1) Chapter 15 is about separation and divorce. It starts out by discussing the process of separation and what it's potential outcomes may be. Next, the different trends in divorce were presented. This was followed by the actual process of getting a divorce. After that there was a section about why people choose to get a divorce. The next topic was how divorce affects adults. And, of course, the next part was then how divorce affects children. The next section was about some outcomes of separation and divorce that can be positive. Help in the form of counseling, marital therapy, divorce mediation, and collaborative divorce was talked about last.
2) One thing I thought was particularly interesting was the box about choices on page 420. It talked about all the different kinds of divorced parents can have different affects on their children. I think this was good to have in the book because it really shows that there are all types of ways to react to a divorce, and each has consequences associated with it.
3) I think that a question the book brought up would be a good topic to discuss in class. Should it be harder to get a divorce? Would this be beneficial to keeping families together? Or just make some people stay in bad situations because it's too hard to get out?
Natalie LaBarbera
I really have a problem with this completely negative connation that
ReplyDeletedivorce has. Yes, there are some bad parts to it, but there are some
really good things that could come from it (if my parents didnt get a
divorce I would not have two little sisters that I completely adore). I do
not think that it should be harder for people to get a divorce. It is like
anything else in this world you get it (or get into it) because you think
it is a good idea (a new job, a new outfit, or a new car) but then you
realize that it is not for you and you can return it; in the case of
marriages divorces are like the return policies. I do not think someone
should have to stay in a bad marriage just because the government, or
anyone else says that they should. There are many reason that people get
divorce, from minor things to major things. My parents have been divorced
since I was about 2 or 3 years old and I would not have it any other way.
Growing up I did not want them to be together; I liked having two separate
families that I got to be the link for. In my case, both sides of my
families stayed close (my cousins on my dad's side are the godparents of
one of my sisters who has a different dad) and everything went perfectly.
My parents never dealt with assigning a spefic type of custody, and child
support was an agreement between my parents and was never thru the courts.
I have never had an behavioral issues like the book discribes, and my
grades never suffered. As I am getting older I am finding out some of the
things that had went wrong with my parents marriage (beside the fact that
they were both 20 when they got married), and I know my life would have
probably been a lot worse if my parents had stayed together. One thing I
take from my parents being divorced, which I wish most people would see,
is that you do not need to be married to have a family. My parents were
not married and I had the greatest and most complete family ever, with
extra members in it because of new marriages, and relationships. So now as
I am getting older I am realizing that for whatever reason if I get
married and need to get a divorce it will not "ruin" my family; I will
just have a different type of family. One that is a perfectly functioning,
dysfunctional family, just like my family now. Divorce can be a blessing
in disguise.
Jade, I completely agree with you and I am glad you had a positive experience with your parents' divorce.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side of the spectrum, I know people whose parents had bad marriages and stayed in it for the kids' sake and now their grown-up kids are a mess due to growing up in a stressful non-loving environment. One of these couples is my uncle and his wife, the other is my aunt and her husband. Now I have 4 strange cousins (2 from each) that have a lot of issues, interpersonal problems etc. Had my uncle's wife or my aunt leave their abusive and alcoholic husbands when their children were little, they could grow up to be better individuals.
I agree with Jade again that divorce is like a return policy. When I married my husband we were younger and he seemed to be an understanding person. Over the years he became emotionally abusive which started to escalate to physical threats (such as pushing, pulling my arm or hair). The emotional abuse got worse as well, where he would yell, scold, ridicule, and swear at me on a daily basis. I was extremely unhappy and was trying hard not to reflect my disappointment to my little baby who was hearing all the nasty names his father was calling me. I had to leave because I had to remove not only myself but also my child out of that unhealthy environment. It wasn't what I signed up for when I said "I do" years ago; my husband changed, and not in a good way. I wouldn't want laws to tell me that I have to remain married to a person who mistreats me like that. I rather "ruin" my dysfunctional family.
Eser
I don't think there's anything beneficial about keeping an unhealthy family together. Just because you've formed a family doesn't mean that the dynamics of the family will be positive overall. Just like there are bad relationships there are families that just don't work together. They're not necessarily bad families but they just don't work well together. A divorced family is nevertheless a family, it's just a family that is no longer together. In my opinion, the family dynamics are the only thing that changes. If a family doesn't function well together, but functions better off as two separate new families or as the parents simply being friends and amicable towards one another then divorce is certainly not bad. However, I think a couple should exhaust all their resources and options before resulting to divorce.
ReplyDelete