Chapter 11: To Be or Not to Be a Parent

1. Summary:

            Chapter 11 examines choices regarding parenthood as well as the benefits and costs of having children. These choices involve postponing parenthood, becoming pregnant despite conception problems, and having children outside of marriage. As parenthood is a lifelong commitment, there are various ways in which couples react to pregnancy; couples may be planners (they come to an agreement to have a child after discussing the issue), acceptance-of-fate (they are surprised, but accepting of a child even though the pregnancy was unplanned), ambivalent (they have mixed feelings before and after conception and even well into the pregnancy), or yes-no couples (one partner may not want children, even late in the pregnancy). Benefits for becoming a parent include: the emotional fulfillment children give through love, joy, and happiness as well as personal satisfaction by generating a sense of family and providing new dimensions in one’s life; costs might include: high expenses, pain and discomfort experienced by the mother during the pregnancy process, as well as diminishing marital satisfactions as parents invest most of their time on the child than their own marriage and they may experience emotional unease. Mothers might experience mild mood disorder that typically occurs the first couple of weeks after childbirth known as postpartum blues, which entail feeling overwhelmed, moody and teary, along with feelings of pure happiness. This is often caused by a chemical imbalance as a result of a sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone level. Another disorder is postpartum depression (PPD) a serious illness that can occur up to a year after childbirth in which women feel sad, hopeless, worthless, and have trouble caring for the baby; the exact causes for such an illness are unknown. Regardless of the many consequences mothers may undergo after childbirth, mothers are often filled with joy with their newborns. In addition, while mothers are often considered more important than fathers, fathers are just as important as mothers when it comes to caring for infants. Fathers  are essential for an infant’s emotional development.

            After discussing parenthood and its effects, the chapter analyzes fertility rates and the reasons they fluctuate. Total fertility rate (TFR) (the average number of children born to a woman during her lifetime) and fertility rate (the number of live children born per year per 1,000 women age 15-44) are both measures used to describe fertility (the number of live births in a population). The U.S. fertility rate has varied significantly over the year; these variations can be explained by both macro-level societal factors (population growth causes an increases in fertility rate; advance in technology, medicine, and hygiene cause a decrease in fertility rate; labor force participation influencing many to postpone having children decreases fertility rate; and religion, race and ethnicity, as well as social class may impact fertility rates in many ways) and micro-level individual practices (use of effective contraception to prevent pregnancy—conception variables, decision to abort—pregnancy outcome variables, frequency one engages in sexual intercourse—intercourse variables, birth spacing/how often women have babies, and relationship contexts, which often affect sexual practices). As fertility rates currently decrease in the U.S., infant mortality rates (the number of babies who die before the age of 1 per 100 live births in a given year) in the U.S. continue to be higher than many other countries in the world.

            The next section in the chapter examines those people who decide to postpone parenthood. Both men and women are more likely than ever to choose to have children later in life, thus parents are becoming increasingly older. There are many explanations for this decision to delay parenthood. Considering micro-level factors, one may be unable to exceed in finding a potential mate due to their challenging career; many single women are not willing to raise a child on their own; many couples wait until they have saved money for the future, one is able to be a stay-at-home parent, and/or there is a sense of equity in the home. On the other hand, macro-level factors like not having the resources to start a family and reproductive factors largely influence ones decision to delay parenthood.  In addition, the increased divorce rate, national child care programs, poor family leave policies, and rigid work schedules cause both men and women to postpone parenthood. There are many advantages as well as disadvantages of being an older parent. The ADVANTAGES include the fact that they are more likely to be married and highly educated; more likely to hold high income jobs decreasing the number of tensions for the family. Another advantage is being better prepared for parenthood. DISADVANTAGES  of postponing parenthood include a higher risk for health problems and finding out that it may be difficult or too late to have biological children later in life.

            Infertility is the inability to conceive a baby is often a huge obstacle when trying to have children, especially for those who delayed parenthood till later in life. There are four reasons given in this chapter for female infertility: 1) a failure to ovulate; 2)a blockage of the fallopian tube caused by pelvic inflammatory disease, which is often caused by STDs; 3) endometriosis (a condition in which the tissue form in the lining of the uterus spreads outside the womb and attaches itself to other pelvic organs); and 4) a decrease in the production of reproductive hormones often caused by excessive exercise or rapid weight loss. Males also experience infertility often caused by a low sperm count or chemical pollution. Chronic smokers’ sperm is more likely than nonsmokers to be infertile; sperm production is sensitive to temperature, thus saunas, hot tub, and steam baths may decrease one’s fertility; and fertility decreases as a person ages. For many women infertility is an unanticipated life crisis that involves stigma, psychological distress, grief, guilt, and a sense of violation. Infertility may cause a decrease in marital satisfaction because women may blame themselves and feel as though they are a failure because they have caused the generational continuity to end. However, many infertile couples accept that they cannot conceive as a fact of life and remain childless; they often come to enjoy a connection with children of relatives and friends or they become very involved in work-related activities. Moreover, a great amount of unfertile couples turn to adoption; however, fewer babies born out of wedlock are given up for adoption then in the past because a good number of single mothers keep their babies. Some infertile couples take in foster children, who are placed by a government agency or a court in the care of someone other than his/her biological parents. Different types of adoptions are discussed in this chapter: transracial adoption which disallow matching children and prospective parents solely on the basis of race or ethnicity; this can be very controversial as many believe that white parents can’t teach African American children how to deal with racism, prejudice, and discrimination. Open adoption is when the biological and adoptive parents maintaining contact and share information throughout the child’s life. Closed adoptions occur when information is concealed of both the adoption and the birth parents, and there is no involvement or contact with the biological parents. A semi-open adoption means all communication takes place through a third party; there is no direct communication between the adoptee, the adoptive and biological parents. Joint adoptions are when 2 unmarried parents adopt a child together at the same time; and international adoptions are common because the waiting period is shorter when adopting children from overseas than in the U.S; but, some host countries have cut such adoptions for cultural, political, and economic reasons.

As there are a variety of adoption options, each one does not go with out a set of constraints. Additionally, same-sex partners have, over the years, gained more support to adopt children. The REWARDS associated with adoption include being able to provide children with a loving and stable environment; providing financial advantages and a better education to children who would not have been so privileged. Adopted children are more likely to hold a skilled job, and less likely to engage in destructive behaviors or be homeless as adults. The COSTS of adoption may include: worries adoptive parents may have that the teenage girls delivering babies may have significant health problems because of drug use or lack of prenatal care; and adoptive parents often struggle with dealing with the child’s severe behavior problems as well as their own feelings about adopting over conceiving their own.

            While many turn to adoption, a greater number of people are turning to reproductive technologies. There are both medical and high-tech treatments for fertility; medical treatments encompass a medical procedure in which semen is introduced artificially into the vagina or uterus at the time of ovulation known as artificial insemination and fertility drugs or medications that stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs. There is much concern with the use of fertility drugs causing multiple births and increasing the chance of premature low birth weight babies causing major health problems and lifelong learning disabilities. As treatment or procedures that involve the handling of human eggs and sperm to establish a pregnancy becomes more widespread, infertile couples have more and more choices to choose from. These assisted reproductive technology (ART) procedures include: in vitro fertilization (IVF) which involves the removal of eggs from a woman’s ovaries, fertilizing those eggs with sperm from a donor or the woman’s husband in a petri dish, and finally the embryos are transferred into the women’s uterus, surrogacy when a woman capable of carrying a pregnancy to term serves as a substitute for a woman who cannot bear children. Many women are surrogates for money as well as for cultural reasons. Preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) enables couples to choose healthy embryos for transfer into a woman’s uterus as physicians identify genetic diseases in the embryo before implantation; there is much concern that this procedure may lead to a “new eugenics” with parents customizing their babies. Like most options presented in this chapter, genetic engineering entail both benefits and costs. Some BENEFITS include: they can detect prenatal genetic disorder and abnormalities, which allows parents to decide whether or not to abort early in the pregnancy if abnormalities are identified; they produce equally as healthy children as those who are born naturally; and eggs can be frozen and reimplanted to prevent infertility and produce healthy babies for those undergoing cancer treatment. Some COSTS include: an increase risk of birth defects; they are expensive, therefore only those who are well off can afford them; there are many ethical arguments against giving birth to a child for the sole purpose of using their tissues to help other children in the family; in addition, confusion often arises when a child has numerous parents.

            Abortion is the expulsion of an embryo or fetus from the uterus and is another option people may use to avoid parenthood. People may undergo abortion naturally or it may be induced medically. Studies have shown that abortion rates have decreased in the U.S. As the decision whether or not to have an abortion depends on both structural factors and individual experiences; abortions are most common among young, African American or white, who never married. There are many reasons people chose to abort, such as not being ready for parenthood; not wanting to be a single mother; or not wanting to continue trying to conceive. Others have abortions because they don’t have the money to support a child or because they want to maintain secrecy about their sex life. Anti-abortion groups claim that abortion endanger a woman’s physical and emotional health; however, there is no evidence to support their claims. As an increasing number of Americans describe themselves as pro-life, rather than pro-choice, abortion rates drop. In addition, religious beliefs & practices; increase use of emergency contraception; fewer abortion providers; as well as having the most restrictive abortion policies in the U.S. all contribute to the decrease in number of abortions.

            The chapter ends by discussing child free couples, which are couples that decide not to have children by choice rather than because of infertility. Reasons child free couples opt out of having children include the desire to save time, money, and energy; a family history of genetic diseases; or because they believe one should marry before parenthood so some couples who marry later in life choose to be child free. There continues to be an increasing number of options to become a parent. Couples are given the option to not have children, which is becoming more acceptable in society.

2. What was interesting/what did you learn:

             I thought the section about the difference between child free and childless was very interesting. I never heard anyone call someone who decided not to have children child free. Also, before reading this section it never crossed my mind that the term childless would imply that one has a lack or a loss; I just always thought it meant that a couple didn’t have children for no specific reason. I do agree child free insinuates more than not having a child. It entails more freedom rather than a loss and thus it was decided upon by choice, rather than by other factors like infertility.

            I also found the box on page 309 titled, "So what’s next? Pregnant Men?" very engaging. It presents a short story about a male scientist in a movie undergoing a female procedure; he tested a drug on himself that ensures healthy pregnancies. Then it compares the make up of both male and female bodies, concluding that men might have the biological capacity to produce eggs. It raises the question, “should we continue to develop technology that will allow men to become pregnant and deliver babies?” This just really caught my attention because I never thought about technology becoming so advanced that a male would be able to conceive a child. That sounds a little far-fetched to me. But if it ever happened, it seems the traditional gender roles would most likely be completely erased with men playing more nurturing figures.

3. Discussion Point:

As I was reading the chapter, I thought the section about whether or not parents should be allowed to change their minds once an adoption has been finalized worth discussing. I went all through grade school with a girl who was adopted at birth by a married couple who opted out of conceiving their own children. In sixth grade, I attended her birthday party and was introduced to a 6-year-old boy who she said was her new adopted brother. However, when I went back to their house a month later to work on a school project, the boy wasn’t there. I asked the girl where he was and she said her adopted parents couldn’t deal with his behavior and thought it would be best if he was adopted by another family who would be more suitable for him. At that time, I was shocked that they returned the child; I felt like it was like treating him as a pet that they couldn’t handle so they gave it away to another family. However, after really thinking it over, I think parents should be allowed to change their minds after an adoption has been finalized because if it is impossible to provide love for that child, then the child is better off in a family that will be able to provide that love. An adopted child should be given a family that can satisfy its needs, rather than cause more pain and suffering than there already might be in their lives. So, in short, I think mind changing is okay when it comes to adopting a child because by keeping a child in a home that is unsuitable for them, it may just create even more problems for both the parents and the child.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you think parents should be allowed to change their minds after an adoption has been finalized? Or do you think they should have to deal with the problems instead of returning a child?