Chapter 9

This chapter begins by asking the reader if America has a marriage problem as singles appear to be postponing marriage to pursue personal goals or careers before settling down and building a family that might hinder ones pursuits. The chapter moves onto characterizing singles int 4 categories: Voluntary temporary singles/Voluntary stable singles/Involuntary temporary singles/Involuntary stable singles. As more people are increasing accepting singlehood, there has been a decrease in size of households--people are living alone and the reading goes into detail about why. Some reasons discussed are that many Americans can afford it and Americans are living longer and healthier lives therefore more possible to live independently post retirement. The chapter goes into detail about several factors that play into individuals choosing singlehood over the married life. The three points effecting marriage are macro-level factors, demographic influences, and individual reasons. The macro-level factors include war, technology, social movements, economy, and gender roles. Demographic influences include the sex ratio, the marriage squeeze, social class and non-marital childbearing. Individual reasons as to why many choose to be single than to marry are that some people are waiting to meet their soul mate, independence, enjoying close relationships, and difficulty in making a commitment. Common myths about being single were addressed as follows: singles are selfish and self-centered, singles are well-off financially, singles are usually lonely and miserable and want to marry, singles are promiscuous or don't get any sex, singles' children are doomed to a life of poverty as well as emotional and behavior problems, singles worry about growing old and dying alone, and there's something wrong with people who don't marry. From here the chapter makes an interesting shift towards cohabitation. Cohabitation is an increasing trend throughout the U.S. culture as many Americans these days seem to cohabitate before marriage, for YEARS even. There are many different reasons why people choose to cohabitate before marriage and there are different types of cohabitation such as people who are dating each other, premarital cohabitation, trial marriage cohabitation, and people who choose to use it as a substitute for marriage. The chapter ends in discussing the topic of same sex unions and gay/lesbian relationships.

Something I found particularly interesting is that the chapter says that cohabitation does not lead to better marriages. I can see the cases in which it wouldn't because of the fact that many fall into marriage just because its seems like the right thing to do after living with and sharing a life with somebody for so long. It would almost be a wasted effort if the relationship did not end up in marriage. Two people cohabitating might be missing out on other viable mates that could possibly be a better match aside from their current situation. They marry because "it feels like the right thing to do" when they actually might not be exactly right for one another in which problems will occur later on. So yes, it's easy for me to see how it couldn't lead to better marriages but I wouldn't say that there isn't the chance for cohabitation to elude to a happy functional marriage. My sister and brother-in-law are prime example of a successful cohabitation ending positively in marriage. They had been together for 6 years before my brother-in-law popped the question (on April Fool's Day, ironically) and had lived together for 5 of those 6 years. If anything both, my sister and brother-in-law, say that it made their bond even stronger and on the day of their wedding they were left with no doubts about their compatibility. So maybe their cohabitation was more of a trial marriage that ended up working out, but I got the impression that the book was suggesting that cohabitation doesn't help marriages work out, when ignoring the aspect that it certainly can, would be wrong.

After reading about the demographic influences on marriage and learning that countries such as China allow their cultural beliefs to influence their choice to marry or not I grew curious about such cultural values. For example, in China their culture allows for such a skewed sex ratio as female infanticide is widely practiced. I understand that bearing a baby boy gives a chinese family more security because a male relative can marry and carry on the traditions of their family lineage. A female cannot and must adopt the traditions of the family she is marrying into. However, if there is such a skewed sex ratio leaving a shortage in females for males to marry, how do such families expect their values and traditions to remain preserved if they are constantly killing off their baby girls? What is the benefit of this for these cultures? Isn't that counter productive in the whole idea of carrying on the family name and such if there aren't many options to choose from when it comes to males looking for a suitable wife?