Chapter 17: Families in Later Life

1. Summary:

            Chapter 17 examines the effects of an aging population as life expectancy increases. It begins by discussing America’s aging society. Despite the fact that more people are reaching age 65 than ever before, life expectancy in the U.S. still stands behind other countries. It goes on to explain that the elderly are characterized into three groups: young-old (65-74), old-old (75-84) and oldest-old (85 and older). Furthermore, the old-age dependency ratio (the number of people age 65 and older who are not in the labor force per 100 people ages 20 to 64 who are employed) continues to grow as the older population grows and the younger population shrinks; as a result older people are more likely to depend on others for financial, physical, and emotional support. There appears to be a gender gap as women are more likely to live longer than men; this gap could possibly be due to that fact that men engage in more risky unhealthy behaviors while women are more likely to seek medical attention. As the older people are living longer and becoming increasingly racially and ethnically diverse in the U.S., a great number of families that are beginning to plan for retirement or later-life families are created.

            The next section explores peoples’ perception and definition of old as well as changes in physical and mental health as people age. The definition of old and young age is often determined by aspects of a society; in addition, one’s age often influences one’s definition of old; as one’s age increases, one defines old at a later age. While physical mobility tends to decline with age, happiness and mental health sometimes increases with age. But baby boomers are often seen as unhappier than other generations because of their high expectations. Depression and dementia (especially in the form of Alzheimer’s disease) are 2 mental health problems common among older people; nonetheless, one may be able to delay or prevent the onset of such mental disorders by engaging in healthy behavior, such as exercising. In addition to the changes in health that many experience as the population ages, many people are more likely to face ageism and stereotypes; many people fear aging because our society is increasingly more youth-oriented, which consequently often promotes ageism or discrimination against people on the basis of age. Older people often feel devalued and demeaned because they are frequently stereotyped by ageist language. While some think older people are outdated and become rude as the age the truth is most people focus on the positives in life as they age and aren’t up to date on technology because of its expense, not because of disinterest.

            Next, the chapter examines work and retirement. More and more people have to work up to their death because they cannot survive on just their social security and Medicare benefits. But many choose to work when they are old because they want to for psychological and social reasons. A number of older Americans are unemployed because they cannot find work because they are considered more expensive than younger workers. Because women have longer life expectancies than men, they have a greater chance of living longer than their financial resources last and they often have a lower median income than men. Likewise, married couples have higher median incomes than single men/women. Additionally, social class has an impact on peoples’ physical and emotional well-being as members of higher social classes have more income during retirement and often live longer and happier lives than those from lower social classes. Taking these variations into consideration, the chapter points out that retirement can affect marital happiness, with happier relationships stemming from those with shared decisions about when it is right to retire.

            Grandparents and their different styles are analyzed in the next section. As grandparents live longer and healthier lives they tend to engage more in their grandchildren’s lives than grandparents in the past. There are 5 grandparenting styles mentioned in this chapter: 1) remote or detached grandparents live far from their grandchildren and see them infrequently, maintaining a largely ritualistic, symbolic relationship; 2) companionate and supportive grandparents see their grandchildren often. They demonstrate their love and frequently do fun things with them, and offer them emotional and instrumental support; 3) involved and influential grandparents play an active role in their grandchildren’s lives; they exercise substantial authority over their grandchildren by imposing definite rules; 4) advisory and authoritative grandparents serve as advisors and authoritarians; and 5) cultural transmitting grandparents pass on their values and traditions. Grandparents may also play the role of surrogate parents; there are 3 groups of surrogate grandparents mentioned: 1) custodial grandparents have a legal relationship with their grandchildren through adoption, guardianship, or custody; 2) living with grandparents typically have the grandchild in their own home or, less commonly, live in the home of a grandchild’s parents, and may be responsible for the increase in the number of multigenerational households: homes in which three or more generations live together; and 3) day-care grandparents assume responsibility for the physical care of their grandchildren, usually a daughter’s until the parents come home from work. As more grandparents themselves are getting divorced, grandchildren are greatly affected; grandparents who are divorced are often less affectionate or close with their grandchildren. Furthermore, divorce can create opportunity as well as conflict, which lead to the discussion of grandparents’ visitation rights; there is much debate over whether or not grandparents have the right to visit a grandchild if the child’s parents object; sometimes grandparents are forbidden to see their grandchildren after a divorce because of estrangement or a poor relationship with their child’s ex-spouse.

            Chapter 17 goes on to discuss relationships between aging parents, adult children, and siblings. Parent-child relations are usually complex and often involve intergenerational ambivalence, which are disagreements that arise both from structural kinship roles and from personal emotions. Moreover, sibling relationships are very important, providing necessary support and companionship; there are 5 groups that sibling relationships in later life may fall into: 1) intimate siblings; 2) congenial siblings; 3) loyal siblings; 4) apathetic siblings; and 5) hostile siblings. These sibling relationships are not static, as they may change overtime, becoming closer or more distant.

            Death affects people differently; as an increasing number of people die in institutional settings rather than home, various people experience the dying process. How people experience death depends on whether they are medical personnel treating the ill patient, relatives or friends of the patient, or the patient himself or herself. Health care professionals who are often worn out tend to respond to terminal ill patients more slowly; but family members tend to believe that they should be treated as thoroughly as any other patient. There is much debate over whether or not the 5 stages of dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) proposed by Kübler-Ross are accurate; many often welcome death, rather than deny it. Furthermore, many families turn to hospice care (a place for care of terminally ill patients) when one’s death is near; however, because of cultural and language barriers, they are often unused. Older men’s suicide rates are among the highest in the nation; many hold that this rate would decrease if one were given the right to die with dignity on their own terms. This brings up the concept of physician-assisted suicide (PAS), which entails a significant amount of controversy over whether or not it is right. Bereavement, the process of recovery after the death of someone we felt close, is also mentioned in this section; 2 typical emotional reactions during bereavement include grief and mourning. There is believed to be 3 phases of grief: INITIALLY people are astonished and feel numb; at the INTERMEDIATE phase, people often idealize loved ones who had died and may even actively search for them; and at the FINAL phase, many may begin to adjust and recover, but this could take years. How long a person grieves and the severity of their grief is determined by a number of factors such as the relationship one had with the deceased, the deceased’s age, as well as how well the deceased was cared for before he/she died.

            Being widowed and single later in life is also brought up in this chapter. Men are less likely than women to be widowed; this gender difference could stem from the fact that women have longer life expectancies, wives tend to be younger than their husbands, and widowed men are more likely to remarry. When facing widowhood, some become depressed and struggle financially, while others begin new relationships by dating, cohabitating, or remarrying; however, new romantic relationships may create conflict when family members disapprove; but many feel the need to remarry for a sense of companionship.

            Caregiving is also very important to consider as the population is aging. The increasing number of older people is creating a sandwich generation composed of middle aged men and women who care for dependent children and their aging parents. Spouses and adult children tend to be more involved in caregiving than their parents were in the past. The RECIPIENTS of this care are those who are old, especially the frail elderly with physical or mental conditions which interfere with the activities of daily life (ADLs) or with instrumental activities of daily life (IADLs). The CAREGIVERS are often daughters/female adult children and daughters-in-law, or wives of the frail elderly because they often live longer than men; men are less likely to provide care than women, which creates a gender gap that reflects both cultural norms and structural factors in our society. There are 5 different caregiving styles: 1) routine caregivers incorporate regular assistance like doing a parent’s weekly shopping, laundry, or house cleaning into their daily activities; 2) backup caregivers are often siblings of a primary who are reliably available to provide assistance on request, but don’t voluntarily initiate involvement; 3) circumscribed caregivers are reliable to provide limited help like calling a parent regularly once a week, but are not available for other help; 4) sporadic caregivers provide assistance at their own convenience; and  5) disassociated caregivers who cannot be reliably counted on to provide assistance of any kind and may not even be involved in family discussions of the situation.

            The chapter ends by examining the competition for resources as society ages. While the population is becoming older, there are many expenses that continue to increase such as health care services (as more and more people utilize such services as they live longer). In addition, retirement income will be lower for younger generations because the future of social security and Medicare benefits remains unknown. There are no easy solutions to the rising cost of health care for older Americans, but many claim that Americans need to reconsider the retire age and work to an older age so older workers contribute more to social security and lessen the burden on the social security system. It is also thought that health care cost would decrease if new and less profitable firms were allowed to enter the market and make the health care industry more competitive. Lastly, if people were given incentives for healthier behaviors health care costs may decrease in the long run. Chapter 17 concludes by stating that as the population ages, people have more options as to how they wish to spend the rest of their life when they reach an old age; however, there are also many constraints as well as changes that many will face as people are living longer.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

              I thought the section on ageism and stereotypes of older people were very interesting. I never knew that it annoys older people when others call them “sweetie,” “dear” and “young lady.” I always thought this was just good manners to refer to older people in these ways. Throughout my work experience I would always hear my managers approach older customers with this ageist language. Who would have known that in reality they might be making them feel devalued? After reading this section, I definitely will think twice before referring to people in their midlife and later years because as the chapter points out words can define and shape attitudes in both positive and negative ways.

            The part about older people being stereotyped as living in the past and having outdated skills and ideas also caught my attention. I agree with the book that the reason most older people don’t go online isn’t because they have a fear of new technologies but because of the expense associated with computers and the Internet. As I was reading this, however, I immediately thought about the YouTube video that made national television in September:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E41KbxDe40s

This video shows that more and more elderly people are attempting to use today’s new technologies, but their technological skills may not be as good as some. Nevertheless, this has nothing to do with their disinterest in the new technology because, in actuality, an increasing number of them are becoming more interested and experimenting with technology.

3. Discussion Point:

            I found the topic about widowed older elderly people who choose to remarry worth discussing. First, I thought it was a little ironic that this was mentioned in our reading because I just had a discussion with my mom about whether or not we would get remarried later in life if our spouses died before us. I personally, think it is wrong; I think if you lived your whole life with a spouse who was the love of your life then why go searching for another one? I understand people may believe they need to marry in order to feel a sense of companionship, but can’t a person get this feeling just broadening their social network? The reason this topic really caught my attention is because two months after my dad’s mom passed away, my grandpa remarried. The women her married was considerably younger them him and she ended up spending all his money and perhaps even accelerated his death. On the other hand,  my mom’s parents remained together till death; after my grandma passed away, my granddad never even considered remarrying and just counted on his children and friends for support. When I was talking to my mom about how I thought it was wrong that my grandpa remarried so soon after my nana died and how I would want my life to end just like her parents; she brought up a good point saying perhaps some people remarry after a spouse dies because they believe their spouse was not the love of their life and someone else is but if your marriage was full of love for each other up till the end then there is no need to remarry. I just feel that if you get to build a life with someone you love and have a family why would you want to start a life with someone else? If you don’t feel your life was fulfilled during your first marriage, why wait for your spouse to die before you find real love? Do you think it is right for older widowed people to remarry?