Chapter 12: Raising Children—Promises & Pitfalls

1. Summary:

            Chapter 12 examines parenting and the constraints that go along with it; child development and parental impact; various parenting styles; as well as different child care options. Child rearing is a lifetime commitment that does not come naturally to everyone.  Many parents practice a trial and error style or turn to experts for advice. Role conflict and role strain often occur as norms and role expectations change. Role conflict occurs when there is discordance between two or more role expectations; which is common when one has many different roles. Role strain occurs when one finds it difficult to perform their roles; there are 4 contributing factors to role strain, which include: unrealistic role expectations (society assumes that parents are responsible to see that their children succeed; so many feel guilty if they don’t fulfill this expectation), decreased authority (the belief that parents are given less authority in raising kids than they had in the past, many parents experience role strain), increased responsibility (as parental responsibility has increased, now holding parents responsible for their child’s disobedient actions, parents are more likely to experience role strain), and high parenting standards (parents must live up to high standards with little preparation). When a woman enters motherhood, they are faced with many realities; mothers may encounter many problems if they believe the myth that mothering comes naturally; many receive criticism about not doing as good of a job as parents compared to their own mother; as media presents an unrealistic view of motherhood through the use of celebrity moms, many women compare themselves to this depiction and become unsatisfied; and as traditional gender roles idealize the mother role and expect fathers to step aside in child rearing, father involvement decreases. Father involvement in raising children greatly affects how satisfied a mother feels about her own parenting. The more involved a father is, the more satisfied a mother usually feels. There are 3 types of fathers discussed in this chapter: 1) breadwinner father (take responsibility of earning the money to economically support the family; 2) autonomous father (seek freedom from family commitments and distance themselves from both their former spouse and their children after a marital breakup); and 3) involved father (believe that good fathering invovles participation in the daily tasks of child rearing and nurturing). Over the years, father’s participation has increased, but mothers remain the main nurturer. Many fathers may want to participate more in raising their children, but their job demands impede on their time to do so. When fathers believe they are just as capable of nurturing their children as the mother, they possess more egalitarian views of gender roles. Furthermore, the stronger relationships couples have, the more involved fathers are.

            Next the chapter discusses child development. Child development occurs by learning how to deal with new expectations and changes. This chapter presents 3 theories of child development: 1) Mead’s Theory of the Social Self claims that the one develops by interacting socially; as children mature they understands the accepted norms and values and learn to respond to the expectations of society. 2) Piaget’s Cognitive Development Theory claims that children play an active role in their own learning. As they mature they process information and seek knowledge at certain ages. 3) Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory of Development covers not just childhood and adolescence, but the entire lifespan. It outlines stages in which children mature and develop the ability to work through issues which arise. A person’s social relationships with family members, peers, and others reflect their successful development.

            The quality of parenting greatly affects children’s behavior; for instance, positive parenting often results in children possessing fewer behavioral problems. Furthermore, ethnicity and social class influences family life. Spending time with children is the key to shaping a child’s well-being. However, in some ethnic groups parental involvement becomes an issue for a number of  possible reasons;  single parents often do not have the time or energy to spend with their children often because they have to work many hours (common with African American families),  multigenerational homes  also diminishes the time parents spend with their children if they have to care for the needs of elders(common in black, Asian, and Latino families); and immigrants might not be involved in their children’s activities because they are often unaware of or uncomfortable with recreational activities that are free to the public. In addition, monitoring children’s activities often varies with ethnicity and social class; African American and Latino fathers closely monitor their children’s activities more than white fathers do; parental supervision and control often decreases as children acculturate and comply with the values of their peer group rather than those of their family; and restrictions on TV viewing often increases with higher educated parents. Many racial and ethnic parenting approaches reflect social class variations; Low socioeconomic status families live just above or below the poverty line and often undergo many struggles in their life; parents give their infants fewer opportunities for daily stimulation and children often assume adult roles and responsibilities within the family, which often leads to negative actions like dropping out of school or forgoing marriage. Middle socioeconomic status families have more resources and will seek professional advice to enhance their children’s emotional, social, and cognitive development. Mothers interact more with their infants which leads to healthy self-expression. Middle-class men remain employed in order to show their commitment to parenthood by providing for their families. High socioeconomic status families are characterized by close parental involvement; and children possess more material resources and engage in more extracurricular activities than children in lower income families.

            Parenting requires a variety of adjustments over time as many changes take place over the life course. Starting with infants, parents often need to recognize that babies cry to get ones attention in order to conquer some frustration; there is much controversy as to whether or not it is right for parents to sleep with their infants and babies; many believe bed sharing is appropriate because it quiets the infant, provides family companionship, and is convenient for breast feeding mothers; but, on the other hand, others argue that bed sharing can lead to accidental deaths, children to continue sleeping with their parents until older ages; in addition, some argue bed sharing disrupts parents’ sexual intimacy and the parents’ ability to get a good night’s rest. Newborns are so demanding that parents often suffer from self-doubt, have less time for each other, and their interest in sex may diminish. Mothers who are more withdrawn, anxious, or depressed normally experience a significant amount of stress during their child’s early days. Moreover, many parents experience unnecessary anxiety and guilt due to the many myths about babies that set up false expectations of unrealistic goals. Warm and responsive parental interaction during the first two years of a child’s life may be beneficial for children; as it may influence children to acquire skills to control their behavior. When considering responsive parental interaction, many believe that parents and physicians are overmedicating children. Many also argue that parents are forcing children to grow up too fast. The quality of relationships with adults and other caregivers has a profound impact on a child’s development. It is normal for the parent-child relationship may shift suddenly during adolescence, as teens become more independent and confide in friends more than their parents. The changing moods and behaviors of adolescents add to marital strain as it becomes increasingly difficult to handle. Two types of parents are identified that may negatively influence a child’s development; these include: “helicopter parents” (parents who hover over their kids, controlling every aspect of their lives; this parenting style often hinders teen’s decision-making and problem solving skills) and “problem parents” (parents who increase their teenage children’s risk of engaging in unhealthy behavior by their actions or inactions). Parents should boost their child’s psychological and emotional well-being by teaching them good social skills, rather than hovering over their children or giving them undeserved praise. Many employed parents commonly experience role overload, which occurs when one is overwhelmed by the number of responsibilities in their life; monitoring children often becomes more difficult when one undergoes role overload. Despite the problems that parents might struggle with when caring for their children, most adolescents manage to reach adulthood without major problems. Many parent’s attempt to keep in touch with their children (some taking drastic measures to track them) as they withdraw from the family during adolescence. Today, there are an increasing number of boomerang children who live at home longer than in the past; many journalists often refer to these boomerang children as “adultolescents” because they are still mooching off their parents instead of living on their own. There are both micro individual factors and macro-factors that contribute to the increasing number of children deciding to move back home; micro-factors include: more people are delaying marriage, thus find no need to get their own home; and some enjoy the comfort and support (financial and emotional) they receive in the parental nest. Macro-factors include: economic distress makes it harder for young middle-class adults to maintain the lifestyles that their parents created; the lower you go on the economic and educational ladder, transition to adulthood gets tougher; and many middle-class families are child-centered as they support their young adults as they work towards their careers. Furthermore, young adults rarely save money to be able to move out of their parent’s home. There are often mixed feelings between parents about children moving back home; some are unhappy but tolerant of the return, some are angry, and others are willing to support adult children who return home as such co-residence may bring mutual assistance. In addition to parenting infants, children, and adolescents, parenting also takes place later in life as parents provide some form of help to at least one of their adult children.

            In general, homosexual families are similar to heterosexual families; they both are involved in child-rearing, but lesbian and gay parents face the added burden of raising children who often experience discrimination because of their parent’s sexual orientation. While some children find nothing wrong with having same-sex parents, others try to conceal the information from their friends to avoid teasing and rejection. What matters is not the gender of parents, but the quality of their relationships with their children. When gay and lesbian children come out to their heterosexual parents, negative feelings/reactions initially arise; followed by feelings of failure and guilt, then often overtime others may come to terms with the circumstance and learn to accept the child’s sexual orientation.

            There are various parenting styles (general approaches to interacting with and disciplining children) mentioned in this chapter, which can greatly influence how well a child matures to adulthood; 4 specific styles that vary on levels of support and control parents possess include: 1) authoritarian style parents expect absolute obedience from their children, they often use coercive measures to exercise high parental control over their children’s behavior; while parental control is high, parental support is low; this style may lead to children developing aggressive and short tempered behavior.2) permissive style parents are easygoing, give their children fewer responsibilities; parental support is high and parental control is low; this style may impede on a child’s development, causing them to remain immature and irresponsible. 3) uninvolved style (contains both low parental support and parental control,  this type of parent spends little time interacting with their children and does not closely monitor their whereabouts; this style may also cause children to remain immature and develop behavioral problems). and 4) authoritative style parents are considered the most effective, children are taught to be respectful and obey rules, parents are responsive and supportive; unlike authoritarian style. Parents use positive reinforcement rather than harsh punishment; both parental support and control are high; this style may have many beneficial outcomes for children, as they are more likely to become successful. There is much debate about the use of verbal and corporal punishments; many argue that corporal punishment negatively affects children; despite the fact that corporal punishment may lead to temporary compliance of children. Children who undergo this type of discipline experience long-term effects and are more likely to be antisocial, belligerent, and persistently resistant. Many argue that parents should rely on nonphysical forms of discipline as they have more positive long-term effects.

            Children are negatively impacted by the number of absentees fathers in the U.S; they often face financial and social deprivation. “Social fathers” generally are like fathers to children, providing support for the mother and children; however, when they are no longer present, all the resources received by them are no longer attainable. Furthermore, as more parents are taking on full-time employment, the number of dual-employed with kids (DEWKS) families increases, as well as the number of latchkey kids. Latchkey kids are children who return to an empty home after school, remaining alone and unsupervised until their parents or another adult comes home. Child care arrangements vary depending on the availability of care, its costs, the hours of child care program, and race and ethnicity. As child care programs expenses continue to increase, an increasing number of low-income families are less likely to use them. The topic of day care often causes controversy as to whether or not it leads to positive or negative outcomes. Nevertheless, studies show well-run day care can enhance a child’s social and cognitive development.

            The chapter ends with a discussion about current social issues that are affecting children. It first examines the impact of electronic media pointing out the lack of educational content that many TV programs have, which in turn can lead to poor performance in school as an increasing number of children watch TV, diminishing the time they spend reading or doing school work. Furthermore, many children are using social networking sites such as Facebook on the Internet, which can have detrimental effects to their behaviors as well as to their future. However, many believe that the benefits of electronic media outweigh the costs; in fact, the Internet and cell phones seem to strengthen many families by providing easy access to one another throughout the day; and the use of the internet may enhance creative expression and writing skills. Life is improving for many American children, however the risk of obesity, poverty, air pollutants, and gun violence still exists for children in the U.S. Additionally, the lack of guaranteed prenatal care for every pregnant women has many negative consequences. The last topic covered in this chapter deals with foster homes, which are often used in response to at risk families. Foster homes have both costs and benefits; the COSTS include: they may damage children’s physical and mental health problems even more than they already are by having them undergo multiple placements or stay in foster care for a long time; and it can lead to increase dropout rates, thus many are disadvantaged in attaining a higher education; the BENEFITS include: it provides children with physical and emotional support as well as creates a loving job for many foster parents. The chapter concludes by stating that child-rearing practices have changed significantly over the years, while parental styles are largely shaped by factors such as social class, race, and ethnicity.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

              I found the box on page 334 titled “Should Parents Track Their Teens?” very interesting. I never knew devices existed that allow parents to track where children are driving. I think the car chip and GPS are excellent ideas and agree with those parents who feel these high-tech devices increase their teens’ safety. While many teens find these devices to be too controlling, many should take into consideration that these devices may actually save their lives; car accidents are the leading cause of death for teens and with these high-tech devices parents are able to monitor their teens to ensure their safety and whereabouts. As a person who lost an older sister in a car accident, I think more parents should be informed about such tracking devices; they may help parents realize when their children are at risk, providing them with more opportunities to take action. Perhaps if my sister had a tracking device set up in her car, my parents would have been more aware of how fast she drove (& put an end to such behavior through discipline) or where and when she crashed to take immediate action.

            The picture and description about the measures the Chinese government takes for Internet addiction on page 347 also really caught my attention. I never knew there was such a thing as treatment centers for Internet addiction; the Chinese government goes so far to require patients who are addicted to the Internet to remain in a treatment center for 3 months. While these measures to conquer Internet addiction may seem a little bizarre, I think the U.S. could benefit from these treatment centers as the electronic media seems to be taking over society and negatively affecting many.

3. Discussion Point:

As I was reading this chapter, I thought the topic of corporal punishment was worth discussing. I am against the use of corporal punishment because the costs seem to outweigh the benefits. I grew up in a family where my parents and even my grandparents would spank my sisters and I; I personally think this may have contributed to the aggressive behavior that still exists in my family today; I think it has socialized my twin sister to become the intimidating being that she is; perhaps because she learned early on that physical force is acceptable. Maybe if my parents and grandparents had used nonphysical forms of discipline these long-term negative effects would not be present and my family would feel more welcoming. I don’t believe any parent should use physical force on a child; I believe this is abuse, no matter what anyone else says, and it can be very detrimental to one physically and mentally. Furthermore, I think Congress should pass a law that bans spanking.

What is your stance on corporal punishment? Is it a reasonable way to discipline children? Or do the costs outweigh the benefits? Should there be a law banning spanking?