Drama on the Golf Course

Jay Oriola

Drama on the Golf Course

I recently read the hot topic regarding Tiger Woods and his divorce to his wife. The media discussed the details of his divorce in full length stating how he had cheated with numerous women over a period of time. Mr. Woods had been caught when he left a message on one of his mistresses’ answering machine clearly stating his first and last name and discussing other things of a sexual nature. The couple had their final falling out when they starting fighting, Woods tried to drive away but the wife smashed his shield and got into a small incident. This story was one of interest to me because of the sheer power that Tiger Woods held in our day and age. Being one of the most famous Golfers, if not athlete, of our time, Woods stardom seemed to transcend mere athletics.

His family was picture perfect when viewed by the media and he continued to win everything in sight. Then the world came crashing down and the truth was exposed. The world saw their marriage as one to look up to, but under the sheets, Woods was have extra-marital affairs with countless of women while his wife didn’t know anything about it. Just from observing, it surprised me that Woods could keep his secret alive for so long. I also thought, him being the idol for so many young athletes, he would keep his extra-curricular activities under wraps. But needless to say, the marriage was put on blast in front of the whole world. Not only the marriage, but the family seemed to be picked and prodded as well. I felt horribly bad for the children . My question is how will this affect the children in the long run with such a public divorce plaguing their childhood?

Scandal At Pennstate

Jay Oriola

Scandal At Pennstate

I recently have read certain article concerning the Penn State case regarding Sandusky. He was charged with about 52 counts of abuse with around 10 boys over a span of a decade. This scandal struck me because of the egregious acts that occurred. He was on the Penn State football team staff. The head coach, Joe Paterno was fired along with Sandusky, but more for not doing anything after he had found out about Sandusky’s violation. The media seemed to cover more about Penn State and what the football and coach would now do after the scandal hit instead of on the innocent children who were violated during the past decade. The children and their families have been tremendously affected by this case, both short and long term.

Just from our past discussions, I have come to realize how the core of a family and even its extended members is so vital to its structure. And when that core is violated, it is very tough to bring it back together. Even the alluded back story behind the molestation case, where they said Sandusky had a charity organization that’s objective was to help kids in need makes me think this was his bait to lure them into his sick fantasies. They haven’t had a chance to interview families, but the fact that these acts have been going on for so long inclines that the kids might have some long term emotional scars. The children may be distant and aggressive toward adults they trust, they might feel awkward and uncomfortable when they’re with their significant other in the future, along with countless other effects. These memories may harbor inside them and cause them to lash out of commit crimes due to anger from their past. The horrid acts that occurred can tear families apart, especially if justice is not served and the accused rightfully charged and convicted. These cases have affected not only the families, but the community, the nation and more so, the culture of life the cities where the young boys live.

Top 10 Reasons for Divorce

Came across an article that listed the top 10 reasons for divorce. They go in this order:
10. Difference in priorities and expectations
9. Addiction
8.Child-rearing issues
7. Religious strains
6. Boredom in Marriage
5. Sexual Incompatibility
4. Financial Issues
3. Abuse
2. Communication Breakdowns
1. Marital Infidelity

Priorities in a marriage is a big issue along with the rest of the issues. With everyone being a unique individual people's priorities will never align. When you are married you must meet halfway with your partner so that you will both be happier. Also priority comes with family and commitment to your marriage. If you place a priority over your family or marriage then that will quickly lead to divorce.

Drug addiction or alcohol addiction really need no explanation. Drugs and alcohol do not mix well with family and marriage. It destroys you as a person first and then that change will destroy your family and marriage. Drug addicts will do ANYTHING to get their next fix even if it means hurting someone close to them like family. Alcohol will cause you to act out of character and can even lead to physical abuse.

Child-rearing issues is a silent killer to marriages. It goes along the lines with priorities because this is one main priority that needs to be distributed equally. Many couples get into arguments about whose turn it is to change a diaper or pick a child up from school. The thing couples just need to do for this one is to write down the responsibilities and distribute them equally.

Religion in my opinion should not be this high on the list. I feel that this is something that should have been established before you get married. This is a topic that is discussed on the first couple of dates.

Boredom of the marriage is something that cannot be fixed sometimes. Some people try to rekindle that flame but it does not work. Couple from distant and disinterested in each other. When you become bored with someone, you do not want to be around them anymore so it's no reason to hold on. If you want to hang on then try new things that you haven't done as a couple.

Sexual incompatibility is a huge problem. Sex is a big part of marriage because you will be having sex with that person the rest of your life. Usually couples are open with each other to resolve the problem but some people indulge in infidelity which ultimately result in divorce. My advice is to go to the sex store and try new things even if it is uncomfortable.

Financial Issues is a big thriller because everyone wants to be financially stable. It can be one person making all the income or it being split but when the problems kick in, then it will lead to divorce. If a woman makes more than her husband then her husband may feel a certain way that can lead to a breakdown in the marriage. When a man is the primary income source then the woman could feel as though where is her contribution especially if the child-rearing responsibilities is split down the middle.

Abuse is a great deal. You have mental and physical abuse. Neither is worse than the other even though physical abuse appears to be worse. When you mentally abuse a person then you are lowering their self-esteem. Physical abuse just makes a person feel like a slave and build fear in a person. My blog on Domestic Violence will explain the result of Abuse.

Communication breakdowns is one of those things that lead to misunderstanding. People think that when you argue a lot then that means bad communication but it doesn't. People that argue just stand their ground and at the end come to an agreement. When you don't argue then you are not voicing what you feel and everything looks cool but it is not. Communication is key to a successful relationship.

Infidelity needs not to be explained. It is clearly obvious why this is at the top of the divorce list.

Question: What do you feel is the top ten reasons for divorce?

Everything Except the Ring

If you turn on the television and follow your favorite celebrity, you may notice that they are in a serious relationship. Now if you take a glance at his/her left ring finger, you may see that it is bare. That is because a lot of people do not see the point in getting married. Some men even say that the wedding is really for the women because of the public viewing and solidifying the couple's love. people sometimes are perfectly fine with living together, having kids, going to church together, and going on many dates. When it comes to marriage they just don't see the point. A journalist did an article about a personal experience with the issue at hand. She said she had been pressing the issue with her current boyfriend and he would ask her, "What is the point?" She responds with answers like; public avowals, presents, or Le Creuset? Then she said that she moved on to another topic which had to do with babies. Her boyfriend then expressed that he would be willing to have a baby with her but not get married.

It turns out that this was not a rare incident with the journalist and her boyfriend. More than 5 million unmarried couples cohabit in the U.S., nearly eight times the number in 1970, and a record-breaking 40% of babies born in 2007 had unmarried parents. That is a 25% raise from 2002. More and more unmarried births are occurring with women between the ages of 25-29, which has doubled since 1980. This is heavily due to the committed umarrieds as one sociologist put it.

A guy by the name of Raymond McCauly says that he and his partner will not get married even after being together for 5 years and have a pair of twins. He and his partner both got divorced, by someone else, in their 20's and it was so bad as he exclaimed. He drew a good analogy of getting married again being equal to receiving food poisoning. He said, "You don't want to eat that thing again, even if you know it's perfectly fine this time." In my opinion this could hold true but it only depends on how your first marriage ended. It makes you wonder if marriage is on it's way out. Do you really need it to be happy with someone you love? A Johns Hopkins professor noted that unmarried parents in Europe stay together longer than married parents in the United States. So maybe marriage is not what makes love stronger but just love itself, or time with love. Some may feel that if you spend all this money on a wedding then get a divorce then that was a waste of an investment. Take Kim Kardashian and Chris Humphries for example; they had the biggest wedding only to get divorce two months later. This article really helped me to be optimistic about getting married.

Question: Do you feel that not being married and having children has a lasting affect on that child? Also, do you feel marriage solidifies a couple's love?

Banning Interracial Couples?!

I was browsing the internet and stumbled across an article where in Kentucky a church banned an interracial couple from the church. The Gulnare Freewill Baptist church voted 9 to 6 for them to ban interracial couples from all church functions and service with the exception of funerals. Many are calling this a racial issue. Stella Harville and her fiance Ticha Chikuni is the couple that sparked the churches decision. Stella is a white female and Ticha is a black male that attended the church. They met each other at Georgetown College in Kentucky and are planning to get married in July of 2012.

The whole issue arose when Ticha and Stella performed a hymn infront of the congregation one Sunday morning. Ticha sung and Stella played the piano. Everything seemed fine until the Pastor of the church approached the couple after the service and told Ticha that is was best if he did not sing anymore. Stella's parents, who had been members for decades, were shocked by the situation. he Pastor expressed that if he had sang again then people in the church would begin to walk out of the church. Stella's mother, Cathy, wanted to know who would do such a thing because they consider the small congregation to be family. The pastor responded, "I for one!" He would not give the other names of the people that were disturbed by the interracial couple.

Cathy was so hurt by the situation because the family had been going there for years and was unaware of the racist intentions of the congregation. She complained that it was no love in the congregation and that her daughter and son-in-law were Christians. She said that there is no where in the bible that says people cannot marry outside their race. The issue was raised later in a meeting and in early December of this year, the church voted to ban interracial couples.

In my opinion this is a huge racial issue. Many people believe that racism has died or put on mute for awhile now. Racism is still alive but many just try and conceal it because it would make them an outcast. Although many people have moved pass the civil rights movement, the racial hate is still permanently marked. Back in the 40's Emmitt Till (African American) was killed for whistling at a white women. Now you have black and white couples. America has come along way but the connotation of racial feelings is lingering. Many people disagree with interracial dating but many are warm to the idea. Love is colorblind,

Question: Do you feel that this is a racial act and if so how would have reacted to the situation?

The Creation of Online Dating

I was reading an article on Online Dating that explained the creation of it. It all began in 1965 at a World's Fair in Queens by a guy by the name of Lewis Altfest. He an open-air display called the Parker Pen Pavilion, where a giant computer clicked and whirred at the job of selecting foreign pen pals for curious pavilion visitors. How it worked was that you fill out a questionnaire that was sent into the giant computer and then almost instantly you received a notification back of your ideal match. Well Altfest wanted to take it further and see if you can do this closer to home. Well he did with a friend from Harvard and created a prototype that allowed you to answer a 100-question questionnaire and then you would receive five envelopes that matched your interest. They named it Project TACT. His friend name was Ross by the way. Well the two received media blast for about two years. To make a long story short, a reporter came to do an interview with them but Altfest was out of town and the reporter, a female; ended up interviewing Ross instead. Well Ross ended up marrying the reporter two years later. Ross wanted to meet someone through TACT but instead it took reality for him to meet someone.

Online dating does have advantages and disadvantages. The advantage is that it opens up a wide pool for people that are single after their college years, because after college the pool grows shallow. The disadvantage is that when you are doing online dating, you never see the person you are trying to make a connection with but only see pictures. The disadvantages clearly outweigh the advantages. More advantages is that you clearly see only those people of your interest so the person's personality is not random. More disadvantages is that now you have shows like "To Catch a Predator" because you do not know exactly who is on the other end of the chatroom. Sometimes it can lead to fatal meetings and then sometimes it can lead to happiness.

A Study was done to show how often people are hooking up over the internet. It showed that internet dating is the third most way for people to meet and start dating. Match.com was established in 1995 and now is the leading internet-dating service. The fee-based cites ranked in over a billion dollars in revenue. This shows how much people are dependent on dating cites to meet their soul-mate. One in six new marriages is the result of meetings on Internet dating sites. For many people in their twenties, accustomed to conducting much of their social life online, it is no less natural a way to hook up than the church social or the night-club-bathroom line. It still remains though, that by free will and chance people meet. The most common way is meeting in person.

Question: Do you feel it is better to meet online or to meet in person to form a relationship.

What is Cheating

I recently read an article entitled “What is Cheating?” The article is dated August 1^st 2005, but seems to cover a relevant/significant topic with marriages and relationships. The article uses the example:

“Your wife goes out on a night on the town with her friends. While she is out she is also talking, flirting, etc with other men. Obviously, your wife knows that you will be upset about this and does not tell you. She did not have sex with these men, she did not exchange numbers, anything.”

I offer a different idea though. From my own experiences, I would point out that the term “cheating” is a relative term. It is a term that can encompass all of your thoughts or none of them; All of your feelings or none of them. A long time ago, I was in a relationship with a girl who was 100% aware of the close relationship I had with another girl from my hometown. After some time, the girl grew tired of the intimacy between my friend and I so she broke up with me. When I spoke with my mother and her married friends, they expressed to me the idea of cheating on someone emotionally. They also added that this is much worse than the physical.

A second experience I had with cheating came shortly after I had begun to believe that cheating was mental. In a nutshell, I broke down thinking that I was cheating on a girl and explained that I believed I had developed feelings for another girl. My, then, girlfriend said she was upset, but was happy I hadn’t touched her and admitted that I was developing feelings for another girl. She did not slander me, in fact we are good friends now and still hang out regularly.

Having been introduced to this idea, I pose the question “What is cheating to you?” and for those with a significant other, “Do both you and your significant other have common conception of what cheating is?” Just food for thought.