Chapter 15

Summary

Chapter 15 is about the processes of separation and divorce. Separation is not a legal situation as divorce is. There are stages of separation. There is preseparation which is when the partners are only thinking about how they would like to separate but they usually don’t tell their partner or actually take action. Early separation begins to ask themselves serious questions about how separation will affect their life.  Midseparation is when emotions start to escalate and the answers to the questions asked during early separation really begins to sink in. Late separation is when the spouse is actually separated from the other and they most learn to live life alone again. Separation does not always end with divorce and about 10% of separated couples end up getting back together. 6% never actually make the divorce official and then finally, the rest do go through with the legal procedure of divorce.

Divorce rates in the United States are relatively high, in face about half of all marriages end in divorce. Typically, the divorce begins with emotional divorce which, is before any legal action happens, the couple usually has to attraction to each other and can be hostile or angry towards the other. Legal divorce is the actual court issued divorce. Economic divorce is when the couple has to figure out how to split their assets that they have acquired as a couple. Coparental divorce is if the couple has children together, how they will split time and responsibility of the children. Community divorce is the process of informing their friends and family of the occurrence. Psychic divorce is the final stage of divorce and is when the couple really stops being a couple and goes on to lead separate lives.

All couples have different reasons for divorce. Some examples can be differences in religion, struggling to keep the family afloat during a bad economy, one partner goes into the military, differences in cultural values, and a decrease in social integration. Some times demographics affect divorce. If the parents of the spouses were divorced, the couple has a higher chance of getting a divorce themselves. The age they were married at can affect their chances of divorcing. Children and not being ready for children can lead to it, as well as gender, race, similarities, and social class. Micro level and interpersonal reasons can be abuse, cheating, communication issues and unrealistic expectations.

How does divorce affect adults? There are affects of physical well being as well as emotional and psychological well being.  There are financial problems such as alimony. Gender can affect how likely the partner is to make money and be successful after divorce. Age is a problem as well, especially for women, because older women are less attractive according to society. Child custody is also a problem that rises as a result of divorce. There are a few different types of custody; sole custody, split custody, joint custody, and co-custody. Child support also comes up as a problem of divorce. Mothers usually get custody of the child, and therefore the father has to pay child support.

Divorce also affects children. The problems before, during and after the divorce can be detrimental to children. The problems their parents are having are hard for the child to avoid. The timing can also affect the children, especially when the child is younger. Even after the divorce, the hostility can continue. The finance situation can also cause problems for the children, particularly with education. The quality of parenting can change if the parents are not communicating. Good things can come out of divorce, though. Children can get out of unhappy environments and will make them happier in turn.

Counseling and therapy is an option for couples thinking about divorce but want to try their best to avoid it. There are advantages and disadvantages to all forms of therapy and meditation.

What I learned

I had never realized how many different types of therapy there were for people considering a divorce or people that were divorced. I really liked the idea of divorce meditation. I have friends whose parents have gone through really nasty divorces and I think that this process of meditation would have made the couple get along better and would have made the divorce easier on everyone (especially on their children who should be their first thought in the whole process).

Question for discussion

I was wondering what the class thought about economic problems the divorced couples face. Since women statistically make less money than men, but men tend to be “dead beat dads,” how can a divorce possibly be better for a couple (especially the woman) than what they have to deal with in their household (unless they are being abused. Then she needs to get out regardless).