blaming themselves, fear, or the fact that the home becomes a prison that they can’t escape. As much emphasis is on women being the primary victims and men being the perpetrators, men are also victims but fail to report the abuse because they may be embarrassed or for other reasons. There are 2 types of IPV identified in this chapter: 1) intimate terrorism where the primary perpetrator is the male who uses various methods of control which keep escalating in an attempt to dominate his partner and 2) situational couple violence in which both partners are perpetrators.

            The next section examines child maltreatment, which unhealthy behaviors that either results in a child being seriously harmed or placed at serious risk; 4 categories of child maltreatment are discussed: 1) physical abuse which causes bodily injury to a child, 2) sexual abuse which involves engaging a child in inappropriate sexual activity, 3) neglect when a caregiver fails to provide a child with life’s basic necessities, and 4) emotional abuse which may include rejecting, terrorizing, isolating, or exploiting and corrupting the child. Although child abuse rates have decreased, many children still experience abuse and neglect every day. Parents, relatives, or parents’ intimate partners are commonly the people who abuse children. Incest is often very difficult to prove, but occurs more often than people imagine and is normally committed by men for emotional satisfaction; in addition, children may feel frightened or responsible for the abuse, leading them to opt to not tell anyone about it. Various reasons are presented as to why adults abuse children such as substance abuse, stress, poverty, partner abuse, divorce, or a combination of factors. The lives of children who are abused are negatively impacted, tormented with physical, social, emotional, and mental problems/disorders.

            Sibling violence is also very common, but often goes unnoticed or is regarded as normal interaction/behavior between siblings. But, in reality, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse among siblings can leave lasting emotional scars and may result in many problems later in life (such as substance abuse or participation in criminal/violent acts). Sometimes violence between siblings might get so severe it results in the murder of a brother or sister, which is often triggered by an argument or disagreement between siblings. Moreover, like child abuse, children tend to keep the sexual abuse a secret from their parents because they either fear retaliation or they think no one will believe them.

            Next, the chapter explores elder abuse, which is often committed by baby boomers now in their late 40s to early 60s know as the  sandwich generation who have the added responsibility of caring for both their own children and their aging parents. Elder abuse involves physical abuse; deprivation of basic necessities; isolation from friends and family; as well as not administering needed medications. The victims of elder abuse tend to be white women; because women are now living longer than men, rates of abuse may be higher for them than men. Furthermore, family members, especially adult children or the victim’s spouse, are often the abusers of these elderly people. There are various motives for family members mistreating the elderly, which include risk factors such as shared living arrangements, social isolation, alcohol abuse, impairment of the caregiver or the care recipient, dependency of the older person on caregiver, medical costs & financial stress, or personality characteristics of older people.

            The last two sections on violence/abuse discuss its prevalence among same-sex couples and racial-ethnic groups as well theories that explain family abuse and violence. While the battering in same-sex couples hasn’t undergone as much research as heterosexual couples, the prevalence of abuse is about the same for both. There are 2 stressors for lesbian couples that often trigger IPV: 1) internalized homophobia or the negative feeling some may have about being lesbian or gay because of the negative feedback society often gives toward homosexuality and 2) heterosexist discrimination which is the unfair treatment received because of one’s homosexual orientation, which may result in internalized homophobia; homosexuals tend to believe they deserve the abuse and so they stay in abusive relationships. They also often refrain from reporting the violence because they believe they won’t be taken seriously and possibly end up be arrested themselves because no one will take the time to distinguish the victim from the abuser. Research shows that IPV and domestic violence abuse among racial-ethnic groups may be experienced differently because of variations in socioeconomic status, culture, national origin, external stressors, and other factors. Five viewpoints for why families are abusive are introduced in this chapter: 1) the patriarchy/male dominance theory which implies that a man’s dominant nature justifies his involvement in domestic violence); 2) social learning theory which suggests we learn by observing the (abusive) behavior of others; 3) resource theory  suggesting the stress that often stems from a decrease of resources, may induce violence; 4) exchange theory in which both abusers and victims tolerate or engage in violent behavior because they believe that the benefit outweigh the costs; and 5) ecological systems theory that holds cultural values that demean, debase, and devalue women and children promote and reinforce abusive behavior. Researchers often consider more than one of these theories to examine family abuse because of the complexity of human behavior.

            Chapter 14 ends with an analysis of other health-related problems families often face. Substance abuse is the first issue mentioned; illicit drug use has become increasingly popular among baby boomers, but has decreased among the youth; both binge and heavy drinking are problematic drinking behaviors that may result in dangerous health problems similar to those of drug abusers. Depression is often experienced by more women than men and may lead to suicide. Additionally, some families may have to cope with eating disorders that, if not taken care of, can result in death; the increase rates of obesity in Americans may be the product of binge eating; however, there are others who experience eating disorders that result in a drastic amount of weight loss rather than obesity, which includes both anorexia nervosa and bulimia; these eating disorders are caused by cultural, psychological, and biological factors. The chapter concludes by stating that families today are subject to a number of negative issues and because they may have more choice than they did in the past, these choices sometimes go unnoticed because of a number of constraints; furthermore, family troubles may decrease if people are more informed about the problems, successful prevention programs are provided, and better intervention strategies are implemented.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

            I thought the section on sibling abuse was very interesting. I was surprised to read that siblings are often “hidden victims” of abuse because many parents dismiss it as normal interaction among family members, and the high prevalence of siblicides, 10% of all murders in families, really shocked me. Furthermore, as I was reading the list of common forms of sibling abuse, “name calling and ridicule” instantly caught my attention. I never considered this abuse before I read this chapter; throughout my life my sisters have always called me names to try to get the best of me and some of them have actually stuck with me even after many years; when thinking back at my experiences, I now realize that this mockery /name calling, in fact, is a form of emotional abuse that is present in many sibling relationships because, like my parents often did, parents don’t exert much effort on putting an end to name calling, especially if it may seem to be all fun and games, but in reality it can actually harm a person mentally.

            I found the little exert about Connie Culp on page 388 very fascinating, yet disturbing. I hate to imagine that someone who you feel you love and trust so much that you decide to marry could someday turn on you and shoot you, leading to either your death or significant physical and emotional damage like Connie experienced when her husband shot her in the face. However, the progress she has made with her surgeries/transplants is remarkable; I found a website that describes her process/experience in more detail: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10298/1097845-114.stm

I was very disturbed to hear that her husband was released from jail this year; I don’t see why this man should be given another chance to live, considering all the damage Connie has to deal with for the rest of her life because of him.

3. Discussion Point:

            After reading the section on the batter-woman syndrome defense, I thought it was worthwhile discussing. There is much controversy over this defense, but in my opinion, I don’t think anyone should be dismissed from murder charges even if they feel it is the only way out of an abusive relationship. I feel that because there are so many options out there available to protect people from abusers today; if they truly wanted help they should have taken another avenue and not resorted to murder. No one should be allowed to kill anyone including those who abuse them. In addition, the characteristics of battered women’s syndrome are common among many people; a lot of people feel depressed, like they are going nowhere and have uncertainties. Doesn’t dismissing those who kill their abusers from murder based on the batter-woman syndrome defense send the message that it is acceptable to kill if you feel trapped in a situation? Do you think this defense is reasonable? Or do you think it could trigger outrageous murders and increase the homicide rate?  

Chapter 17: Families in Later Life

1. Summary:

            Chapter 17 examines the effects of an aging population as life expectancy increases. It begins by discussing America’s aging society. Despite the fact that more people are reaching age 65 than ever before, life expectancy in the U.S. still stands behind other countries. It goes on to explain that the elderly are characterized into three groups: young-old (65-74), old-old (75-84) and oldest-old (85 and older). Furthermore, the old-age dependency ratio (the number of people age 65 and older who are not in the labor force per 100 people ages 20 to 64 who are employed) continues to grow as the older population grows and the younger population shrinks; as a result older people are more likely to depend on others for financial, physical, and emotional support. There appears to be a gender gap as women are more likely to live longer than men; this gap could possibly be due to that fact that men engage in more risky unhealthy behaviors while women are more likely to seek medical attention. As the older people are living longer and becoming increasingly racially and ethnically diverse in the U.S., a great number of families that are beginning to plan for retirement or later-life families are created.

            The next section explores peoples’ perception and definition of old as well as changes in physical and mental health as people age. The definition of old and young age is often determined by aspects of a society; in addition, one’s age often influences one’s definition of old; as one’s age increases, one defines old at a later age. While physical mobility tends to decline with age, happiness and mental health sometimes increases with age. But baby boomers are often seen as unhappier than other generations because of their high expectations. Depression and dementia (especially in the form of Alzheimer’s disease) are 2 mental health problems common among older people; nonetheless, one may be able to delay or prevent the onset of such mental disorders by engaging in healthy behavior, such as exercising. In addition to the changes in health that many experience as the population ages, many people are more likely to face ageism and stereotypes; many people fear aging because our society is increasingly more youth-oriented, which consequently often promotes ageism or discrimination against people on the basis of age. Older people often feel devalued and demeaned because they are frequently stereotyped by ageist language. While some think older people are outdated and become rude as the age the truth is most people focus on the positives in life as they age and aren’t up to date on technology because of its expense, not because of disinterest.

            Next, the chapter examines work and retirement. More and more people have to work up to their death because they cannot survive on just their social security and Medicare benefits. But many choose to work when they are old because they want to for psychological and social reasons. A number of older Americans are unemployed because they cannot find work because they are considered more expensive than younger workers. Because women have longer life expectancies than men, they have a greater chance of living longer than their financial resources last and they often have a lower median income than men. Likewise, married couples have higher median incomes than single men/women. Additionally, social class has an impact on peoples’ physical and emotional well-being as members of higher social classes have more income during retirement and often live longer and happier lives than those from lower social classes. Taking these variations into consideration, the chapter points out that retirement can affect marital happiness, with happier relationships stemming from those with shared decisions about when it is right to retire.

            Grandparents and their different styles are analyzed in the next section. As grandparents live longer and healthier lives they tend to engage more in their grandchildren’s lives than grandparents in the past. There are 5 grandparenting styles mentioned in this chapter: 1) remote or detached grandparents live far from their grandchildren and see them infrequently, maintaining a largely ritualistic, symbolic relationship; 2) companionate and supportive grandparents see their grandchildren often. They demonstrate their love and frequently do fun things with them, and offer them emotional and instrumental support; 3) involved and influential grandparents play an active role in their grandchildren’s lives; they exercise substantial authority over their grandchildren by imposing definite rules; 4) advisory and authoritative grandparents serve as advisors and authoritarians; and 5) cultural transmitting grandparents pass on their values and traditions. Grandparents may also play the role of surrogate parents; there are 3 groups of surrogate grandparents mentioned: 1) custodial grandparents have a legal relationship with their grandchildren through adoption, guardianship, or custody; 2) living with grandparents typically have the grandchild in their own home or, less commonly, live in the home of a grandchild’s parents, and may be responsible for the increase in the number of multigenerational households: homes in which three or more generations live together; and 3) day-care grandparents assume responsibility for the physical care of their grandchildren, usually a daughter’s until the parents come home from work. As more grandparents themselves are getting divorced, grandchildren are greatly affected; grandparents who are divorced are often less affectionate or close with their grandchildren. Furthermore, divorce can create opportunity as well as conflict, which lead to the discussion of grandparents’ visitation rights; there is much debate over whether or not grandparents have the right to visit a grandchild if the child’s parents object; sometimes grandparents are forbidden to see their grandchildren after a divorce because of estrangement or a poor relationship with their child’s ex-spouse.

            Chapter 17 goes on to discuss relationships between aging parents, adult children, and siblings. Parent-child relations are usually complex and often involve intergenerational ambivalence, which are disagreements that arise both from structural kinship roles and from personal emotions. Moreover, sibling relationships are very important, providing necessary support and companionship; there are 5 groups that sibling relationships in later life may fall into: 1) intimate siblings; 2) congenial siblings; 3) loyal siblings; 4) apathetic siblings; and 5) hostile siblings. These sibling relationships are not static, as they may change overtime, becoming closer or more distant.

            Death affects people differently; as an increasing number of people die in institutional settings rather than home, various people experience the dying process. How people experience death depends on whether they are medical personnel treating the ill patient, relatives or friends of the patient, or the patient himself or herself. Health care professionals who are often worn out tend to respond to terminal ill patients more slowly; but family members tend to believe that they should be treated as thoroughly as any other patient. There is much debate over whether or not the 5 stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) proposed by Kübler-Ross are accurate; many often welcome death, rather than deny it. Furthermore, many families turn to hospice care (a place for care of terminally ill patients) when one’s death is near; however, because of cultural and language barriers, they are often unused. Older men’s suicide rates are among the highest in the nation; many hold that this rate would decrease if one were given the right to die with dignity on their own terms. This brings up the concept of physician-assisted suicide (PAS), which entails a significant amount of controversy over whether or not it is right. Bereavement, the process of recovery after the death of someone we felt close, is also mentioned in this section; 2 typical emotional reactions during bereavement include grief and mourning. There is believed to be 3 phases of grief: INITIALLY people are astonished and feel numb; at the INTERMEDIATE phase, people often idealize loved ones who had died and may even actively search for them; and at the FINAL phase, many may begin to adjust and recover, but this could take years. How long a person grieves and the severity of their grief is determined by a number of factors such as the relationship one had with the deceased, the deceased’s age, as well as how well the deceased was cared for before he/she died.

            Being widowed and single later in life is also brought up in this chapter. Men are less likely than women to be widowed; this gender difference could stem from the fact that women have longer life expectancies, wives tend to be younger than their husbands, and widowed men are more likely to remarry. When facing widowhood, some become depressed and struggle financially, while others begin new relationships by dating, cohabitating, or remarrying; however, new romantic relationships may create conflict when family members disapprove; but many feel the need to remarry for a sense of companionship.

            Caregiving is also very important to consider as the population is aging. The increasing number of older people is creating a sandwich generation composed of middle aged men and women who care for dependent children and their aging parents. Spouses and adult children tend to be more involved in caregiving than their parents were in the past. The RECIPIENTS of this care are those who are old, especially the frail elderly with physical or mental conditions which interfere with the activities of daily life (ADLs) or with instrumental activities of daily life (IADLs). The CAREGIVERS are often daughters/female adult children and daughters-in-law, or wives of the frail elderly because they often live longer than men; men are less likely to provide care than women, which creates a gender gap that reflects both cultural norms and structural factors in our society. There are 5 different caregiving styles: 1) routine caregivers incorporate regular assistance like doing a parent’s weekly shopping, laundry, or house cleaning into their daily activities; 2) backup caregivers are often siblings of a primary who are reliably available to provide assistance on request, but don’t voluntarily initiate involvement; 3) circumscribed caregivers are reliable to provide limited help like calling a parent regularly once a week, but are not available for other help; 4) sporadic caregivers provide assistance at their own convenience; and  5) disassociated caregivers who cannot be reliably counted on to provide assistance of any kind and may not even be involved in family discussions of the situation.

            The chapter ends by examining the competition for resources as society ages. While the population is becoming older, there are many expenses that continue to increase such as health care services (as more and more people utilize such services as they live longer). In addition, retirement income will be lower for younger generations because the future of social security and Medicare benefits remains unknown. There are no easy solutions to the rising cost of health care for older Americans, but many claim that Americans need to reconsider the retire age and work to an older age so older workers contribute more to social security and lessen the burden on the social security system. It is also thought that health care cost would decrease if new and less profitable firms were allowed to enter the market and make the health care industry more competitive. Lastly, if people were given incentives for healthier behaviors health care costs may decrease in the long run. Chapter 17 concludes by stating that as the population ages, people have more options as to how they wish to spend the rest of their life when they reach an old age; however, there are also many constraints as well as changes that many will face as people are living longer.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

              I thought the section on ageism and stereotypes of older people were very interesting. I never knew that it annoys older people when others call them “sweetie,” “dear” and “young lady.” I always thought this was just good manners to refer to older people in these ways. Throughout my work experience I would always hear my managers approach older customers with this ageist language. Who would have known that in reality they might be making them feel devalued? After reading this section, I definitely will think twice before referring to people in their midlife and later years because as the chapter points out words can define and shape attitudes in both positive and negative ways.

            The part about older people being stereotyped as living in the past and having outdated skills and ideas also caught my attention. I agree with the book that the reason most older people don’t go online isn’t because they have a fear of new technologies but because of the expense associated with computers and the Internet. As I was reading this, however, I immediately thought about the YouTube video that made national television in September:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E41KbxDe40s

This video shows that more and more elderly people are attempting to use today’s new technologies, but their technological skills may not be as good as some. Nevertheless, this has nothing to do with their disinterest in the new technology because, in actuality, an increasing number of them are becoming more interested and experimenting with technology.

3. Discussion Point:

            I found the topic about widowed older elderly people who choose to remarry worth discussing. First, I thought it was a little ironic that this was mentioned in our reading because I just had a discussion with my mom about whether or not we would get remarried later in life if our spouses died before us. I personally, think it is wrong; I think if you lived your whole life with a spouse who was the love of your life then why go searching for another one? I understand people may believe they need to marry in order to feel a sense of companionship, but can’t a person get this feeling just broadening their social network? The reason this topic really caught my attention is because two months after my dad’s mom passed away, my grandpa remarried. The women her married was considerably younger them him and she ended up spending all his money and perhaps even accelerated his death. On the other hand,  my mom’s parents remained together till death; after my grandma passed away, my granddad never even considered remarrying and just counted on his children and friends for support. When I was talking to my mom about how I thought it was wrong that my grandpa remarried so soon after my nana died and how I would want my life to end just like her parents; she brought up a good point saying perhaps some people remarry after a spouse dies because they believe their spouse was not the love of their life and someone else is but if your marriage was full of love for each other up till the end then there is no need to remarry. I just feel that if you get to build a life with someone you love and have a family why would you want to start a life with someone else? If you don’t feel your life was fulfilled during your first marriage, why wait for your spouse to die before you find real love? Do you think it is right for older widowed people to remarry?

Chapter 13: Balancing Work & Family Life

1. Summary:

            Chapter 13 examines the choices and constraints families have in the workplace and how economic changes impact many. It begins by explaining that family life is greatly affected by the economy and work situations. During economic downturns many families worry about how they will survive if their income drops. A significant number of Americans are experiencing a financial crisis caused by 3 macro-level variables: 1) Deindustrialization which results in a decrease in manufacturing jobs many companies rely more on technology than on human labor. 2) Globalization which increases deindustrialization due to the growth and spread of investment, trade, production, communication, and new technology around the world. 3) Off shoring or the relocation of jobs from one country to another to cut a company’s cost at home. Many hold arguments in favor of off shoring while others claim it causes nothing but problems.

            The chapter also discusses how social class plays a role in how families live. The working poor have little time for family life because they work a lot of hours which affects their lifestyle but their incomes remains below the official poverty level. Low-wage earners are faced with many work-related problems such as no health insurance and “wage theft” which puts a lot of stress on their family life. Families with members who work nonstandard work hours, which include evenings, nights, or weekends and are commonly among those who are lowly educated, people in service occupations, and those who work in hospitality industries. Families may face negative consequences if one has to work non-standards hours; the amount of interaction with their children may decrease, thus there is less parental supervision and less involvement/help with school-related work or activities, which, in turn, can negatively affect children’s attitudes and behavior. However, the rate of unemployment continues to be on the rise in the U.S.; in fact, mass layoffs are being conducted because of the severity of job losses. The highest unemployment rates are seen with African Americans. Unemployment entails many negative effects: it is very overwhelming and can trigger a vicious “chain of adversity;” many experience extreme lifestyle changes; marriage rates decrease, as many men believe they can’t support a wife and family; and among the worst outcome of unemployment is poverty. Likewise, as unemployment rates have increased in the U.S., the number of Americans living in poverty has increased. Poverty can be defined in 2 ways; absolute poverty is when a family does not have enough money to afford the most basic necessities of life and relative poverty is when there is not enough money to maintain an average standard of living. Poverty line defines when a person is officially poor and is eligible for government assistance; it is the minimum level of income that the government considers necessary for basic subsistence. Children, women, and racial-ethnic minorities are disproportionately poor; children, female-headed households, as well as blacks and Latino’s are more likely to be poor than their counterparts. There are 2 possible explanations for why people are poor: 1) the poor have themselves to blame for being poor (the poor are different from other members of society and this difference is the cause of their poverty); 2) societal factors where a society creates and sustains poverty. Many claim that poverty persists in the U.S. because many people benefit from it consequences. In general, most people are poor because economic conditions, job loss, physical or mental disabilities, or an inability to afford health insurance which, in turn, can result in acute health problems that interfere with employment. Poverty often results in homelessness; African Americans, the mentally ill and single men make up a large part of the homeless population. Homelessness can result from increase unemployment rates and lack of affordable housing. The chapter distinguishes the difference between chronic homeless (the long time street residents who suffer from addiction or psychiatric problems) and economic homeless (the working and middle-class people who recently have lost jobs and homes because of the economic recession and have nowhere else to go).  

            An increasing number of women are participating in the labor force today. Many women work during a pregnancy and make quicker returns to work after the pregnancy, thus the number of employed mothers is on the rise. Men’s participation in the labor force may be decreasing due to social factors like a lack of college degrees and economic factors such as deindustrialization and off shoring. As more and more women become college educated they become a big part of the workforce. This chapter provides 2 possible reasons women work outside the home; 1) for personal satisfaction and 2) to support themselves and their dependents. There has however been a decrease in women’s participation in the workface; while many have chosen to go back to traditional gender roles as the primary homemakers the decrease could possibly be due to job losses resulting from the economic downturn or because unfriendly family policies have pushed them out.

Although traditional gender roles still exist today, attitudes toward appropriate work and family roles are changing significantly, thus there are 2 variations on the traditional division of labor within marriage introduced in this chapter: 2-person single career (1 spouse is expected to participate in the performance of the partner’s career, although their participation is neither directly recognized nor rewarded with pay) and stay-at-home dads (men who are the main caregivers and homemaker for the family while their wives are the main breadwinners). Men may be stay-at-home dads because they were laid off; have a health problem or disability that prevents them from working; their wives have higher incomes than them; or they are retired. The benefits of men being stay-at-home dads include their ability to be involved with their children’s life and no need to worry about the quality of day care or after-school programs; however, unemployment may cause many men to feel stigmatized and emasculated because much of their identity comes from being a good provider.

While the number of 2-income families is on a rise, they are becoming increasingly diverse; there are dual-earner couples in which both partners work in order to meet the financial needs of the family and dual-career couples where both partners work in professional or managerial positions that require extensive training, a long-term commitment, and ongoing professional growth. There are many benefits as well as costs for 2-income families; BENEFITS include: families standard of living increases, relieves men from the pressure they may face with low-incomes or lay offs, and children might become more independent and have a greater respect for financial issues; COSTS include: role overload, which, in turn, can lead to many negative consequences such as productivity reduction and increased health risks. A trailing spouse is a partner who gives up his/her work and searches for another position in the location where the spouse has taken a job; this allows the main provider to increase their income and job opportunities but it can also lead to the trailing spouse becoming the full-time partners care taker. Commuter marriage includes partners who are married, but live and work in different geographic areas and get together at various intervals. Partners may opt into such arrangements because one partner may decide not to move if their chance of employment may be negatively effected by relocation; both partners might have well-established careers in different cities and aren’t willing to sacrifice their jobs after marriage; and because it may ensure financial security. Although commuter marriages may allow couples to focus on their work more and appreciate the times they spend together, they can come with added time and extra costs (such as the expense and time for visits) as well as an increase risk of extramarital relationships or divorce perhaps as a result of feelings of isolation from community and social relationships. The last 2-income families discussed are those in which wives earn more than their husbands; women with higher earnings are often short term while their husbands are temporarily out of work; furthermore, high-earning wives are often still left with the homemaker and caregiver responsibilities, sometimes referred to as “second shift.” Therefore, major gender inequality exists both in the home and in the workplace.

The chapter discusses the gender pay gap in which the average women must work more each year to make the same wages as a man. This earning disparity limits the quality of life and purchasing power of women. There are 3 main reasons for this gender pay gap: 1) women choose fields with lower earnings, whereas men tend to dominate the higher-paying fields; 2) women don’t take promotions that require great job responsibility, possibly due to glass ceiling effects; 3) many mothers earnings are affected by a gender pay gap attributed to being a mother referred to as a “motherhood penalty;” mothers experience reduced wages and salaries as they are more likely than fathers to work part time, take leaves, or take a break from the workforce to raise children. Furthermore, mothers are considered by many employers to be less committed, less reliable, and less competent than non-mothers in the workplace. Employed mothers are often penalized and discriminated against for being parents. Some women have tried to resolve the gender gap by filing class action suits and using a comparable worth policy, which states that men and women should receive equal pay for doing work that involves similar skills, effort, responsibility, and work conditions.  This gives women more purchasing power while cutting the poverty rate of women in half and strengthens the economy. As families suffer from employment inequalities, many must deal with sexual harassment which is common in male-dominated occupations where females are viewed as being undesirable. Many cases are often committed to show one’s power in the workplace, which often can lead many to refrain from reporting such abuse because of the superiority one has over the victim. Sexual harassment can result in job lose or leave and forfeit of potential raises and promotions; examples of wage discrimination.

The chapter ends with a discussion about family and work policies. To accommodate many parents’ needs, 3 changes have been introduced in the workplace allowing parents to combine work and child rearing: 1) companies allow parents to bring their babies to work because they don’t want to pay for maternity leave or day care and because they want valued workers to stay. This can however become very distracting and impede productivity; 2) companies are offering flextime which allows workers to change their daily arrival and departure times; which, in effect, decreases tardiness; and 3) more companies are introducing telecommuting, which allows employees to work from home through electronic linkups to the central office. This can bring the family closer together, boost productivity, and create more flexible schedules that reduce child care costs; however, it can also reduce the quality of family time, decrease productivity, and create tension at home. Despite laws against pregnancy discrimination, the rate has increased in recent years with women being fired, downgraded, or have responsibilities taken away from them when their employers learned that they were pregnant. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) allows eligible employees to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid annual leave, with continuation of health benefits, after the birth or adoption of child, to care for a seriously sick family member, or to recover from their own illnesses. This act prevents the loss of jobs and guarantees the same or a similar job when they return; but, it does not cover smaller companies. Many large companies often violate the law by providing shorter unpaid leave, it only involves unpaid leave so parents may accumulate more problems with income, and it may cause disagreement between employees and employers over the jobs and responsibilities that they return to. The United States does not guarantee paid leave and has no national child care program so many parents are struggling to find quality day care services for their children and many low-wage workers struggle to afford the costs of day care centers. In general, many parents struggle to combine employment and family life. The chapter concludes by stating that families face many constraints and their choices are limited in the workplace, as more and more families struggle financially due to economic changes.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

              I found the section on commuter marriages very interesting. Before reading this, I never really thought about married couples actually living apart from each other in different geographic areas  other than if they were separated and on the verge of getting a divorce. However, after reading this, I became aware that there are partners who live apart because of their careers; one might choose not to relocate with their partner because they might have a great chance of employment where they are located, thus moving would hamper that opportunity; or both may have already well-established careers in different cities and neither are willing to sacrifice those jobs after marriage. (The last reasoning doesn’t seem like the marriage would work out if they weren’t willing to make adjustments from the start of their marriage.)

            The section on sexual harassment in the workplace brought up a variety of real-life examples from popular companies. The one that caught my attention was the charges against American Apparel Inc.’s CEO for holding meetings in his underwear and regularly referring to women in derogatory terms. American Apparel is one of my favorite places to shop at; in fact, half my wardrobe consists of clothing from there. However, after hearing about this ill treatment, I really don’t wish to spend my money on clothes that is associated with a sexual abuser. I have recently noticed many American Apparel locations shutting down; wonder if these charges have anything to do with that.

Just Google “American Apparel CEO” and thousands of new articles and complaints against him will pop up; here’s one of them: http://jezebel.com/5012440/american-apparel-ceo-orders-subordinate-to-pleasure-herself-she-services-him-with-lawsuit

3. Discussion Point:

As I was reading the section about an increasing number of companies allowing parents to bring their babies to work I was amazed, especially when I saw the picture on page 376 of a mother with her child in a crib in her cubicle at work. I have never heard of any company that goes so far to allow parents to actually care for children in the workplace setting; I have just heard of companies providing their own daycares for parents in the building, but the children are monitored by others and are not right beside their desk/in their cubicle. I personally think it’s a horrible idea to allow babies in the workplace setting; this takes away from not just the parent’s work productivity, but also every other employee in that office. We all know babies cry a significant amount and it takes awhile to get them to calm down; well imagine that in a work setting; would you be able to concentrate? I don’t think I could. So while I support companies who provide daycares within their buildings for employees to bring their children as they work, I oppose the idea of allowing parents to bring babies into the workplace setting. If they feel the need to be with their children during work, then they should consider companies that offer telecommuting. No one should be given the opportunity to distract others from their work.

Do you think it is appropriate to allow parents to bring their babies to work? Or do you think this practice could be a potential risk to companies?